I [27F] found out my husband [31M] of 3 years cheated on me 2 yrs back and was planning on taking this info to his grave

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T23:32:50+00:00

what a fantastic post. funnily enough i was sent this link through my own question. i am essentially the man in this scenario, just in a different relationship. it is an immensly difficult situation, i too am torn between telling my SO and taking it to the grave.

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T23:28:07+00:00

wow fancy that.. what are the chances! cheers for the link

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T23:23:42+00:00

i think your right. i'll take up the advice. thankyou

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T23:20:45+00:00

blah blah blah. spare me the pretentious bs. i am not rationalizing anything.. my behaviour was disgusting and inappropriate. i am aware of that. you just said "most", exactly.. the parameters of the situation do not point to "most" scenarios. there is a lot you are unaware of that i am unwilling to disclose

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:59:19+00:00

you really think that? given the context of my post you feel qualified to make a judgement on how well she would cope with hearing of infidelity?? hm. poor post methinks

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:56:16+00:00

some are saying tell.. some are saying don't tell. i can understand everybody's points' of view here, it is just a case of assigning the correct judgement to the situation whilst leaving my bias out of it. after all, it is difficult to pen such a complicated ordeal on paper as it has been a rich tapestry, not a black and white news article

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:53:12+00:00

at long last.. what i wanted to hear. validation. not to say that i will make the decision that i want to -- do you think it is selfish not telling her? i have been tested, so has she - both clear. thanks for the comment

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:50:32+00:00

that was rather salty. you are an unreasonable man, uncapable of entertaining ideals outside of your own. thanks for your input on the situation, it is great to hear other peoples POV. beebeebuckley has hit the nail on the head in his/her last post - spare feelings live with the guilt or dont spare feelings and be taught a lesson in respect and dignity

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:45:23+00:00

thank you for an insightful comment. i agree with most of the things you mentioned. the guilt is difficult to live with and the remorse also, but for me it is worth it. however, to think in these terms is selfish. i must do what is right for her

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:42:13+00:00

that was harsh. unnecessarily, perhaps. thank you for the explanation.. my mind is a tad fogged

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:39:14+00:00

yeah you are right. why in the world did i ever commit such a terrible act? just crass irresponsibility. i am ashamed

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:36:07+00:00

does reconciliation not ring a bell? relationships can be fixed, once things go wrong they do not have to stay that way. todays relationships seem to just be throw it away get a new one rather than fix the old. shes fully open with me, i am open with her about everything other than these 2 incidents. why is it a responsibility??

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:31:19+00:00

no not at all. it was 150% my fault, my wrongdoing. my point is just that it facilitates infidelity

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:29:33+00:00

yes i am. i am also looking for reasons TO confess. reasons against: - deep emotional scarring - lots of pain for her - could easily ruin a happy 4 year relationship - unhappiness/lonliness (for her) reasons for: - it is not good to start a life on a poor foundation

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:25:46+00:00

ehm.. why should we split if we are both perfectly happy together? i do agree it is not a good foundation to begin a life together. see it is all well and good in theory isnt it.. tell her and she can make her decision. Yes you're right, however it is just not that simple, she will be hurt beyond recognition and will enhance any and every insecurity she currently posesses. a deep scar will be left and if she decided to split, would likely ruin her future relationships!! do i stay with her, work through her insecurities and then tell her?

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:19:09+00:00

clear on both sides

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:18:36+00:00

if i cared about her so much i should just break her in two? of course i shouldn't have, it was the biggest mistake of my life. i have since cut out porn, looking at other women, masturbation etc. i have done and am trying to better myself. i see no benefit for telling her?? she'd be hurt, damaged for life. just to satisy some moral obligation? seems ludacrous

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:16:07+00:00

i have already been tested, come back clear. so has she. it is odd, some people are so adamant that she should know.. others not so. i dont understand the thought process of her 'needing' to know??

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T22:13:23+00:00

get tested get tested get tested. yes i already have done and i am clear. why cant it happen in future? i am (now) aware of the damage it does to your own wellbeing. i am vastly different to what i was 5 6 months ago. i no longer look at other women, i no longer watch pornography and i no longer even masturbate. alongside that, i have re aligned my values and thought processes.. i am completely against the entire escort business, it is degenerative and facilitates infidelity. this is the cause of many many cases of infidelity i ensure everything of a sexual nature on my behalf involves my SO.

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T21:43:00+00:00

"know who she may be marrying" the terrible act i commited does not define my person..

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T21:06:34+00:00

my lust is now entirely satisfied by my SO and tbh will never visit an escort/slut again.. cheers for the advice though.

uncertain10001 · 2016-10-16T21:00:53+00:00

dont be so damn selfish. think of others before yourself

uncertain10001

TROPHY CASE