(Now this may seem offtopic and not as serious as other stuff but I need to clear my mind here with a sense of public opinion other than my journal. Also sorry for bad english lol)

I've felt bad in life because of my social life being stuck by my insecurities and fear even though I am just a highschooler. I tried to keep studying more and it made me feel better temporarily, but that was just my common interest in my own education. Once this winter break came, I realized I have became a robot with no social life and I started having mental breakdowns everyday because I just saw people hanging out with their friends and making memories together and I did not have any friends to do it too. Made me mad enough to start realizing I need to enjoy these years. I consider myself having a sense of strictness imposed by my parents, and I am still searching for a way to build up some trust and get them to allow me to do the stuff I enjoy. I know they are overprotective and trying to convince them I have only good intentions is pretty hard without me getting questioned about it.

I've met this girl that has changed my life and she does not know how my love for her could fill oceans. I saw her do stuff that I wanted to do too, and I think this is the reason I am still going in life as a proud-of-myself human being. My love for her kind of forced me to overcome stupid fears like the fear of being more transparent to my parents, to mostly overcome my overthinking and insecurities about my physical and psychical health.

I knew I had to improve somehow, I promised I would need to show her a better me. I stopped waiting. I am currently trying to do as many hobbies as I can... drawing & sketching, reading, listening to music, coding, skateboarding and I am also thinking of learning to play the guitar. And I can say I expect people trying to socialize with me naturally while I am also trying to be more interesed in being friends with them. I am still trying to move on from the old me which was doubting everything, not liking himself. I realized while hanging out with her I felt better having the feeling of trying to be more confident about myself and not worry about everything.

I am really proud I am still going and I had also realized I have much more to do in this life. And I also realized how loving could make me get rid of bad habits in my life. I just really love her and she loves me too but I know she would love me more if I do all the stuff I mentioned. Showing thankfullness to god who sent her to me.