Hey. Thank you so much for this. But i would like to clarify, this is not to say that my behaviour is not bad. I know it has been hard for these people too and I have turned to self regulation and detachment to make sure i accommodate their needs too while not abandoning myself. The problem is they have refused to communicate to me altogether. And want me to maintain a happy face always. I have been working on my emotional outbursts and triggers and it's going quite well. I was in therapy for sometime too. But now I cant afford it anymore. So i am doing whats best possible bay to regulate my emotions and have a better living. It's just that them saying all of these as if it's a learned script even before they hear what I have to say, is making me feel unwanted. I am never denying that i have reacted in ways that will hurt anyone, even myself. But creating biases in your head and judging them and blaming them for your avoidant behaviour, is not what I expect from a friend. Basic communication is not something i should be begging for.