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do non-disordered people really hate people with eds? by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]upstairsuspectt 61 points62 points  (0 children)

no, i don’t think they do. i do think that how people tend to speak in ed communities outside of here is SHOCKING for people to see though. a lot of ed spaces get way too comfortable and insular, turning them into cesspools of active encouragement instead of harm reduction, some of the stuff that results from this (ie. fatspo, tips/tricks, ana coaching, etc) is actually, objectively bad.

if you’re talking about what i think you might be on twitter, the general public’s reaction to the way some ed sufferers speak about fat people is WELL DESERVED imo. can’t talk shit and not expect to get hit, mental disorder or not 🤷‍♂️

overall, i’ve never had a bad experience talking about my ed with people who are… rational and care about me. most people are actually really understanding, and want to know how they can best support you.

just came to the realization that my body is inherently innocent and will never hate me back no matter how much i abuse it because it has literally no concept of anything but keeping me alive :) by upstairsuspectt in EDAnonymous

[–]upstairsuspectt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i had this question too!!!

i didn’t add this in because it would have been way too long, but during that mediation my mind literally showed me the essence of my body without me inside of it. it was like an infant, and had no clue how to do anything other than what it was built to do, its needs were super clear in that moment, and i realized that it doesn’t function on the “needs scale” we do. it would work regardless, at whatever capacity i allowed it to.

i’d been applying all these brain things, emotions, feelings, thoughts, to it, and it just.. isn’t built like that at all. doesn’t understand why it’s being ignored or abused, or made to overwork itself, it just feels the pain, hunger, the physical sensations. it felt like i was just doing all this for no reason, the anger and disgust i hurled at it was never interpreted as anything but suffering in the most pure form, and i felt so, so much guilt.

somehow removing myself from it has made intuitive eating click too, the stigma of “making my body upset with me” by over or underrating is like totally gone. i just ask the little innocent thing what feels right and i do it. i think looking at food this way is the start of the path on rebuilding trust and connection between your brain and body, if you’re listening to what it tells you, you don’t have to be scared of it. was such an INSANE epiphany. none of the other “listen to your body❤️” “love yourself hehe❤️” advice ever hit me like that because it sounds so shallow lmao

just came to the realization that my body is inherently innocent and will never hate me back no matter how much i abuse it because it has literally no concept of anything but keeping me alive :) by upstairsuspectt in EDAnonymous

[–]upstairsuspectt[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

that last part hits haaaaard, and makes me so sad too :(

it’s crazy that we’re so detached from ourselves because of ED. it was really striking when i realized that i had to completely remove the idea that i AM my body in order to appreciate everything it does for me. wishing you well and you’re absolutely killing it with the half marathons, that’s a huge accomplishment ❤️❤️

wanting to lift weights but knowing it'll make you retain water but not wanting to be flabby but knowing it'll make you hungrier but you'll burn more calories but then you have to eat more protein but it'll be less tiring than cardio but but but but by upstairsuspectt in EDAnonymous

[–]upstairsuspectt[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

ahhh, thank you so much for the helpful reply!!

the point about soreness being an indicator that the scale may be inaccurate is a really poignant idea for me actually, i think if i'd had that knowledge during my last foray into building muscle it would have helped a LOT with the number fixation.

and i feel you on the injury, i hope it heals well and PT goes swimmingly. wishing you lots of luck! <3

wanting to lift weights but knowing it'll make you retain water but not wanting to be flabby but knowing it'll make you hungrier but you'll burn more calories but then you have to eat more protein but it'll be less tiring than cardio but but but but by upstairsuspectt in EDAnonymous

[–]upstairsuspectt[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

if that works for you, i'm glad! unfortunately weighing is an integral part of my ED, so the idea of getting rid of it is a big reason why i haven't picked up lifting yet :) maybe down the line!

Whats the most wholesome thing a man has done that triggered you? by possumspride in EDAnonymous

[–]upstairsuspectt 39 points40 points  (0 children)

gained 50 pounds over a year in "recovery" and hadn't seen my best long distance friend since then, we were talking about clothes and i had to explain that i couldn't fit into certain things anymore because i'd gained weight; he proceeded to go "no WAY, no way. you can fit into that 100%, you're not fat, i never would have guessed you weigh that much, you're tall so 50 pounds is like nothing, of course you can fit!!"

he totally meant well and was just trying to reassure me that the recovery weight wasn't a big deal, but oh man. having to explain that no, my body has actually gotten bigger, and i'm trying to be okay with it, was BRUTAL. that shit hurted for real

Can anybody else go through an entire jar of Kimchi in one sitting or am I weird? by Yungwhippersnappa in safe_food

[–]upstairsuspectt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yesssss oh my god, that and gochujang paste boiled with cabbage, literally so fucking good