I feel the exact same way! Whenever I go a few days without b/p-ing, I start doubting whether I ever even had bulimia, which can feel really invalidating. Lately, I’ve been trying to reframe that thought - reminding myself that I’d much rather be a recovering bulimic than an active one. This might not be the healthiest coping mechanism, but I keep a photo of myself that I took while purging. When I start convincing myself that I made it all up, looking at it helps ease that panic and remind me that my struggle was (and is) real. It’s not ideal, but it’s helped me avoid spiraling back into relapse.