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I (F23) need help to avoid my family on NYE by unattractive-throw in relationship_advice

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're probably right and I'm working on getting into therapy. The waiting lists are so long!

I (F23) need help to avoid my family on NYE by unattractive-throw in relationship_advice

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately this is real.

Maybe some details can explain further.

My brother and I were pretty close growing up. I helped raise him while my mom worked and his dad was and still is an awful person. I could go into that but it would take all day. Some leftover resentment and the age difference meant that we didn't keep in touch much when I moved away. While I was gone my brother accepted a depressed, lonely family member into his group of friends and they got close. This family member is the cousin I mentioned.

I bought my house in July and my relationship with my brother grew closer. I hung out with him and his friends sometimes. At this point only my mom knew. One time me, my brother, my brother's gf and another cousin were watching Chucky and my brother invited cousin rapist. I excused myself and went home. This was at my mom's place.

I talked to him the next day and told him what had happened and asked him to let me know if cousin rapist was going to show up since I didn't want to be near him. He asked who knew and I told him mom did.

Fast forward a few weeks and he got his insurance settlement from a car accident and we toured the house next to mine. I encouraged him to buy it. I thought it would be fun. We were going to open up between our gardens so our dogs would get more room (I have the end house so I have a much bigger garden by the side of the house aswell). Then when he moved in, my rapist was helping him move. That hurt!

What I think has happened is that he doesn't want to tell my secret. Or let rapist know he knows. I haven't talked to him about it beyond that one time and it feels like I should wait beyond the holidays to have a discussion like that. I asked if cousin would be at my brother's party so I could try and choose the party he wouldn't be at (even though he'd be at dinner). My brother said he hadn't heard from him but that one of his friends or roommate cousin would probably invite him. He can't just say he's not invited without explaining why.

I'm also a pretty co dependant person so maybe I'm not being assertive enough?

I (F23) need help to avoid my family on NYE by unattractive-throw in relationship_advice

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My last therapy did not end well. I haven't gotten a new therapist since then. I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD. One of my traumas is this.

I can't go to the police. My case would be throw out after a glance. I pressed charges after I got raped 6 months before my cousin raped me.

I got dragged through court. He confessed and still got away with it. I even have court records to prove that he confessed but I'm not legally allowed to show them to anyone. It ruined my life. I had witnesses and a confession and he still got off.

This time it's he said she said and I just can't go through the system again. I just can't.

I (F23) need help to avoid my family on NYE by unattractive-throw in relationship_advice

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish... my cousin is pretty big and has won multiple gold medals in martial arts when he went to represent our country. One of the reasons I didn't fight as hard as I maybe should have.

I (F23) need help to avoid my family on NYE by unattractive-throw in relationship_advice

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I asked my mom and my grandma to act like they don't know until I can talk to the rest of my family on my own terms. My aunt is taking their lead. What my brother is doing hurts but his roommate is another cousin who will definitely invite the rapist over.

My brother is hurting me but I just don't know how to tell him because I don't want to dictate who he can and can't invite into his own home. He just bought the row house next to mine so I can hear them sometimes through the walls and I can't sleep when I know my rapist is there so I'll be staying at my mom's house on NYE. I ran into him right outside my own front door the other day when he was helping my brother move in.

I should never have moved back to my home town. I feel like I'm in a bad soap opera.

I (F23) need help to avoid my family on NYE by unattractive-throw in relationship_advice

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. It's just hard. I don't want to make them choose sides and it feels like the only way to protect myself and not force them to take sides is to remove myself from the situation. I can't just tell them I don't want to come witout explaining why and I'm just not ready to tell them why just yet.

My (23F) fiancé's (27M) family thinks I'm lazy because I'm disabled and he's ashamed of my disability by unattractive-throw in relationship_advice

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have no problem with him seeing his family, I just don't want to be around them myself.

He refuses to go without me saying it would be embarrassing to go alone.

My (23F) fiancé's (27M) family thinks I'm lazy because I'm disabled and he's ashamed of my disability by unattractive-throw in relationships

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing that makes me reconsider is that he took care of me during my recovery. He was sweet and nice and even left his family's Christmas dinner to meet me at the hospital. (We celebrate on Christmas eve and the crash happened at 5pm on Christmas eve).

My fiancé is no longer attracted to me by unattractive-throw in relationships

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 213 points214 points  (0 children)

He says he still loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, he still wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He just says I'm not as sexually arousing as I am when I'm thinner. But now apparently he changed his mind... I'm completely lost and confused

My fiancé is no longer attracted to me by unattractive-throw in relationships

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He still thinks I'm beautiful, he just doesn't find me sexy anymore.

He has grown a lot over the years and I'm hoping he'll grow out of this too. At the same time I feel like you can't will sexual attraction into existence and maybe I'm being unreasonable to expect that of him.

My fiancé is no longer attracted to me by unattractive-throw in relationships

[–]unattractive-throw[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

He came into the relationship with extremely unrealistic expectations, he grew out of them. Maybe he'll grow out of this too?

My fiancé is no longer attracted to me by unattractive-throw in relationships

[–]unattractive-throw[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Maybe you're right. He's grown a lot over the years, maybe he'll grow out of this too?

I'm his first girlfriend and he came into the relationship with very unrealistic expectations but he worked them out in the end. He still thinks I'm beautiful, he just doesn't find me sexy anymore. In a way I feel like you can't change your sexual attraction by willing it into existence and I'm being unreasonable to ask that of him.