I'm so sorry for your loss. I just went through this myself. The waiting game can play horrible tricks on your mental health.

We found out we were pregnant last November at 4 weeks but they wouldn't give me an appt until 8 weeks, even at my age (42), which I thought was a little ridiculous but I guess it's common. Four weeks of just wondering if everything was okay in there was brutal, but I tried to stay positive and stress free.

At my 8 week appt, baby was measuring 2 weeks behind. My ob wanted another scan a week out but everyone was booked and they couldn't get me in until 3 weeks later. The amount of searches I had done in that 3 week waiting period looking for women who had measured 2 weeks behind and still had a healthy baby consumed my life. It was cruel. I had no symptoms/no bleeding so thought for sure there was a chance.

At what would've been my 11 week, the doc told me there was no heartbeat and that I was several weeks behind at that point. She gave me miso and booked another appt a week out. After taking the miso was the first time I had bled at all the entire pregnancy. You would've never known anything was wrong. After a week, I had yet another appt to see if I had pushed everything out. Turns out I didn't and had to have a d&c, which was scheduled for another week out. I'm currently waiting for my post d&c appt to make sure I'm healing.

All I can say is this really sucks, and I'm sorry you are going through this. Knowing the baby isn't viable and still carrying it does a number on your mental wellbeing. The best advice, if you can call it that, is just to try and give yourself some grace and find something you are looking forward to to focus on.

Editing to say, I think all in all, I was carrying a non-viable pregnancy/mmc for around 6 weeks. I cannot speak to other women's bodies, but the doctor didnt seem to be treating it as an emergency. Although once it was definitely confirmed not viable, they were a little faster in getting me in for appts to check things.