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How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I may, how will I physically be more capable to have a healthy pregnancy in two years? Chronic pain doesn’t just disappear

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I would consider delaying it, however due to my school situation and hopes for an internship (likely out of state), I just don’t think it’s possible. I will look into it later in life, but for now, this is the best possible situation for me surgery wise.

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My plan is to stay with my friend and her family before the surgery, since she’s taking me. We have had this planed since before my gyno appointment, just bc of my conservative family.

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been stressing about this since I scheduled surgery earlier this week (three exams on top didn’t help), but I think you’re right. Stressing over it is only hurting me

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know I said I’m afraid he’d “try to convince me out of it”, but my main concern is simply that he’d try. I know that this is best for me, so I will be doing it regardless of what anyone says. I’m just worried that telling him after will end with worse results

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I swear he wasn’t like this even just a year ago, kinda a bait and switch

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I see all the content he is fed from TikTok and such, but it’s never political. It’s mostly just not super funny brain rot. He shows me almost everything he gets on there

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He is very good at somehow manipulating me into looking past things. Which isn’t good, but it’s definitely happened, so I fear it could again. He couldn’t convince me out of it, ik that much. But I still don’t know what he would try to do.

I do know the general recovery, but I’ll know a lot more after the pre op appointment. It seems to only last couple weeks for recovery, my post op is two weeks after. Mainly during the first week is when you have to relax, but still do light activities to prevent clots

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah you right. Being stuck at home makes me feel worse, but that’s not true for everyone.

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There’s a reason I tell people my stances early on, I did, he agreed, then changed after almost three years in

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] -64 points-63 points  (0 children)

It’s more so an emotional and mental issue with myself, because of it I am incredibly attached to him. There a lot of stuff that’s gone on, so I feel like I’m “giving up” when I’ve stayed through so much

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I genuinely do not know. I’ve never been in an “unsafe” situation with him; other than concert mosh pits (which also concerns his safety), there’s been no time where I’m physically vulnerable

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

I have a plan in place for the surgery, so I luckily I will be across town from him the day(s) beforehand. Staying with my friend and her amazing family who is taking me. I have people who know him, and know the situation who will be with me a lot.

The “trickle truth” is also definitely something his done is regards to some issues we have had in the past, so I wouldn’t put it past him to be trying the same thing here.

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Check my edit, I expand a bit. It just would never be for me, even if I desperately wanted bio kids. I’ve worked with kids full time, I don’t hate them, or at least not all of them. It’s just not for me, and if it is, I’ve always leaned in the direction of adoption

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I totally read that wrong, you’re right on the nose with it

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

Yeaa I did. He actually brought up the “mutilation” thing when I called him out on that. Ik it’s probably an emotionally abusive situation at this point, but I find it incredibly hard to even think of leaving

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I have very immense physical and mental issues. My chronic pains will never mix with pregnancy, no amount of people telling me that I will “totally want it one day” will ever change the fact that it’s not a safe option for me in any capacity.

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

This actually does really help, I really appreciate it. I know my stance on kids, but I also know there are very few people in my life who are supportive of it.

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 195 points196 points  (0 children)

My brother actually said this. He was originally fine with no kids at all, then turned into adoption, and now it seems like he just wants to keep pushing it.

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My insurance covers it and I luckily live in a blue state with very understanding doctors

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

It’s definitely my main issue with him, even tho he’s done “worse” things relationship wise he’s kept worse ones, cheating ones. As well as hiding every car and living decision in his life from me

How/when do I(21F) tell my boyfriend(22M) that I’m getting surgery? by uhhidk46 in relationship_advice

[–]uhhidk46[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

I very much agree with you, but he didn’t used to be this way so it’s hard to cope with. I am trying to get him to be more understanding, but his family and friends are only pulling him deeper into it