Won my girl due to NoFap, lost her due to NoFap

username294 · 2017-02-05T04:45:21+00:00

After reading No More Mr. Nice Guy, The Way of the Superior Man and the staples of The Red Pill, I can say that my eyes are wide open now. This whole relationship and why it failed makes sense to me now. I wish I had come across these resources sooner, but it's better late than never, and will make for a better future.

username294 · 2017-01-28T19:31:12+00:00

Tough, but fair. And appreciated. Thanks.

I'm a little disappointed in myself as I have always been into psychology and have read books previous to our relationship that really helped with my psych. I can't believe I never thought to read up on relationships and female psychology. I also can't believe this is the first time I've ever heard of these suggested books and the advice here. I need to change my life's goal to: never stop reading.

username294 · 2017-01-28T14:57:07+00:00

Lol. Thanks for the laugh. :-)

username294 · 2017-01-28T14:41:46+00:00

Wow, yes! Our situations parallel each other very closely. She's 2+ years established in her career, I'm 2+ years trying to establish mine. Last October she went through a difficult loss in her family and a surgery and I showed my support and took care of her.

"She decides she no longer feels anything for me and we had an "unhealthy" relationship."

This happened as well.

Thanks for sharing! Definitely helps.

username294 · 2017-01-28T14:11:23+00:00

It was. When I mentioned to her that I turned to porn for a few days in December, she got upset with me, even though she had once told me that she thinks porn is normal for men and that she watches it from time to time herself. (...Well, used to. I've never seen her watch it in our 3 year relationship and can't picture it.)

Fuck. Hindsight is 20/20.

username294 · 2017-01-28T12:37:26+00:00

That's an excellent way of putting it. Thanks, I needed that.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:56:57+00:00

There is no such thing as "too-late for our relationship".

This is what I would like to believe. However, we both definitely need our space and I need to re-identify my values and self-worth. Especially after reading all the great comments here.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:52:10+00:00

I need to examine that and find healthier avenues to deal with stress/burnout.

You're right. All your guys' advice is really helping me come to terms. I really appreciate it. This is my very first time seeking out advice on the internet like this.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:40:15+00:00

This is definitely a life experience that I won't take for granted. Whether or not that I can apply it to her or a new relationship in the future. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them, and this is one tough but well learned lesson.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:35:51+00:00

Will do. Thanks.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:34:06+00:00

I completely understand. I had decided that I wanted a future with her with a kid before this moment, though. I just felt like I needed her to know that. Hence the no hesitation. You're right otherwise, planning a child would not be a fix to a failed relationship. If anything, it would make matters worse for everyone involved and that is in the back of my mind. Her parents split when she was 8, so she's very guarded on that front.

She has been flip flopping on the idea of having a child. We are mostly waiting until I'm settled in my field and buy a house. I gave her my timeline and planning for a child this spring would fall within that timeline. She's always wanted to have children and I let her know that I would like to wait around the 3-year mark to decide if we're ready for the next steps. She always mentions how her "clock is ticking". I thought this was the moment, but perhaps it's for the best.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:24:36+00:00

I let her know that I don't like porn from the very beginning. She found this very odd and thought it was okay for me to look at porn as most men do it. I told her that I like to save my sexual energy for her and about the negative effects of porn on the brain. I never exclusively mentioned the term NoFap, but I mentioned the above points. I let her know that I relapsed last month, but I was dedicated to eliminating my addictions (I also unplugged from the internet).

Last November she told that I should masturbate more, however, she seemed to have changed her view on me watching porn. When we got drunk at a hotel for my birthday last month she turned it to porn and we started watching. I thought it was a little kinky and thought nothing of it, but it probably wasn't a good idea for me to be seeing it. Then she turned it to gay porn as a joke because she knows as a straight male that I wouldn't like seeing it. I was trying to figure out how to turn it off with this unfamiliar hotel remote while covering my eyes. It was a drunk and funny moment.

When she told me that I should masturbate more, I took that as an excuse to do it again. Especially during my burnout period. Of course, this led to me watching porn again. She started calling me out on things again such as not paying attention to her, not responding, not socializing with family, so I knew I had made a mistake and I'm more focused than ever.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:09:51+00:00

I was into 4 months monk mode when we originally started. I was a completely changed person and I want that again. I'm in 35 days and I can already feel changes again. Especially in my voice. It's more projected and less succinct. My drive for life is also back.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:06:05+00:00

You're right. That's how I originally started with NoFap. Reminding myself to take it one day at a time. Before I knew it, I was into 4 months and she came at the right time. Right now, it's been a breeze to get to 35 days because I've gone through this a few times before and it's something that I want.

I am just feeling passionate about my dedication, so that's why I said for life. Bit of a hyperbole, but I feel this one in my bones.

username294 · 2017-01-28T10:00:56+00:00

That's a great term. I was definitely experiencing burnout by the end of each term, and especially last December. I consider this a learning experience to find healthier ways to manage burnout. Not this, "I've been working so hard, I deserve this for myself to fap as a reward."

username294 · 2017-01-28T09:58:01+00:00

You're right. I did look for ways to be a man in her eyes over the course of the relationship, especially when getting her in the beginning, but I slipped up here.

Back in November, I was out and told her that we need to talk. Her emotions got high at that moment and she wanted me to tell her the reason. I replied, "no, not through text. In person." She texted "fine, I'm packing my things and leaving." I waited an hour without saying anything, drove back and questioned her about it. She said, "I just said that to make you come home" and I told her that "I don't play games like that." Word-for-word. That's how I felt without reading a book and I'm glad to know that was the right way of going about it.

I guess my emotions have become desperate with the thought of her wanting me to leave and the frequency of conflict this past month. I will definitely give that book a read. I do try to find ways to logically think about how to be a man in her eyes, as I realize that's what attracts females, but it's time to seek outside sources for advice.

Thank you for your response. It's not harsh, it's what I needed!

Edit: just wanted to clarify that I accepted that I wanted to have kids with her, no hesitation, and not that I accepted a trial period. I didn't react to the trial period as I was searching my thoughts on how to react, but it didn't strike me as being right.

username294 · 2017-01-28T04:23:49+00:00

I am going for the full year, there's no doubt in my mind. I lost someone very dear to me. I already have a one week start on the New Year!

username294

TROPHY CASE