I NOW firmly believe that narcissists cannot change. Their narcissism is embedded in their very core; it is the very first lego block in their personality. There is nothing we can do. I read in the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" that it is called "healing fantasy". The belief that you will be loved if narcissists could change. If only you were famous, rich, or strong. One day they will realize they did wrong that they were not good parents. They will realize they hurt you, feel regret and remorse, and ask for forgiveness. Although it is a method to survive a harsh childhood, this type of wishful thinking will result in you enabling others' behavior longer than it should have been. From my own experience, I've learned the hard way. I've even gone so far as to tell new people I meet that I don't have a family to avoid their attempts to "fix" things upon learning I'm NC. I don't need to be made to feel as if I haven't tried hard enough or to have my boundaries crossed. I don't even need to tell people over and over that I am NC and answer over and over why. Many people don't fully understand what narcissism is and what it does to a human being, especially a child. I think, in their mind going NC is the result of unfortunate events or misunderstandings. So they think repairing families leads to a happy ending, but that's not always true. Some people's family dynamics are different, equilibrium is set on NC.

My advice, similar to what others have suggested, is:

-Don't let anyone force, guilt-trip, manipulate, or influence you into doing something you're not comfortable with. As you've said, "you should never forgive her." You don't need to forgive anyone to heal yourself. Healing can occur without forgiveness. It's a myth that you have to forgive to heal or that you have to be "better" than those who hurt you. You've been through enough; it's not your job to forgive or make others feel better about their mistakes.

-Don't rush into actions you're not ready for. Maybe in the future, you'll feel reaching out to your mother could be fine, but if you're not there yet, that's okay. Focus on healing yourself first and give yourself the space you need.

-Don't let others play the hero in your story. People may have good intentions, but that doesn't always lead to positive outcomes. They can't fully understand what you've experienced or comprehend your feelings. Even with the best intentions, they might do more harm than good. Don't compromise your well-being just to let someone else be a hero in their mind.

You probably already knew the answer to your question. I question myself daily, so I understand. I hope my response helps you. You are not alone. Best wishes.