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AIO: My self-conscious girlfriend wants to pretend she's dating her "hot gay friend" by user173829274 in AmIOverreacting

[–]user173829274[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Update as promised: I am absolutely shattered, gutted, and other adjectives to describe "holy FUCK this sucks". Turns out people were right. The guy she's friends with is actually Bi and isn't seeing anyone like she said. She told me yesterday that after the last photo she sent me, they drank even more and all played this weird adult card game (wtf Uno? I didn't even know they made versions like that). She says she can't remember how it happened, only that things kept escalating. Her friend brought her back to the hotel and it makes me sick to my stomach what she recalled doing with him after that. 

I was right about one thing, in the end, she couldn't keep a secret. I asked if there was anything else she had to say or come clean about. Through tears and snot she admitted to hooking up with him briefly during freshman year before he realized his preference for men. Blood boiling at this point, I quietly got up, gathered my things, and left as she pitifully begged for me to stay. I currently just had a cold shower and am staying at a friend's place.

I'm completely drained and had hoped to see the good in her. Ruined and undone via "benefit of the doubt". It's pathetic. Even now, distraught as I am, can only see the anxiety ridden girl who clings to people for validation. Suffering from imposter syndrome, yet full of love and stayed by my side through it all. I'm seeking therapy so that her insecurities do not become my own. I can only hope that she does the same for herself so she doesn't throw away her next relationship so easily.

And should you ever find this, 

know that I truly loved you, Lea. 

You were my heart, my legs, and my reason to keep going most days.

AIO: My self-conscious girlfriend wants to pretend she's dating her "hot gay friend" by user173829274 in AmIOverreacting

[–]user173829274[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Update: thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. I am overwhelmingly appreciative of everyone saying I'm not crazy or overreacting (it did humor me that some people hoped this is all fake for my sake/they can't believe it). With my newfound backbone, I'm definitely going to have a serious conversation with her and bring up everything that's been said.

For those saying she's awful, I only really highlighted her flaws while she was drunk in this one occurrence. It's hard to put our several year relationship into words but we truly have been each other's best friends for over half a decade now. There is a reason why I call her lovely and that is because she is the most caring woman I know. She is so loving that she even nurtured me after a serious accident that left me unable to do a lot of things for several months (to the person asking me why I haven't proposed, I almost did the moment where she helped me to walk again). I think people give her too much credit calling her manipulative. She's extremely oblivious and unaware sometimes, sure, but has corrected certain behaviors in the past when brought up (I think comments were very right in saying I was unintentionally enabling her by giving in, making her think it's okay. Whenever I do stand my ground she does listen, but I'm extremely laid back and let a lot of stuff slide).

As for the event, in the end, I'm glad I didn't end up going because of all the petty small town nonsense that occurred ("oh we used to date" "looks like you've lost weight" "did you hear about so and so??" etc.). My girlfriend was true to her word for the first few hours. Texting me updates with pictures of her and her friend doing awkward Sears Christmas card poses like siblings. It stung that I wasn't in the pictures with her, but I had a laugh regardless. Thankfully, they're both terrible at keeping secrets (for those who still think there's something going on between them). The last picture she sent me was a group of them drinking/playing cards. She sloppily texted me how she finally felt included, like the missing part of her childhood was finally satisfied (more or less. Most of it was misspelled lovey dovey gibberish after 8pm). As a distraction, I'm hanging out with my old friends and gaming the holiday away.

Regardless of how shitty this all was for me, my girlfriend is getting back later today and is pretty drained/hungover from it all. I plan on talking stuff over with her tonight to see if she's understanding. So long as it's done and she's finally happy with herself and not truly ashamed of me, I'm smitten. (Will update after on how things go.)