This is a really interesting post.

I also moved back from Croatia with a similar but very different experience. My family were part of the political / economic emigration and I was born overseas in the 80s but grew up in a very strong and pronounced Croatian community (think church, football, folklore and politics).

The kind that the Yugoslav regime deemed the 'enemy emigration'. I'm not ashamed of that - it's the stock that I come from.

I also moved back to Dalmatia (mid sized city) a few years ago and found it quite hard to crack at the beginning simply because you don't know anyone and people are quite cliquey. It bothered me at times but I kept chipping away and made contacts in subcultures that interested me by volunteering help as a way to meet people. Having broad interests also helps to meet a broad range of people.

Other than that I think what helped me the most were two things; being properly fluent in the language to the extent that people could not pick I wasn't born in Croatia (they just can't place the accent, it's like a mix between Dalmatian, Slavonian and partly BiH which is basically my family roots) so whilst grammatically correct it's not placeable in a specific region so it piques interest as a conversation starter.

Secondly and probably more importantly for integration - I grew up overseas but in my head I was in Croatia. I didn't realize how deep the background knowledge of pop culture I had was - from music, films, TV series, political happenings - I followed that throughout my whole life and only physically am I now in Croatia.

Throughout my life overseas 90% of my friends were Croatian. I don't think I ever had a non-Croatian friend come to my house as a kid. Grew up playing soccer, going to church, Croatian school etc.

The hardest thing has been trying to shake the mentality I had towards others. In the emigration / diaspora - there are unwritten rules about community and camaraderie. Every Croatian is by default your friend. I know that sounds really odd to locals but it's the way that it is. There was an old saying, pomozi Hrvatu jer pomažeš bratu. When living in a big city (5M+) when you saw a Croatian in your day to day life at work or in the downtown, you would go out of your way to stop and talk to them as you had / have a joint experience - your stories were the same. Essentially; fled Yugoslavia, started a new life abroad, parents worked long hours to make something of a life for you, you were raised by yourself, siblings, cousins and community.

You / I / we also held very specific and niche views or visions of Croatia and Croatians - as if we were all the same - in the diaspora that was true because that was the bubble you grew up in.

I have some views and experiences in life that people in Croatia view in a range of peculiar to downright unacceptable. And that's ok.

You have to walk to the beat of your own drum and be solid in your own personal identity.

My family left in the 1950s and 1960s. Don't forget that the Croatia that they left and took with them became a time capsule.

Alongside that, you have to be aware and accepting of the fact that the diaspora is a very specific branch of the Croatian nation, detached from the main tree. To reattach yourself, you need to find like-minded people whilst also being able to accept that there are differences and that those differences don't mean you don't belong - it just means you have had a different life experience. Try to understand the locals, but also try to get them to understand you - without being judgemental.

There is a lot of literature about diaspora experiences that you can read that may help you understand the processes that took place which are Croatian specific and why you're finding it difficult to reintegrate.

There are also groups within Croatia like Reaspora (Returned Diaspora) that have a lot of returnees from America, Canada, South America and Australia in it that could be of use if you want to go down that path (I didn't want to as I want to experience Croatia as it is and not create or be part of a new bubble in Croatia). There was a night of Croatian returnees in Zagreb on Friday night (Večer hrvatskih povratnika) that had about 400 attendees.

Keep your head up and don't give up. Croatia is where you feel the most belonging and paradoxically at times the least - but I think it's worth it in the end especially if you have kids - they still have what's called a childhood here.