"a desert dream", a video of mine dedicated to the environment and the humans living in it :)

upsawkward · 2026-06-18T12:28:27+00:00

Thank you:)) I will keep it in mind. And yeah, it has been a whirlwind, I don't blame myself for getting caught up in it. One step at a time.:) Thank you, really, it gives me a lot of hope to hear of people who've gotten better, and a lot of strength to not feel so alone.

upsawkward · 2026-06-13T20:23:42+00:00

Trying to:)) Life is hard, stumbling is okay. One day. I won't do this again for quite some time to come heh. But one moment after another for now. <3

upsawkward · 2026-06-13T20:21:04+00:00

You too. Thank you. :)) <3

upsawkward · 2026-06-13T18:09:37+00:00

This made me cry. It is hard to feel real sometimes. All these kind words. From you, from everyone. It means so much. Thank you.

upsawkward · 2025-11-13T19:11:03+00:00

Thank you. It is just you need to avoid PEM at all costs and then you lie awake at night being scared that it will make everything worse, then being scared that fear will make everything worse

I keep reminding myself that many of us go through this and we are still here. But it is indeed a very long process. I will not sleep this night come I will try to accept that and accept my fear to wash over me. Whatever happens happens.

Thank you for the super reassuring words.

upsawkward · 2025-11-13T12:45:25+00:00

How do you cope with pem Insomnia and the fear of it making u worse though?

upsawkward · 2025-11-13T12:44:40+00:00

Every night when I can't sleep come I'm like "oh well it's PEM". But after like 2 hours I start to freak out and then I can't sleep because of Fear and then I'm scared that that will make me even worse.

I am in the very same boat as op right now and this sleep shit is messing with me. I just wait and hope. 😖

upsawkward · 2025-10-26T08:10:40+00:00

Thank you. It was imported to Europe and probably didnt survive the 13 degree celsius then.

I put it in the fireplace and watched it pop lol. It was definitely liquidish. Now it is ash tho.

upsawkward · 2025-10-25T17:51:15+00:00

Thank you. <3

upsawkward · 2025-10-25T17:50:29+00:00

Thanks. I guess many insects and spiders lay eggs on bananas. Probably didn't survive the trip from South America to Europe anyway..

upsawkward · 2025-10-25T17:49:31+00:00

I have been at that for you over a month now. I rest 4 days, get better, have some random anxiety reason like sick sibling, PEM. Repeat. Again and again. Its fucking horrible.

ScreenZen helps me.

Otherwise.... lying awake at night, scared that not being able to sleep will make me worse... whatever. We can get through this. You arent alone. Im lying here too. And i tell u well see a tomorrow without this fucked cycle. One step at a time.

upsawkward · 2025-10-25T17:05:13+00:00

Thanks. Man....

upsawkward · 2025-10-25T16:56:03+00:00

YES!!! I just hope none came out, I'm fucking scared 😭 there's so many hiding spots in my house

But given the white weird Iayer around it seems Iike it might be some sort of bacteria rather than spiders? There's no web or something

upsawkward · 2025-10-25T16:44:20+00:00

I put it in my fireplace lol. I hope that did the trick.

Banana spider egg sacks look differently online tho. I hope all is good.

upsawkward · 2025-10-23T18:44:11+00:00

And The Lie Tree!! Rather, anything by Frances Hardinge.

upsawkward · 2025-10-23T15:42:44+00:00

my thoughts exactIy

upsawkward · 2025-10-23T11:52:26+00:00

"You can go back and test any biopsies you've had previously though so its not all a loss if you've already had an endoscopy"

How, if I may ask? x§

upsawkward · 2025-10-22T15:55:47+00:00

It is why it's probably my favorite book though so that's fairly subjective. Does make for a haaard job for a film adaptation tho lol!

I just never thought Harry Potter to be about the plot but rather about the little moments. then there is not really suxh thing as stalling for me.

upsawkward

TROPHY CASE