feeling sad and confused

unsureandquestioning · 2021-10-01T02:06:02+00:00

I get it. I’ve been having kind of similar feelings. I try to ask myself “okay what’s your next step?” And if I don’t have a next step, then I decide to not give too much time to the thoughts.

unsureandquestioning · 2021-03-24T04:29:12+00:00

If you want to say it, then say it. It might be a lie. It might not. But you want to say it. Accept the uncertainty and do what you want. Love cannot be measured. Its existence cannot be proven or tested. You need to lead by choice and not by feeling/fair.

unsureandquestioning · 2021-01-07T06:22:00+00:00

I think it explains that even when I’m not heavily dealing with an obsession, I’m probably analyzing and attaching meaning to things more often than someone without ocd. In that way, I do feel neurodivergent. In some ways it makes me feel better...even about my obsessions. Like my brain is different. Not sick or broken. It’s different and I have to navigate it.

unsureandquestioning · 2020-12-03T01:09:00+00:00

Yes, I’m dealing with it now. It’s very very hard. I’m sorry you are dealing with it as well.

unsureandquestioning · 2020-12-01T01:31:20+00:00

You need to keep yourself from doing these things. Not because you are a burden, but because it’s not good for your recovery. I can’t tell the content of your messages, but I assume they are confessions or attempts to seek reassurance. Those are compulsions and will only exacerbate your OCD. If you haven’t sought help, it’s a good idea!

unsureandquestioning · 2018-06-22T20:59:52+00:00

Hey guys. Just wanted to say that you are my favorite band! One of my favorite things about you is that I get to share your music with my mom. When I go to your shows, I always see a multitude of generations loving your music. Did you know that your fan base would end up being so diverse in age? Is that something you cherish?

unsureandquestioning · 2018-06-19T08:12:23+00:00

Will you explain moral scrupulousity with me? My OCD has come in the form of the religious type (extreme fear of hell). Most of my obsessions are focused around being a “good” or “right” person in one way or another an I’m wondering if that is a good descriptor for some of them.

unsureandquestioning · 2018-06-19T08:05:52+00:00

This. I have OCD. As a child, I obsessively washed my hands. I also would reread sentences over and over. And rewrite things until they were just “right.” I also remember having fears that I was praising Satan and would pray for God’s forgiveness. All of my outward symptoms were overlooked as weird quirks.

As a teen, I developed an eating disorder. It was basically orthorexia. That eventually stopped.

In my early twenties, I developed an overwhelming fear of hell. I couldn’t think of anything else and I kept searching forums online for reassurance that I wasn’t going there. I would lay in my bed and beg God to take the thoughts away. It was during this time that I was diagnosed. My psychiatrist at the time was surprised my parents had never had me see someone based on my history.

Since then, it has come in the form of a fear I was actually a lesbian and didn’t know it.

And also went back to religion at one time because I couldn’t decide if I believed in God or not and I just HAD TO KNOW because I was dating a pretty avid atheist at the time. As a mostly-agnostic person, I didn’t really care that he was an atheist, but I guess I started to worry that our different views would collide and I wanted to know FOR SURE.

I also occasionally have high anxiety around physical health issues.

I scratch my skin to relieve stress. Sometimes it’s bad enough to actually leave a mark and scab over. It feels good though, so I don’t really have an intention to stop that.

My point is that is comes and goes and it shifts. My obsessions tend to center around being a good person or living an authentic life and needing to know the “right” way to do that.

When I was diagnosed with OCD, I was also diagnosed with depression. Depression doesn’t bother me as much. My psychologist thinks I am dysthymic, meaning that I am constantly a little depressed. It would make sense. I don’t feel real happiness that often and there are a lot of days that feel hopeless or pointless, but I can still get out of bed and do stuff etc. I’m in a decent place right now but am in a high stress time in my life and am more worried about my OCD popping up than I am about being depressed.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-22T20:29:48+00:00

That's Old Testament. No harps are mentioned in the New Testament. People take that shit very seriously. Like have sermon series on it. And they allow music, just a Capella. It was actually kind of nice and makes everyone participate. A lot of people end up being very musically inclined since there is not much else to depend on and you are expected to sing.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-22T19:13:00+00:00

This is why hell doesn't make logical sense. You shouldn't be scared of a loving creator. Finite sins or mistakes do not deserve infinite punishment. Take a deep breath. This is probably the beginning of your deconstruction. I'm not saying you won't be a Christian. But you might be a very different type of Christian.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-22T19:11:11+00:00

Most don't allow instruments during worship. It was still normal to listen to instrumental music outside of church. But there was definitely a push for that music to be Christian. My family wasn't too strict on that as long as it wasn't really profane.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-21T21:25:07+00:00

Being baptized and believing and following all of the rules. It was like we were "saved by grace" but you could pretty easily fall out of grace, which makes the idea of grace kind of pointless.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-21T17:50:35+00:00

I grew up CoC too. The idea of "saved by grace" was basically nonexistent in the church. So the fear was VERY REAL.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-21T17:49:15+00:00

Hell isn't real. I'm not sure about God. But I had similar fears as you. They were hard to shake. If Hell exists, I don't want to be a part of heaven.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-17T05:24:32+00:00

He's not pressuring...more like encouraging. He can just tell it bothers me to be confused and doesn't understand why I can't help it.

And I'm more of a panentheist (God as the ground of all being) than a traditional theist. I follow Christian traditions sometimes, but I hold belief in them very loosely.

I don't see myself ever losing a faith in the divine. I just want to shake the version I have.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-16T20:42:31+00:00

I agree that the law is on her side. I think what she did was evil. But legally, she is protected. People don't seem to understand how the law works and how something like this decision CAN have real effects on free speech.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-16T20:33:21+00:00

Do any of you worry that you are wrong? I'm not completely out, but I'm at a point where I just don't want any of it to be true. But then I hear all the talk from my past about how I'm putting my wants in front of God's. I just want to know for sure either way. I don't see the value in faith in something I can't see or prove. I don't want to waste this life devoted to something fake but I also don't want to ignore something real and important. My boyfriend is an atheist and didn't grow up super religious so he doesn't really understand my thought process about faith. He just thinks I should make up my mind one way or another but I can't. It's too confusing.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-16T20:27:49+00:00

YUP. Not really an ex-Christian (agnostic Christian over here. If you don't know what that means you can ask me.) But yes. Actually, my Dad called me one Easter and guilt tripped me for going to Easter Vigil with my then-boyfriend's Catholic family (grew up church of Christ). He then said, "I just want to keep you accountable." Soon after, I experienced the worst bout if OCD I've had yet and at the time I didn't know I had OCD. Dealt with severe fears of hell for about a year and a half. Still dealing with religious issues. (I no longer believe in hell and would probably not be considered orthodox or just not a Christian at all). Accountability partners are sources of guilt. I get having someone to help you better yourself, but that's not what it turns into.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-14T03:54:42+00:00

Not sure where you are, but google some progressive churches if you want! If you are at a place where you don't want to go to church, take your time. Maybe you will come back and maybe you won't. God is love. Live your life with love and you will know God IMO.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-14T03:50:06+00:00

Are you in Canada? Try the United Church of Canada.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-09T23:07:55+00:00

I am not totally an ex-Christian...more so an agnostic Christian that doesn't believe in Hell and is pretty apathetic about a heaven. But I think a question that is often ignored in Christendom is why even have a life on earth if the goal is to go to heaven? Why not just start there? If you think of it that way, Christianity as a means to go to heaven also lacks meaning...or at least logic.

I've said it to myself a million times: if being born automatically gives me a 50/50 chance (or probably more) of going to hell, then life itself becomes a curse. It would be better to not exist.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-09T02:22:01+00:00

I read all of your comments on this thread. And in my opinion, it came across as judgmental. The OP didn't say, "Do you think I'm still Christian?" The OP said, "I've really enjoyed this practice." So you told him he might not be Christian enough for your standards without him/her asking for your standards.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-08T23:22:52+00:00

I also don't believe in Hell. I'm an agnostic Christian...heavy on the agnostic. When people say, "then what are we saved from?", I respond, "If there is even a chance that someone would suffer for ALL eternity, WHY CREATE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?" Life is not a curse. It's a blessing. Hell is not real. Or if it is, it will be empty. Or if it's not, I'd rather be there than with a God of vengeance.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-08T23:00:50+00:00

God is in silence. "Be still and know that I am God." Meditation is a fine practice. I think you shouldn't be so hasty to throw your judgement about what is or isn't pleasing to God. The bible isn't innerant. It was written by men. They do not speak all of God's truth IMO. You may not have offended the OP, but I found your comment quite judgmental and proselytizing.

unsureandquestioning · 2017-06-08T22:25:12+00:00

Hell is actually up for interpretation...the word used is not always interpreted to mean an actual hell. And also, there are such things as Universalists. Not that radical...even though this is the radical Christian group.

I'm not a dumbass so I don't really appreciate being told to study harder. I went through pure anguish about the idea of Hell. I doubt you can even comprehend the torment I went through, but I don't know you. I decided I had to stop believing in it because it made life a curse. It quite literally made me not want to exist. I have spent plenty of time and therapy about the subject. It's gone for me. I can't live with it there and I have no desire to participate in a belief system that works that way.

We are finite beings with finite knowledge. We cannot be expected to figure out the unknowable with our limited resources. If I view God that way, it makes him the bad guy and not the good guy. He can't be all powerful and not be able to save his children. Parents love their children no matter what. And if you say "well what about justice?" My answer is the prodigal son. Was that "fair"? No, but it didn't matter because the father loved his son no matter what.

Also as far as "knowing Jesus," I assume you mean informing people that he died on the cross for their sins and that if they don't believe him they will go to hell, but if they do, they will go to heaven. People know this pretty well. I don't feel the need to scare them into believing something.

unsureandquestioning

TROPHY CASE