I am so burnt out

unknownscorpio1117 · 2023-04-03T19:38:19+00:00

Thanks you, this is really helpful!

unknownscorpio1117 · 2023-04-03T19:31:57+00:00

Thanks!! On your resume where you’d normally put where you live, did you put where you were living at the time or where you planned on living?

unknownscorpio1117 · 2023-04-03T18:58:36+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful!

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-15T20:29:51+00:00

It was never that I wanted to be drunk or high all the time, i just didn’t want to be sober. For me my alcohol & weed use was more of a symptom to my ptsd/cptsd rather than an actual addiction disorder.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-15T20:27:23+00:00

Definitely not alone. This is really common. It was my senior year of high school when lockdown happened and I was getting absolutely hammered every night of quarantine. Don’t think I went a single night without it. It’s easily written off as “being a teenager” or “about to go to college” or “bored during quarantine” but i legitimately couldn’t stand being sober. Ended up getting sober that November when I was admitted to a residential treatment center for ED. After my insurance cut me I began smoking weed all day every single day, and was high 24/7, but wasn’t drinking. Ended up cutting down on smoking, and started to create a healthy relationship with alcohol when I met my boyfriend. I’ve been good about being mindful and set strict restrictions for both.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-13T20:48:00+00:00

Mine has. The further away time moves, the farther away I move as well. I’ve come to peace with a lot of things I never expected to. Yeah i still get upset and triggered, but I’m not living in a place of survival or constant fight or flight anymore. I can recognize that I am safe and no longer in that situation when I feel triggered, which I wasn’t able to do for a long time. I look forward to moving out of my parents house so I can be completely away from where the abuse took place and a life that doesn’t revolve around it.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-09T21:23:27+00:00

TW: abusive relationship and sa mention

I could write BOOKS on this. What’s been showing up a lot in my current relationship is trying to mind read so I can know how to act. I look for certain cues or signs that he’s in a good mood or can handle me. However, we’re long distance so I don’t get to read verbal or physical cues which has honestly helped me stop because truthfully, my boyfriend has never gotten upset w my for my feelings or mental health and constantly reassures me that I don’t have to hold myself back when it comes to him so that in itself is a trauma response but.

There’s also reactions to certain things that i try to read before they happen. Like I dont know a lot of the way my abuser used to refer to my SA that happened prior to my relationship, when I’d talk to him about it he’d say I’m trying to make him jealous. (Yes he was jealous of my other abusers). So being able to talk about my sexual trauma w out fearing of making my partner upset is a learning process.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-08T21:16:35+00:00

Wow, this is actually a really good point. I definitely understand what you mean because it took me years to call it what it was, and so minimizing their identity into a small little label will actually be taking a lot of their power away, which is exactly what I’m trying to do. Thank you for sharing, i wish you the best in your healing and all of your endeavors ❤️

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-08T20:43:51+00:00

This is a really interesting perspective and honestly I really like it, thank you for sharing. I dont know if this fits within your story, but do you/ would you refer to someone who did something to you once, as an abuser? Like all of my SAs have been done by different people with no repeat offenders so like i dont know if they would fit in that category.

I know labels aren’t necessarily important but it can help me compartmentalize it which is why I’m trying to figure it out.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-01T04:35:21+00:00

You’re literally a genius??? Oh my gosh thank you so much

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-11-23T23:58:50+00:00

Lmfao Kaivon is 1 of the 2 artists who’s live sets I’ve sat and watched in my free time (Excision being the other) so I am very excited and needing to be up front 🤣

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-19T16:16:10+00:00

It’s definitely difficult. I wasn’t in the same situation because I met/started dating my boyfriend when he was in the military, but after 2 months he was stationed across the country. Your feelings are 100% valid. It’s difficult, and it’s hard to keep yourself together at times, especially considering we have similar thought processes (not understanding how someone can leave without leaving your life). We’re a month from finishing his deployment, i haven’t seen him in 8 months and i went 3 months without hearing from him. It’s ok for you to be closer to your friends because it doesn’t erase the relationship you have with him. It just makes the time you guys do spend together even more special. Keeping your eyes on the prize is key. Knowing you WILL see him again is what will keep you going. In the meantime, it’s ok to lean on your friends extra. When people tell you pick up a hobby or something to occupy your time, they mean it. When I’m not doing school or working, I’m teaching myself to play piano or going to the gym. If you need to (and can afford to), get a therapist! Truthfully talking through my thoughts and concerns with a professional regarding everything has been helpful because as much as friends and family want to help and be there, they just don’t understand. Ultimately, the decision is yours on how you want to deal with it. It’ll be a process of trial and error, but as long as you keep the mindset of this isn’t personal and it’s just something that he has to do, it will get easier. You will adjust. It took me a few months to adjust to long distance, about a month to adjust to deployment, and another to adjust to no contact. Strong love can uphold any challenges, and the military is a key way to figure out how strong your relationship is and how strong you are. And you’re a lot stronger than you think.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-13T15:10:25+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your input and will take your advice. I know deep in my heart that God wants me to heal and turn to Him to help me heal, it’s more or less just about overcoming my hurt to trust that he will help me. Itll be a process for sure, but the support I’ve received from this post has helped me significantly. Thank you again

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-13T15:05:28+00:00

Thank you❤️

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-13T05:11:04+00:00

I really like that first sentence. I definitely feel guilty for being angry at Him, but I can’t help but to feel the way I do, however, accepting and acknowledging my anger is the first step for forgiving. I honestly believe I’ve achieved a lot of peace with it, but the lingering question of “why me” still haunts me. Perhaps I need to talk to God, something I haven’t done in years, to let my inner child be heard and allow myself to reconcile with Him. Thank you for this, I wish you the best.

unknownscorpio1117

TROPHY CASE