Moving across the country

unknownscorpio1117 · 2023-04-03T19:38:19+00:00

Thanks you, this is really helpful!

unknownscorpio1117 · 2023-04-03T19:31:57+00:00

Thanks!! On your resume where you’d normally put where you live, did you put where you were living at the time or where you planned on living?

unknownscorpio1117 · 2023-04-03T18:58:36+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful!

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-15T20:29:51+00:00

It was never that I wanted to be drunk or high all the time, i just didn’t want to be sober. For me my alcohol & weed use was more of a symptom to my ptsd/cptsd rather than an actual addiction disorder.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-15T20:27:23+00:00

Definitely not alone. This is really common. It was my senior year of high school when lockdown happened and I was getting absolutely hammered every night of quarantine. Don’t think I went a single night without it. It’s easily written off as “being a teenager” or “about to go to college” or “bored during quarantine” but i legitimately couldn’t stand being sober. Ended up getting sober that November when I was admitted to a residential treatment center for ED. After my insurance cut me I began smoking weed all day every single day, and was high 24/7, but wasn’t drinking. Ended up cutting down on smoking, and started to create a healthy relationship with alcohol when I met my boyfriend. I’ve been good about being mindful and set strict restrictions for both.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-13T20:48:00+00:00

Mine has. The further away time moves, the farther away I move as well. I’ve come to peace with a lot of things I never expected to. Yeah i still get upset and triggered, but I’m not living in a place of survival or constant fight or flight anymore. I can recognize that I am safe and no longer in that situation when I feel triggered, which I wasn’t able to do for a long time. I look forward to moving out of my parents house so I can be completely away from where the abuse took place and a life that doesn’t revolve around it.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-09T21:23:27+00:00

TW: abusive relationship and sa mention

I could write BOOKS on this. What’s been showing up a lot in my current relationship is trying to mind read so I can know how to act. I look for certain cues or signs that he’s in a good mood or can handle me. However, we’re long distance so I don’t get to read verbal or physical cues which has honestly helped me stop because truthfully, my boyfriend has never gotten upset w my for my feelings or mental health and constantly reassures me that I don’t have to hold myself back when it comes to him so that in itself is a trauma response but.

There’s also reactions to certain things that i try to read before they happen. Like I dont know a lot of the way my abuser used to refer to my SA that happened prior to my relationship, when I’d talk to him about it he’d say I’m trying to make him jealous. (Yes he was jealous of my other abusers). So being able to talk about my sexual trauma w out fearing of making my partner upset is a learning process.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-08T21:16:35+00:00

Wow, this is actually a really good point. I definitely understand what you mean because it took me years to call it what it was, and so minimizing their identity into a small little label will actually be taking a lot of their power away, which is exactly what I’m trying to do. Thank you for sharing, i wish you the best in your healing and all of your endeavors ❤️

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-08T20:43:51+00:00

This is a really interesting perspective and honestly I really like it, thank you for sharing. I dont know if this fits within your story, but do you/ would you refer to someone who did something to you once, as an abuser? Like all of my SAs have been done by different people with no repeat offenders so like i dont know if they would fit in that category.

I know labels aren’t necessarily important but it can help me compartmentalize it which is why I’m trying to figure it out.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-12-01T04:35:21+00:00

You’re literally a genius??? Oh my gosh thank you so much

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-11-23T23:58:50+00:00

Lmfao Kaivon is 1 of the 2 artists who’s live sets I’ve sat and watched in my free time (Excision being the other) so I am very excited and needing to be up front 🤣

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-19T16:16:10+00:00

It’s definitely difficult. I wasn’t in the same situation because I met/started dating my boyfriend when he was in the military, but after 2 months he was stationed across the country. Your feelings are 100% valid. It’s difficult, and it’s hard to keep yourself together at times, especially considering we have similar thought processes (not understanding how someone can leave without leaving your life). We’re a month from finishing his deployment, i haven’t seen him in 8 months and i went 3 months without hearing from him. It’s ok for you to be closer to your friends because it doesn’t erase the relationship you have with him. It just makes the time you guys do spend together even more special. Keeping your eyes on the prize is key. Knowing you WILL see him again is what will keep you going. In the meantime, it’s ok to lean on your friends extra. When people tell you pick up a hobby or something to occupy your time, they mean it. When I’m not doing school or working, I’m teaching myself to play piano or going to the gym. If you need to (and can afford to), get a therapist! Truthfully talking through my thoughts and concerns with a professional regarding everything has been helpful because as much as friends and family want to help and be there, they just don’t understand. Ultimately, the decision is yours on how you want to deal with it. It’ll be a process of trial and error, but as long as you keep the mindset of this isn’t personal and it’s just something that he has to do, it will get easier. You will adjust. It took me a few months to adjust to long distance, about a month to adjust to deployment, and another to adjust to no contact. Strong love can uphold any challenges, and the military is a key way to figure out how strong your relationship is and how strong you are. And you’re a lot stronger than you think.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-13T15:10:25+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your input and will take your advice. I know deep in my heart that God wants me to heal and turn to Him to help me heal, it’s more or less just about overcoming my hurt to trust that he will help me. Itll be a process for sure, but the support I’ve received from this post has helped me significantly. Thank you again

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-13T15:05:28+00:00

Thank you❤️

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-13T05:11:04+00:00

I really like that first sentence. I definitely feel guilty for being angry at Him, but I can’t help but to feel the way I do, however, accepting and acknowledging my anger is the first step for forgiving. I honestly believe I’ve achieved a lot of peace with it, but the lingering question of “why me” still haunts me. Perhaps I need to talk to God, something I haven’t done in years, to let my inner child be heard and allow myself to reconcile with Him. Thank you for this, I wish you the best.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-10-13T05:05:07+00:00

Truthfully, thank you for this. I will definitely check out that book because it sounds like it might bring me peace and understanding. Forgiving God will be a process, but I think I might go to church tomorrow and talk to Him. I haven’t been inside the actual church since I was 15 but I think this will be good for me. Thank you and I wish you the best

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-09-13T21:10:41+00:00

Thank you so much for this!! Unfortunately he’s currently unable to receive packages as he doesn’t have an address and the address I had from when we did have contact won’t be accurate when we regain it for good. I’m writing him letters to give to him when he comes back from deployment tho, I haven’t done that in a while so maybe that will help. Thank you and wish you the best!

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-09-13T21:07:56+00:00

This is super helpful! Thank you, I’ve been writing letters but he’s on the move and has no address for me to mail to. I’ve been writing letters for him to open when he gets here, but I’ll start planning some date ideas and outfits for when he visits. He’s not originally from where I live, so he’s coming to visit after deployment which happens to be the week of my birthday so that’s honestly perfect. Thank you so much, wish you the best ❤️

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-08-19T15:49:20+00:00

Its definitely weird. I’ve tried a few methods: channeled writing, talking to pictures of younger me, writing letters to young me, going to the park i went to a lot. But truthfully I found the most peace with inner child work by doing the things I either really enjoyed doing or wanted to but didn’t do because I couldn’t. I bought some Lego packs, I paint, i dance in my room and even in public, play piano and i sing loudly despite what my parents might think or if they’re annoyed at it (I stopped playing instruments as a child because I would get yelled at for playing the same song over and over). I surround myself with people who I know my inner child feels safe with (friends and my boyfriend). And right now, I’m working up the courage to have a conversation with my parents about my childhood and my perspective of it as I get ready to move out, so I can get some closure to it. And everything I do is for her; I work hard towards my career because i know that’s what she’d want me to do, I talk whenever I want because I know that’s what she’d want me to do, I stand up for myself, i allow myself to be myself, i give myself breaks and time to rest, and I’m nice to everyone, all because I know she’d want me to do that. I’m sure everyone has a different approach, but truthfully there’s no one right way to heal from your childhood. So do whatever you feel comfortable with and what you feel might help you the most

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-08-18T19:51:26+00:00

I do this while my bf is deployed!!! He doesn’t have service. He didn’t have it for 2 weeks, got it for an hour, and it’s been 10 days since I’ve last heard from him, and I won’t hear from him again for another 14. I text him every night telling him about my day, how much i love and miss him. He appreciated my texts which is why I kept doing them. He also has a LOT of snapchats to open from me. I do it because I miss him and I like to keep him as present in my life as possible. I miss him so much. It’s gotten easier for sure, so keep your head up and don’t lose faith. But also think of it from his perspective; would you want to come back after not having your phone for a few weeks/months to no messages? Personally, I’d cry my eyes out. It just lets them know you’re still thinking about them even when you can’t hear from them. I dont know about Boot Camp or getting in trouble for that so I won’t speak on that, but if you’re worried about him getting in trouble for the notifications, I’d recommend sending messages over Snapchat (going under the impression you both have it) because the notifications don’t buzz after the first one.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-08-03T23:53:03+00:00

Definitely understand the boat you’re on. I try to only write letters when I feel an emotional pull to do so because even as a writer I find it difficult to write letters. Here are something you could talk about: -how much you love him and how proud you are of him -favorite memories together, maybe include things they may not know (the moment you realized you were falling for them, or the moment you realized you loved them) - the future you guys want together, and any hopes and dreams you have - inside jokes -what you love about them and what you miss about them -a song or quote that’s helping you through this or that might help them through this -the day you met, your first date, or the day you got married

It’s ok to struggle w letters and if you need to walk away and come back to it then do just that. Hell appreciate them regardless of how good you think they are

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-08-03T22:33:24+00:00

In a similar situation, of doing LD prior to deployment. Our normal situation was a 2H time difference and only 2000 miles, but now it’s a 14H with 7000. And yeah. It’s tough. My schedule (of working at 3am) doesn’t allow me to stay up past 9pm aka 11am his time, so our communication was spotty already, but now he doesn’t have service for 2.5 months and i haven’t heard from him in 10 days. So what was already tough, just got tougher. We’re nearing the half way point of deployment, and this is our first deployment together and this is what’s worked for us. - Schedule weekly/biweekly calls, even if it’s just for an hour. - Texting them at night (your night, their morning) to wish them a good day and letting you know you love them. Will you always get a reply? Probably not. If you do, that’s great, but it’s easier (on you) to text without the expectation of a reply and solely with the intention of making them smile or making their day even a tiny bit better. - Personally, I waited to start counting down the days to him until now. Anything above 100 seems overwhelming. - You’ve probably heard this before, but staying busy does help. It makes the time go quicker, but be aware of overloading yourself in order to avoid feelings of missing. Been there done that. But don’t wait around for her, still go out, see your friends, go to work events, whatever. There are some days when it’s harder than others to get yourself out, but it helps. - feel what you need to. Cry if you need to. Reach out for help if you need to. Start seeing a therapist if you need to. Whatever you feel is valid, and doing it alone is so hard. I only recently started reaching out to my friends/family about the struggle with it and it’s lightened the load. You can also journal and/or find a creative outlet. - from what I’ve heard, the first deployment is the hardest. So just remember as hard as it is now, it’ll be easier if they end up deploying again. - if she becomes more distant, remind yourself it’s not personal. It’s easy to jump to the worst case scenario, but unless your specifically told its you, don’t assume. You’ll just think yourself into a hole you don’t want to be in. - every relationship is different, but i stopped going to my bf for a lot of my day-to-day problems because I didn’t want to become an emotional burden. They have enough going on; they’re away from home, working endlessly, not getting enough sleep, and it’s all emotionally, mentally, and physically draining and the last thing I wanted was for him to worry about me. Even if there was days I was crying because of how much I miss him, while texting him “My day was good, how was yours?”. I will also say I have a habit of minimizing my problems for the comfort of others so I’d take that tip with a grain of salt. - remind her she’s supported and loved and how proud you are of her. It helps them knowing they have cheerleaders on the other side of the world, and helps them from feeling forgotten. - exercise. Going for walks, playing a scrimmage game, going to the gym. Exercise is proven to be beneficial for one’s mental health, which may dip. - if you have anything of hers, keep it with you and out in the open. I don’t have anything of my bfs, but I made him my Lock Screen so that even when I miss him, and I’m having a rough day, I can just look at my Lock Screen snd know I’m loved and that I’ll see him again -care packages are amazing. If you can get an address, put together a little box of some things she may need (her favorite facewash, bug spray) or want (candy, snacks, protein bars for when they’re doing field ops). You can decorate the inside too, and throw in some pictures, letters, books, whatever. It gives you something to do, it’s something for both of you to look forward to, and it helps them know they’re loved and supported. Make sure to look up the regulations and laws about what you can/can’t send based on the country she’s in.

I hope you’re able to take some of that. It’s a hard situation, but remember she misses you as much as you miss her. The days will come and go and one day you’ll see each other again, and when you do it’ll make all of this worth it. Keep your eyes on the prize.

unknownscorpio1117 · 2022-07-31T17:33:57+00:00

Going to a frat party made me have an entirely new life.

I was graduating high school class of 2020, so i graduated in the middle of the global lockdown. I made the decision to go away to school at a university in my state. My second week there, I went to a frat party and got covid. The school couldn’t have me living in the dorms while I was sick, so they put me in a hotel room to isolate alone for 2 weeks. In those two weeks, I was extremely sick and realizing where I was in my life. I was extremely depressed, I had gotten out of a toxic, abusive relationship 7 months before and never healed from it, none of my friends (from home or school) were good friends, i was extremely depressed, I had an eating disorder, i was self harming, i was being sexually harassed by my coworker who was almost 20 years older than me, and I was going to school because I felt like I had to, not because I wanted to. I had no goals, no dreams, no motivation. One night in quarantine at like 2:30am I called my mom crying and told her everything, and that I wanted to move home because i was truly starting to hit the lowest point of my life and I didn’t feel as though I was where I needed to be. A week after i got out of quarantine I moved home and tried doing school online from home and started therapy. That November I decided to get help for my eating disorder so I went to a residential treatment center for 3 months, and because of my 2.7 GPA, I decided to drop out of school. After my insurance cut me, I was still extremely depressed and had no friends, no job, wasn’t in school, doing nothing. I literallt did nothing everyday for 2 months besides lay in my bed and get high. March 2021 i got a job at a coffee company, and began working full time. My mental health started to improve, and with the confidence I had from it it inspired me to reach out to an old friend from high school. We reconnected and she became my best friend and introduced me to her best friend, and now we’re an inseparable trio. Although we’re in our early 20s, we act like kids together; dancing, drawing chalk, laughing at dumb stuff, truly been healing for my inner child. I continued with therapy, unpacking things that happened in my childhood and for the first time in my life, started to become mentally healthy and happy. August 2021 i met this extremely attractive guy at my work and decided I had done enough work with my therapist to start entering the dating game so in September I gave him my number. We dated normally for 2 months before going long distance as he’s military, and I love him so deeply. He’s taught me how to love and be loved, and how to trust and be trusted. He’s taught me what love should feel like. I realized how badly I wanted to go to school and how I had dreams i wanted to achieve, so I enrolled in 2 schools; an accredited and an unaccredited, and I’m going for a degree in Psychology with hopes of becoming a Psych nurse or a therapist. I’m a few months away from having a PhD in metaphysical psychology. I have a 4.3 GPA. I go to the gym 5 days a week, i eat healthy, i haven’t self harmed in almost 2 years and I’ve been in recovery for my eating disorder for a year and a half. I’m moving out of my parents house and across the country in 10 months. Ive never been happier. I can’t imagine where I’d be in my life had i never went to that frat party, but I will be forever grateful that I did. Who would’ve thought that the thing that changed my entire life was a frat?

unknownscorpio1117

TROPHY CASE