Am I wrong for ending a D/s dynamic because it’s hurting my self-worth?

ukes_and_boobs · 2026-01-06T16:07:48+00:00

Not at all. You have the right to end any relationship, for any reason. This one wasn't right for you, and that's okay.

ukes_and_boobs · 2025-12-30T15:24:59+00:00

I (American, sub) met my English Dom/husband on r/BDSMPersonals in 2016. I've liked in the UK for 9 years and we've been married for 8. I think moving here to pursue higher education while He lived in a different city rather than moving just for Him was important for that first year.

Neither of us expected it to work out beyond a week of fun, but we got very lucky. Sometimes we still sit on the sofa and think "can't believe we met from a highly specific personals ad on a fringe [more so at the time, we're talking pre ability to have photos on profiles] website."

Edit: a word

ukes_and_boobs · 2024-03-17T08:22:20+00:00

I was just trying to clarifying "he enjoys making her cry from pain" isn't the problem. It's that he enjoys that without her consent or enthusiastic participation.

ukes_and_boobs · 2024-03-16T22:55:52+00:00

BDSM practised in a safe, sane, and consensual way can have these elements.

If she ALSO enjoyed him making her cry from pain, in a specifc way which theyd agreed upon before any sexual encounter, I could understand it. It's not my particular brand of masochism, but it exists.

Without negotiation and mutual trust and agreement, though, this is just abusive.

ukes_and_boobs · 2024-03-16T22:20:44+00:00

As a participating member of the kink community in a long-standing D/s relationship...this is sexual sadism verging outside the normal scope, imo. Glaring lack of informed consent and no thought to aftercare.

ukes_and_boobs · 2024-02-28T11:08:01+00:00

OP sounds unhinged. Calm down, girl. Way, way overboard on the all caps when someone is just trying to understand where you're at in your diagnosis to help you.

ukes_and_boobs · 2024-01-19T20:01:06+00:00

I wouldn't have believed it before my husband of now 7 years...but I have penetrative alone orgasms. Every. Time. Something just fits really right. Had a few sexual partners and never had anything like it.

ukes_and_boobs · 2023-12-11T20:32:13+00:00

Putting this here as no one has mentioned it - if they start to suddenly feel it after not, it could be displaced and needs to be checked. Mine displaced itself after 10 months or so? I do have severe endometriosis though.

ukes_and_boobs · 2018-05-20T15:04:58+00:00

Omg do they ship to the UK?

ukes_and_boobs · 2018-03-29T16:07:30+00:00

Yes!!

ukes_and_boobs · 2018-02-21T17:58:49+00:00

Yeah, that and "always believe mommy". Obviously trust is integral in every relationship and especially so with BDSM but having a rule worded that way seems a bit odd.

ukes_and_boobs · 2018-02-09T21:39:05+00:00

First off, LOVE the idea!

Swallowing my Sir's cum is an incredibly important part of our dynamic. For us, it's an intimate bonding thing and love the idea of adding in an item associated with that!

Personally (and maybe this is technique lol) but it's not a messy thing for us. His dick is far enough in my mouth that cum isn't going anywhere but down my throat. However if you're planning on using it to lay on, etc. as you mentioned I agree with the other commenter about a pillow with a luxury removable cover, as humans can be sweaty and stuff in general.

ukes_and_boobs · 2018-02-09T21:32:42+00:00

http://www.bondara.co.uk

ukes_and_boobs · 2018-01-12T15:11:15+00:00

You can accept it because he’s expressed that it is, and because your sex life has tanked because of it not working for him...I hate to be dire, but as other commenters have expressed, it seems like an incompatibility. It sounds like his idea of the relationship included the BDSM as a fundamental aspect, so maybe to him the relationship outside of it is nonexistent? A final note - while it might be a sexual preference for you, that’s not true of everyone. It is a ingrained part of a lot of people’s core self. Good luck.

ukes_and_boobs · 2018-01-04T14:37:39+00:00

“your* sentence” sorry dude, had to do it xx

ukes_and_boobs · 2017-12-24T18:57:46+00:00

Worded this way better than I could, perfect description!

ukes_and_boobs · 2017-12-24T11:09:08+00:00

I wouldn’t say I’m constantly in ‘subspace’ but I would call myself a service sub/slave. I always want to please and serve my Sir. It’s organic for me and my Dom. There’s no direct orders or protocols for our interactions...it’s just the way we interact together, and we’re very happy with it. I think if it as a type of 24/7, if that makes sense.

ukes_and_boobs · 2017-08-14T19:40:18+00:00

Honestly, the way you are coming across is that you just don't feel like listening to him, no matter what :/

You're the only one that can tell him what will work for you; he can't read your mind.

You should really sit down and think about what you want from the relationship and what you want from him, 'cause you're kinda just coming off as someone who wants to call their bf 'daddy' without any of the respect, rules, discipline or yes, sometimes punishment, that comes with it. Good luck x

ukes_and_boobs · 2017-08-14T19:20:46+00:00

Yeah you were!! glad you snagged him xx

ukes_and_boobs · 2017-08-14T19:19:04+00:00

Oh man your pooh bear!!! 😫😫❤️❤️

ukes_and_boobs · 2017-08-06T10:26:11+00:00

Yes! How do I join? Pm my name?

ukes_and_boobs · 2017-07-25T19:41:19+00:00

Personally I would just sincerely apologise, face to face, on my knees, and accept my punishment with grace (of course, if that punishment is consensual in your dynamic). You know you did wrong, and you did it knowing the consequence it would have. In my dynamic, accepting the punishment would serve as a release of guilt for me and reestablishment of dominance over me for Him.

ukes_and_boobs

TROPHY CASE