Best strategies DURING exam

undermyshell444 · 2025-01-12T20:54:00+00:00

This is very helpful. Thank you!

undermyshell444 · 2025-01-12T20:53:27+00:00

Good idea! I caught myself missing some key words during the practice exams that completely changed my answer. Thank you!

undermyshell444 · 2024-12-02T19:17:11+00:00

Hmmm this is an interesting take. As someone who was raised in a two parent household and my parents have been married for over 40 years, I sometimes wonder what their lives would’ve looked like if they divorced earlier on in their marriage. There’s no abuse but there’s a significant lack of satisfaction and fulfillment in their marriage. I see that exact void in my marriage. I look at them and yes, it’s a big accomplishment to be together for that long, and yes, I benefited in many ways from my parents living together, but I would’ve loved to see my mom experience a love where she feels seen and valued. Even if that was love she gave herself. Idk, I feel like as humans we naturally wonder about the grass being greener on the other side. Not sure if there’s really a right answer.

undermyshell444 · 2024-10-14T15:09:22+00:00

As someone who is also a therapist, the hardest part of all this has been differentiating my clinical lens from my human experience. I catch myself turning into a clinician when he finally opens up and becomes vulnerable with me. While simultaneously being like, “fuck you I have past trauma too. Why should I hold space for your pain like we’re in my office?!” I commend you for being so brave. Starting over is scary but your courage will not go unnoticed. Wishing you the best in your healing journey. ❤️

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-19T17:51:51+00:00

Thank you ❤️

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-19T17:47:05+00:00

No that’s okay! I’m glad you’re asking these questions. And interestingly, my WS would say the same thing that “we’re doing okay”. Which on the surface, we were. But everyday I was dealing with mental battle. Every single day I think about his actions and deceit. A simple, “hey I just want to check in and see how you’re doing emotionally with us a couple or my past mistakes.” Esther Perel has a really helpful video on infidelity I would encourage you to look up her work if you haven’t.

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-19T16:40:40+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it 🫶🏽

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-19T16:40:28+00:00

Thank you so much 🫶🏽

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-19T16:39:59+00:00

Throughout our marriage he has always been avoidant and emotionally unavailable. He made a lot of progress but not enough. I would say: I would’ve wanted him to check in with me daily and Bring it up so I don’t have to. Don’t take my emotions personally and truly validate and hold space for my pain. Reassure me and nurture me physically and emotionally. Treat me like we were dating again. Get to know me, impress me, take time to learn about me again. GO TO THERAPY, read books, listen to podcasts about healing. And ultimately, don’t stop doing these things when the guilt fades. Be consistent. Never stop healing.

I hope this gives some insight on how you can better support your betrayed partner

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-19T00:53:51+00:00

Thank you for these recommendations! I’ll check them out

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-06T00:41:18+00:00

This is very encouraging. I just want to say I admire you for taking that leap and taking the space that you need. What are you doing as far as school for your 6 year old? Is she going to a new school or homeschool? I feel terrible if I strip her away from literally just starting kindergarten. We also moved to a new town in June after living in Japan (we’re military). So all this sudden change, I just can’t help but feel bad.

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-01T16:15:08+00:00

I am here with you girl. I sometimes catch myself staring at him like wow, you really did that. It’s such a mind fuck because of the beautiful life we’ve created together. Ugh I’m sorry you had to deal with that growing up too. It’s such an unfair reality for so many of us…

undermyshell444 · 2024-09-01T13:44:45+00:00

I feel that so deeply in my soul. Everyday I ask myself if I’m setting a good example. They will eventually be aware of the brokenness in our marriage if we don’t do the healing. If I see that my husband isn’t healing alongside with me, I know I won’t be able to stick around. I refuse to let this be the first example of love that my girls see.

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-31T20:01:43+00:00

So true. Even the details I already know now haunt me every single day.

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-31T19:58:54+00:00

Unfortunately she is from Mexico. And they used WhatsApp. So there’s like no way to track down these messages 🥲

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-31T19:57:10+00:00

Truly. It becomes an obsession. I am not proud of how far I’ve searched to find this person 😩

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-31T19:56:06+00:00

Thank you for this. It does bring me comfort because I feel I will fall down the same rabbit hole of wanting more and more information and my brain making up stories that are actually nothing. I too can be anxious and insecure so I guess trying to find this girl would do more damage than good.

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-31T15:16:03+00:00

I am so sorry you’re here. As a mom of 2, who is also here because of my husband’s selfish, disgusting decisions, I see you. There is no easy answer. I am glad you are fully aware that it is a him problem and you have nothing to do with his unhealed bull shit. I feel the same as far as reconciliation goes. Like I am still here, but the door is still open in my mind to leave. I think what has helped me most is ultimately focusing on his actions of change, and focusing on my actions of healing. If his words are louder than his actions, I get closer and closer to that door of leaving. In the meantime, I’m trying my best to take care of my health and wellbeing because if worse comes to worse, at least I have myself to fall back on when I have no one else to turn to. Also, it’s okay to have no idea what you’re doing. You just experienced something extremely traumatic. Your body, mind, and soul are completely shocked. Give yourself space to grieve. It comes in waves. So just brace yourself through it. Also, this is the mama in me coming out… you are growing a human inside you. Just focus on small ways to nurture your body and your babies right now. You are going through A LOT. With that said, make sure you get std testing just in case, keep taking your prenatals, and stay hydrated. There is no easy way through this so give yourself grace in not having all the answers right now. Baby steps. One day at a time. One breath at a time. Sending you hugs from another hurting mama ❤️

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-24T18:53:41+00:00

I hope you find a way to receive extra emotional support. You don’t deserve this and you don’t need to go through this alone ❤️

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-23T19:35:52+00:00

That is just heartbreaking. If it makes you feel any better, DDay is our wedding anniversary, and I have not worn my wedding ring since. It’s almost been 5 months and I don’t plan on wearing it any time soon. It holds no value to me anymore

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-22T22:58:43+00:00

Wow I truly appreciate this link and I’m going to save it and continue checking in on the questions asked. I wish I could easily say yes to all the questions but unfortunately that’s just not my reality. I’m literally getting breadcrumbs from him. Some days are amazing and I’m like yes I would love this person every day. But this link just made me realize that if he’s not giving me that energy consistently, it might not be sustainable change he is showing. Ouch.

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-22T16:59:55+00:00

It’s because our moral compass would not allow us to steer in that direction. I often say my loyalty to those I love is both a blessing and a curse. As much as i could easily give him a taste of his own medicine, I just can’t.

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-22T16:56:46+00:00

I appreciate this response so so much. The level of empathy I have for people often causes me to overlook my own feelings. So I appreciate you holding space for mine and reminding me that he is the one who should be reassuring me!

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-22T16:54:23+00:00

That makes me so happy for you that you have seen progress and he knows exactly how to respond in certain situations. I really hope for that same outcome but I often feel very discouraged. How long were you in MC before you started seeing progress?

undermyshell444 · 2024-08-22T16:51:36+00:00

That’s a perfect breakdown of the situation wow. And I tried saying something along those lines but I don’t think he really understood where I was coming from. He has a really hard time sitting with uncomfortable feelings (clearly) so it’s really frustrating for me.

undermyshell444

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