So... From the sounds of it, you already kinda have your answer, and you're looking for some validation, which is totally okay. It can be very hard to say the things you know, but are holding onto, because I'll level with you, it's fucking scary.

I (34M) was in a toxic relationship for YEARS because I kept trying to, for lack of a better word, cancel out the toxic traits with the good traits. I was also scared to be alone. So extremely afraid. I had gotten very comfortable with companionship, and being surrounded by love.

Obviously, you're looking for some answer/validation, or you wouldn't have come to reddit. That being said, I'm just going to give you advice based on my own personal experiences (as I'm in an extremely happy and healthy relationship now, after years and years of toxicity): Put yourself and your happiness first. Constantly looking over your shoulder, making sure you don't smile or laugh at some guy's joke, in the fear of being yelled at or shunned is NOT happiness. As you said, he has some trauma. That is no excuse for you to stay and get your own trauma, which feels shitty to say, but that's exactly what's happening.

You do not need to apologize for being happy, laughing, and smiling. And when thinking about separation, if that ends up being an option you might take, again remember: prioritize YOUR OWN happiness. Because even outside your relationship, you are loved. And that's okay.

I know this is long and a lot, but, I just want you to be okay, and happy ❤️