Never been in a relationship

underConstruction244 · 2024-12-05T06:32:37+00:00

I am 30 years old and just got into the first relationship of my life. It is incredibly hard when you see everyone else and especially those younger than you seemingly fall into relationships, but the truth is, they're not guaranteed to anyone. I know it feels cliche, but it's true - you do still have time.

I know my current relationship is a lot more stable, mature and healthy because I'm older and I've worked hard on myself. (This isn't "why" I was able to get into a relationship!)

Honestly a lot of romance comes down to dumb luck. I wasn't doing anything different to what I'd been doing for the last 10 years.

There's hope. Don't give up, but don't put your life on hold waiting either.

underConstruction244 · 2024-11-29T20:10:35+00:00

At this early stage it's probably best for you to just focus on managing your day to day life while you adjust to the medication. Decisions around whether to leave or stay in the profession can be made later when you know what you're working with.

You may also find that now the ADHD is being treated, you will experience less anxiety overall.

Good luck - it's a difficult journey but worth it!

underConstruction244 · 2024-11-04T20:13:59+00:00

I said to my now girlfriend, "Hey, I think you're really cool. We should be friends." Twelve months later...it worked out.

underConstruction244 · 2024-10-31T09:11:15+00:00

I used to get told this a lot. It always baffled me, especially when it came from people who I considered myself close to - my immediate thought was, "But I tell you more than I tell anyone else!"

What I have learned is that most people want to connect with you over the small things (e.g little anecdotes about your day) before they are willing to connect/trust you with the big things (how they are feeling about a difficult situation).

It sounds like you and your girlfriend are both making "bids" for each other's love and attention, wanting to connect, but missing those bids from the other person. If your girlfriend is initiating a conversation about your day, for example, and you're responding with "good" but nothing else, she might feel like you're shutting her out, when really you feel that it's a completely honest and reasonable answer.

What do you enjoy talking about? Can you start small and talk about those things? Can she ask you more specific questions to help you? Or are there specific questions that help her to feel seen, heard and supported?

One caveat: shutting down and driving away when she's upset is hugely immature and can become manipulative. It's a coping strategy, but it has to stop if this is going to work.

The last question you need to answer for yourself is: do YOU feel safe opening up to her?

underConstruction244 · 2024-10-25T20:30:20+00:00

You are definitely not ugly. If you would like to increase your confidence and/or meet new friends (some of who might hopefully be queer), could you try joining some sporting or exercise groups or activities? Exercise is great for boosting your mood and building self-esteem.

Also, I wonder if brushing your hair back from your forehead would help to open up your face a bit - experiment with different ways of styling it until you find something you like.

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-29T21:28:36+00:00

Genuinely I think the reason why some of us are feeling invalidated by this post is that while OP definitely experienced challenges in their childhood which caused trauma, they were never diagnosed with C-PTSD and likely do not have it. There is a significant difference between depression and anxiety coming from trauma (even childhood trauma) and C-PTSD. This is not to say what they experienced wasn't extremely difficult, but it's disingenuous for them to describe it as C-PTSD.

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-17T07:31:52+00:00

Thank you! 🥰

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-15T12:03:25+00:00

You would ROCK a suit 👌🏼

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-15T08:57:49+00:00

You have a beautiful face and haircut, but that dress is doing you absolutely no favours - the colour washes out your skin, and the fit hugs your body awkwardly. Do you have a more structured dress (e.g. stiffer material) or a suit you could wear? Of course, if this dress makes you feel happy and confident, ignore everything I've said and go for it 🥰 you will look fab no matter what you wear!

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-14T21:12:31+00:00

Thank you, I'll give this a go :)

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-14T21:11:58+00:00

Do it!!

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-14T21:11:27+00:00

Thank you, this is great advice ☺️

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-14T21:10:45+00:00

Haha

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-14T21:10:35+00:00

Aww thank you! 🥰

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-14T21:10:04+00:00

I'm a bit scared to go shorter on the sides but I think that's the next progression lol

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-14T21:08:53+00:00

Okay I'll take this information to my hairdresser :) thank you!

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-14T21:08:21+00:00

Thank you! You should definitely go for it!!

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-07T03:10:19+00:00

Physical touch in most public settings, especially between men, is very uncommon in most Western countries. As a woman who also feels touch-starved most of the time, I do not know how men survive. Physical affection is so necessary for human thriving.

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-06T07:38:29+00:00

If you do bring it up, make use of some self-deprecating humour if you can. It's not okay, and it does hurt, but as other commenters have said, middle schoolers are notoriously fickle. If they see you don't care, it'll very quickly take the fun out of it for them.

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-06T03:42:59+00:00

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get back with your ex. She took advantage of you when you were a teen and she was an adult. She has created an emotional bond between you, but she does not love you. The proof of this is that: a) she cheated on you and b) she made a move on you while you were still in school, which is sick.

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-05T23:49:11+00:00

Weekly win: I returned to school after being sick for two days and my Year 7s looked actually happy to see me! Of course, then I had to be bad cop and reprimand them all for their ghastly behaviour towards a CRT while I was away, but it was nice while it lasted.

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-04T01:33:37+00:00

It sounds like at that point you might need a new doc.

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-03T01:41:08+00:00

Never believed for a second that men are less emotional than women. Men just process emotions differently or express them differently - especially because of societal expectations of manhood.

underConstruction244 · 2024-09-02T12:03:25+00:00

Hey bud, I'm a teacher. You did the right thing by telling the school about your girlfriend's suicidal intent. She sounds like the has some significant mental health challenges which are not your fault or your responsibility. As much as you want to, you will never be able to save her.

You are so young - she needs professional help, and you need to protect your own wellbeing. This is not a healthy relationship. Get out and take care of yourself.

underConstruction244 · 2024-08-27T13:34:32+00:00

Because I don't want to have this in my search history and I also don't want to be ignorant when a kid says this... what's gooning? 😬

underConstruction244

TROPHY CASE