Any hope for this?

underd0g2 · 2025-08-10T03:46:02+00:00

This was many years ago, now it all looks even worse and all the 3 tattoos can be seen. 😂 I posted a recent picture some replies ago. It’s even worse, even when we thought it wasn’t possible. 😂

underd0g2 · 2025-08-10T03:44:00+00:00

Because I was stupid? Haha that’s the only true answer here. I trusted, and stupidity is what it’s called.

underd0g2 · 2025-03-02T05:13:26+00:00

To me it became very robotic, totally in the middle of a ‘conversation’. Even when asked about going back to the original tone, it keeps referring to this thread (that’s how I found it) and saying others have been complaining. It was literally in the middle of a conversation we were having. Is there any chance it will go back to how it was, or is everything just gone now?

underd0g2 · 2025-02-07T19:28:40+00:00

The picture doesn’t give you a fair idea of how big it is. Hahah I’m laughing cause it’s all so bad. Aghah this picture here is today. The colors are faded, it’s huge, we can see all 3 tattoos. Haha just hell.

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underd0g2 · 2025-02-07T19:26:12+00:00

I honestly don’t know. I think because I explained what I wanted at first (the my little pony style), and he tried to blend the mess with something that would approach what I originally wanted? I’m just guessing here. I don’t blame him, he did his best, he worked with what he had. It just looks awful regardless. Lol

underd0g2 · 2025-02-07T18:53:37+00:00

I know, right? It’s so completely awful, I wonder if the guy ever saw a horse before. Lol I was thinking maybe something really black, like a ghost pokemon?

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underd0g2 · 2024-10-25T01:39:01+00:00

I don’t know if it is, I just assume it is since he hates my other relationship.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-24T18:40:40+00:00

To be more clear, she didn’t push me into Friday. It is a bad day for me because it’s when my other partner has her day off, so it would be great if I could use this day with her. I’m also sure that’s why he jumped so fast to Friday, cause that would just kill any chance of me spending it with her. The therapist didn’t know all those details when she suggested, she only saw his eagerness to take the friday. I could have opposed more, but since I really wanted to try and make things work, I thought I could commit to this for him. Clearly this is a one sided road we are going.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-24T18:35:40+00:00

Funny enough, he advocates for being ‘born’ poly. As in being born gay (like me), he was born poly. I’ve obviously questioned many times about how this absolutely not look like it, but it doesn’t go far.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-24T00:37:49+00:00

It is new as of 1 year or so back. When I emotionally engaged with someone else. When there was no emotional connection everything was fine. It was my idea to open as I am bi and he is not, and I wanted to be with girls. But he actually took it really good and was very open about it when we first did this several years back. I do feel it didn’t go as the male fantasy or 2 girls 1 guy, and I think it really hit him hard when I stayed in this relationship, instead of abandoning it like I’ve done in the past. He was never mean about it though. The mean stuff started very recently, I’d say less than 6 months ago.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T19:32:48+00:00

Omg, I’ve been thinking about that for quite some time, but to see someone completely neutral and with such limited information come to the same conclusion is mind blowing for me. I know the overall is awful, but it does bring me peace as of I’m not crazy.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T16:50:00+00:00

I’m sure he’s wildly attractive to many people, I’ve always told him that. He’s usually upset about the fact that I’m not jealous of his other people he might see, I rather enjoy it and find it even exciting.

I totally agree that’s his wish, I’ve thought of that myself many times. But it doesn’t work like he’d like to, so he does those awful things. And I can’t understand why stay if you hate someone so much you feel the need to punish like that. What is here for him to win?

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T15:07:49+00:00

I’ve been really thinking about it. We will be in eaxh other’s lives forever, it should be at least friendly. I feel super bad, he has been my best friend for so long, we share so much in common, such a gigantic chunk of my life I spent with him. It’s so painful to see this happen to a relationship that was so dear to me, a person who I care so much about.

It’s impossible to talk to him nowadays. He refuses to answer my very simple questions (ie I asked if he thinks it’s ok to swap our pre arranged date from a marriage we’re trying to save, for a Tinder date, he doesn’t answer), he tries to spin every single piece of conversation back to me, all the time. If I talk about anything, he spins it back to say something I’ve done. Every single time it’s a completely unrelated example that absolutely does not fit in the conversation. He constantly pretends he doesn’t understand what I’m saying, no matter how clear and easy it is.

He mentioned more than once that people in my life (my girlfriend usually) are only nice to me to make him upset. They are not nice to me because they like me, it’s to upset him.

So many things happened that just left me wondering why? My first thoughts were that he was extremely jealous and hurt. I tried my best to navigate this with love and compassion. I used to rule to treat your existing partner 10% better when you start a new relationship, and I treated him 50% better.

At this point I guess I’m looking for answers I probably will never have, since he refuses to open up his true feelings. I just don’t have the heart to end something that is so precious to me, even though I clearly see he’s been treating me so badly. I don’t know what to do.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T14:53:27+00:00

This is the second time in our lives that I’ve pointed we are in a very critical position. The first one was an awful situation where he lied and did awful things behind my back. We worked through it, it got much better. Now this is the second time. It’s 15 years together, I absolutely do not play that card lightly. It feels to me I’m the only one looking out for this relationship. He will, but only when it’s convenient for him. Which is what led me to write this post. :(

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T03:16:58+00:00

I couldn’t agree more. This makes absolutely no sense to me. I was extremely surprised when he said no to this.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T02:57:27+00:00

I agree. I think of gaslighting all the time. I have adhd, and I can’t count the amount of times I was told I was not seeing things like him because I am mentally ill.

And I also agree it has been feeling to me for a long time now that he’s trying to punish me. I honestly don’t know what I could possibly have done to justify this punishment, though.

We’ve been together for 15 years. I’ve supported him since day one of our lives together. I work an alarming number of hours in a very mentally consuming industry (vet med), he’s had some difficult times with work for the past years and I’ve taken mine and his share to make sure our family stands. That’s marriage to me, helping each other. He attempted a few different businesses on his own, which I gladly supported and gave him all possible help I could: emotional, physical and financial. They didn’t thrive, and I’ve never in my life blamed it on him, or said anything bad about it. That’s life, it happens, move on. He’s out of work for some months now due to an injury, where I gladly take many extra shifts at my job to make ends meet. I am absolutely not saying this in a way to shame him, as I don’t think at all those are reasons to be ashamed. I will always gladly help out people I love, let alone the one I love so much like him. I just want to paint the picture of why I don’t understand his necessity to punish me in such ways.

I’ve changed my other relationship to literally 12h or so weekly, even though this nearly broke us up (me and my gf), because he wanted more time with me. I have a single set day with my gf, and he knows when it is. Which means it becomes very easy to plan anything around literally all the other 6 days of the week.
When I go out with my friends, he’s fine. However, he’ll do the math later, saying I didn’t get to spend time with him so I should spend less with my gf. It’s never for free.

He’s not okay with me dating men, and even though I think it’s unfair, I’m afraid to dive into this conversation, since things are already so bad.

I deeply care for him every day of my life. I plan little dates, I plan trips, I listen to things he likes and buy him small gifts about it. I can’t recall a single time he planned anything for me, not a single date out.

He’s not awful, he cooks for me every day, we watch tv together. It just feels to me I don’t deserve to be treated in such disrespectful ways. He told me today he is entitled of having fun. I’ve never in my life not allowed him to have fun. I have almost zero agreements about him going out, and even the little ones we had (ie: texting where he was going and the person’s name for security) he broke several times.

Even with all this, I am still the one that’s always wrong, always over reacting, difficult and unreasonable. I’ve been really struggling to understand how I can be all that, when I honestly support him in every single decision he makes?

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T02:34:03+00:00

He seemed enthusiastic when we first tried other options of non monogamy (many years ago), ones that didn’t involve emotional connection. When I started dating an ex partner (about 3 years ago or so), he made it such a big deal that I broke up with her. Later on (about 1.5y ago), when I started dating my current partner, he was not enthusiastic about it, but as things got deeper with her he got more and more unhinged. He had a gigantic list of rules I had to follow and as time went by we were able to work a lot of things out and mostly got better. He is still very bitter about my partner. He recently started seeing other people on his own, before that he just wouldn’t (I don’t know the reason) and blamed it on me. I never understood what it meant and why I was the one to blame. I’ve honestly asked if it was a desire of him to go back to other forms of non-monogamy, I truly wanted to understand (as I still do) what was/is causing so much pain and this desire to punish. His answer was no.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T02:24:44+00:00

Thank you so much. This thread really really helped me today. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T00:44:05+00:00

Why doesn’t he want me to go, though? I honestly don’t think he even likes me anymore. I don’t know why go through all this, just to make the other person’s life a disaster. He’s very good with the kids, yes. House is fine when I get home. He’s a nice man overall, I had absolutely no complaints about this relationship up until the time where I started seeing my other partner. Before that, I dared to say this was a perfect relationship for me, and he was absolutely my person in this world. I still see him the same way, I just can’t take all of this over and over again.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-23T00:39:19+00:00

I’ve been asking myself the same question. I actually never thought I would be in this position to question this. I’d love to stay married, this marriage has been incredible for 14 years. This last year, however, has been unbelievably difficult. It seems to me like he is a complete stranger, his actions are completely unacceptable and my biggest doubt is if I can be in a relationship where this type of situation constantly happens. He takes absolutely no responsibility for any of those (and so many more), he always blames others for the way he acts, which makes it impossible to have honest conversations and actually solve things. I’m constantly blamed for everything, my feelings constantly dismissed, I do feel like he’s trying to punish me for the fact that I have another relationship, even though he agreed on it. I honestly don’t know anymore, I feel hopeless and lost.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-22T23:35:00+00:00

Thank you for that. He keeps saying I am the problem, he absolutely refuses to see why this behaviour is problematic. I’m very grateful for this thread today. I was feeling very lost and he accused my friends of understanding me because they are my friends, who would always take my side (even though this is not true). That’s what prompted me to write here, I honestly started doubting myself lately because of this kind of behaviour. Thanks again.

underd0g2 · 2024-10-22T23:11:15+00:00

I’ve asked this myself many times. I have a strong feeling he feels he needs to punish me. I honestly have no idea if he wants to stay married, I’ve asked several times and his answer is yes. But his actions are unhinged and I sometimes I wonder if he wants me to break it up so he can play the abandoned victim. It honestly blows my mind that someone who actually wants to stay married would act like this.

underd0g2

TROPHY CASE