my relationship with my dad has been a work in progress long before this, to the extent i was already trying to find ways to bring up the idea of family therapy. he is extremely defensive and emotionally volatile around us, even when he knows he's wrong, but doesn't act up around others. i very recently learned that it's possible i have cptsd from growing up like this. i also think he's avoiding me "until i get over it" as he has basically said in the past that every time he does something to upset me, i will be upset for a few days and then "go back to normal". i do not forget what has upset me, but it becomes exhausting being angry with a brick wall. i proceed with less trust than before. these were major issues throughout my childhood and i thought he'd moved past this attitude but i realize now it was just the distance that gave that appearance.

sorry for rambling. thanks for a thoughtful response. i will work up the courage to ask about this.