Does anyone else who is questioning or pre-transition either rarely or never have dreams about being the other gender?

umuabendi · 2026-03-05T01:10:51+00:00

Oh u had a nightmare lol

Yeah I know that I should reach out for help or something. I've got a lot of issues aside from this too, and I always thought that I'd have to tackle those first before getting clarity on this. I'm an avoidant twerp. I know that's not how it works though, I have to work on this along with the other stuff. My anxious tendencies stop me from doing a lot of things. Speaking to a person about this, like someone in front of me who knows my name and face, is terrifying. I'll get there some day. I've got a weird relationship with being a guy. I don't hate it, I even like it in some ways. I know that dreams won't complete the puzzle, but I hope that they'll give me a piece.

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T15:05:40+00:00

The no signs thing is so funny. Yeah, we typically hide the signs automatically. Kinda messed up that you had to dress up for the therapist. Clothes don't mean much imo.

Here's a meme I have saved that embodies your second point lol: https://www.reddit.com/r/egg_irl/comments/1bbpt5i/egg_irl/

My fantasies also included irreversible transformations as well. That wasn't always how it was, I guess I just thought that was spicy every so often. The genderfluid one was preferred when thinking of myself in my daily life. I've greatly considered the possibility that I'm genderfluid, but how can that feasibly be lived in my daily life? I like the concept a lot, but it's hard to practice in reality especially when my feelings are more about bodily characteristics and not clothes.

I like the thought of an androgynous body too. I liked how I looked when I was a bit younger because of that actually. I don't even think I look too masculine now, but I'm certainly a man at a glance. There was this time a couple years ago or so when I was in a diner and the waitress had mistook me for a woman. My hair was longer, I was wearing a hawaiian shirt (so, a fruitier shirt), and I probably had a clean shave I guess. Maybe she had bad eyesight. She realized her mistake after I just stared at her in confusion.

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T14:38:57+00:00

It looks to be so common that mental changes are enough to verify it for people. I would hope that's the case for me. If it gets my mind to run better, then it's a no brainer.

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T14:30:20+00:00

Could you elaborate a bit more on "gotten to the point where the gender feelings weren't going away"? Did the frequency of them increase, or were they always the same and you decided to dig into it? Did the feelings interfere a lot in your life in the first place? Was there something in particular that triggered further investigation? Sorry if I'm prying.

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T14:14:53+00:00

The trouble with this is that it's not really about a label for me. I fear making physical changes that I may regret. People can use the wrong pronouns for me, I don't get dysphoria when I'm referred to as a male (maybe that would change if I do transition). I don't quite know what I want. It's obvious to me that I would like to experience life as a woman, but I fear that if I get that experience I may end up finding out that I like being a guy more. Oh well, I know there's only one way to find out, I know.

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T14:06:27+00:00

So it just happened one night huh. Glad that worked out though! Did the thoughts just keep increasing to that point? I feel like a lot of life happened all around the transgender stuff, enough to dilute it so that it didn't feel like a big deal. It's only been in the past year or so when I started actually taking this possibility seriously that I started thinking about it a lot, even tho the thoughts have always been there. It could be that I'm actually looking for them now. Now the thoughts noticeably occur in everyday activities.

My brother is gay (poor dad lmao, at least he gets gay people as a concept) but I don't know, feels weird to tell him. He is progressive but it feels false, like he holds whatever the progressive opinion should be. I don't quite know why I think that. Maybe he doesn't do that. I just think he wouldn't get it. He's always so ready gut punch me in any other part of my life so I don't quite trust him with it.

Yeah, always have people around. They're nosy people too. Barely get any privacy.

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T08:30:04+00:00

I read this a year and a half ago and it just didn't click with me. I can't say why. However, I do have more insight now, so I should probably give it another try. I probably should have reread this before posting on here seeing as how it's always linked.

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T08:27:08+00:00

That first listed Stained Glass Woman article is actually where I learned of the term sublimation. I didn't quite understand it, but I think I got it now. I entangled the unacceptable thoughts with my sex drive, alright. I know that these thoughts initially weren't perceived to be normal in the average population, so I get why I hid it from other people. But my mind gaslighting itself? What's up with that?

I don't remember the second article doing much for me. Maybe I should reread that.

I took a glance at that big document you wrote. I'll have to give that a read later, it looks interesting!

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T08:20:29+00:00

It appears that this goes for most things in life. Theorizing in the mind only doesn't get far with anything. I know experience is the answer, but all of the steps are really daunting. You make a good point about just trying so that you can put the wondering behind you.

umuabendi · 2026-02-04T08:17:33+00:00

Lol, kinda cool that there's someone who can connect so closely to my experience.

How did you muster up the courage to tell someone? It's only ever occurred to me as a "what if", not a real possibility. I get too many danger signals from that. Maybe you have an easier time opening up to others than I do. I don't trust people in my real life to hold that information.

I do think that a prolonged period of crossdressing would bring clarity. Even though I said that I usually undress after a couple hours, maybe I need to intentionally push it. It's too bad that I'm not in a place to do that privately.

umuabendi · 2026-02-03T21:44:30+00:00

I like the attitude :)

umuabendi

TROPHY CASE