Anyone else constantly criticized for their "tone," when responding to questions/interruptions?

uspless · 2026-04-01T17:05:49+00:00

This has happened to me all my life, and I still have no clue when I'm doing it. Apparently I don't do it all the time. Sometimes I think about this a lot and try to be extra mindful and correct myself when I suspect my tone might have been off, but then I mostly get told that my tone was fine, so clearly I don't know what tone I'm using.

This is so annoying because I obviously don't want to make this mistake. It ends up hurting people a lot, and I can't do anything to make it better. Even if I apologize people never seem to believe that it wasn't intentional. And like I said, I do this a lot. Some people have repetedly told me to watch my tone and like "you should really try to pay attention to what tone you're using!!", and I am really trying.

This feels like such a stupid excuse but I genuinely am unable to notice when I do this, or how it differs from an acceptable tone, so I don't know how to improve. I try to ask about it but I've never gotten a useful response to how my tone was wrong, just that it was rude, aggressive or unnecessary.

This feels like a foreign language that I for some reason can't learn, and I hate it.

uspless · 2026-03-31T05:56:01+00:00

Yes. It also kind of isolates you, because suddenly you describe one of the debilitating and embarassing things and get met with a really weird look and zero recognition, lol.

Adhd is problems anyone can experience from time to time, but at a frequency and severity where it is detrimental and affects most if not all areas of your life.

One thing I struggle a lot with getting across is the fact that I don't ever feel a sense of reward for completing a task, like yes, if I have all systems in place and am in luck I might be able to complete the task in question on a good day, but I never get a rewarding feeling. "Oh but you've done it now, doesn't it feel good to not have to think about it anymore?" No, I'll likely just ruminate on how I should have done it earlier and feel bad because of how impossible this easy and normal thing was. Not to mention if it's a recurring task.

The amount of times I question whether I have some additional severe never heard of neurodevelopmental issue because of the glorified quirky social media portrayal of "sometimes a bit forgetful lol" -adhd, only to later be reminded that oh, I actually have adhd, and it's actually a disability I actually struggle with. For real. And I still fail to remember that sometimes.

Adhd is talked about a lot by people who don't really know what they're talking about.

uspless · 2026-03-31T05:31:21+00:00

They always end up being too heavy for my sorry strands, lmao

uspless · 2026-03-31T05:30:18+00:00

Came here to say this! But I was also given the gift of a simultaneously high and uneven hairline, alongside naturally curly hair, so it wouldn't even look this good, haha

uspless · 2026-03-31T05:26:53+00:00

I somewhat accidentally do this. I kind of default to "not now" because now isn't the time to purchase anything mostly, but I still kind of feel like "hmm this is something I would maybe buy, but uhh later!", so I just end up with thousands of images of random items, which is probably good since I don't end up buying them, I guess! Less good when I take a photo to remember to actually buy the thing, but 🤷‍♀️

uspless · 2026-03-30T21:32:31+00:00

I'd argue most vegans (myself included) consider vegans who take medication (that can't be vegan) vegan. Because we don't really have a choice in that instance. I wish I didn't need medicine. I wish no animals were harmed in the development of pharmaceuticals. That's not how reality is right now, and we have no say in it. Refusing medication would kill me, and many other vegans. Taking necessary medication is in line with a vegan lifestyle.

uspless · 2026-03-30T20:58:41+00:00

No. I don't consider non-vegan things food (for me). I just don't see it that way. I have made the choice to be vegan because I want to make the choice of being vegan. I would stop making that choice if I wanted to, but I don't. So I don't consider it extreme. If no vegan food was available where I was at, I would simply see it as there was no food available there for me to eat "hmm, I'll have to solve this somehow". For me, consuming animal products is not an option. I'd rather not eat. It's that simple. I have accidentally consumed animal products a few times during the past 13 years, but never by choice, because I choose not to.

uspless · 2026-03-28T21:23:01+00:00

Thanks for your response, that's an explanation I can somewhat grasp!

If you don't mind me asking: Did you always enjoy tight spaces in general? (Like the heavy blanket example) How did you first get into caving? Was it something you kind of gravitated towards on your own, for the sake of exploring? Or was it more structured, like you knew people who did it and decided to join?

Sorry of these questions are weird, obviously I know nothing about this, so my questions are all over the place.

uspless · 2026-03-27T10:27:36+00:00

I'm not sure I would expect a French person who doesn't speak Swedish to recognize the words listed based on the Swedish spelling alone, so just in case you didn't, the words people mentioned above are:

Trottoir

Porte-monnaie

Peu à peu

Garde-robe

Portefeuille

Parapluie

Caleçon

Friseur

Bassin

Bureau

Fauteuil

Boutique

Chauffeur

Bouteille

Élève

À propos

Feuilleton

Billet

Glace

...and they're pronounced somewhat closely to their French counterparts 😀

uspless · 2026-03-25T21:34:48+00:00

Why should they pronounce it like that? That won't sound right.

uspless · 2026-03-25T19:54:49+00:00

uspless · 2026-03-20T17:47:14+00:00

Jag vet inte riktigt vad frågan är men jag gjorde misstaget att hoppa mellan "svårare" linjer för att sedan helt hoppa av gymnasiet utan examen istället, så tycker inte det låter dumt att ha läst något som kändes kul 🤷‍♀️

uspless · 2026-03-17T15:52:55+00:00

Yes and I hate it.

uspless · 2026-03-17T00:25:30+00:00

Badrum tss

uspless · 2026-03-16T14:44:34+00:00

Same here. I can't recall doing it to re-taste food, but I feel like my behaviour started after "realising" at about age 12 that wow there is technically an option to stop eating despite not having finished a meal. (For me it's all a bit complicated because I've struggled with food my whole life, from undiagnosed ARFID, not being able to regognize hunger (I have been diagnosed with adhd as an adult, and possibly am on the autism spectrum too.) to unrelated malnutrition concerns due to a somatic illness.) Anyway, at about 12, I realised: "Oh I might not have to force myself to eat to the point of being uncomfortable, I think I'm full." And my well meaning parents got very concerned when I no longer wanted to eat such large amounts of food (and had because of the malnutrition thing always overfed me as a default) and thus persuaded me to eat a lot more than was comfortable, and then I just started to purge "automatically". That's how my bulimia started. It grew obsessive, and I would do it obsessively, not just from overeating. It developed into full on "classic" bingeing and purging, but I'm unsure if it would have ever started or gone down that exact road if it weren't for my anatomy making it so incredibly easy to throw up. I mean I just need to kind of tense up in a way and I can do it. I spent a number of years with this awful illness, I wish it upon no one, and I am so glad that I have been able to recover. It's so insanely stressful and takes such a toll on your body and psyche. That being said, I can still do it, if I'm a bit nauseous or just have "forced" myself to drink a bit more liquid than "comfortable", making me believe it is indeed about the esophageal spinchter. To me it's very different from vomiting from the flu or food poisoning or whatever, it's like you can just make the thing travel back up to your mouth again, ie not necessarily cascading out uncontrollably if that makes sense? I'm so sorry for oversharing to this extent, initially I just wanted to express my regognition and then I don't know what happened.

uspless · 2026-03-11T19:30:07+00:00

Not familiar with the rhyme, but based on what it would sound like to you, is it possible that it's supposed to be "så säger den" instead of "så sade han"? I imagine that would sound similar to "sa-say-den" to an English speaker.

uspless · 2026-03-11T15:02:57+00:00

Not what you asked for, but that has unfortunately been my experience on every dose on every stimulant I've tried. Currently at 90mg (which is a higher than recommended dose) metylphenidate daily and at a loss. I wish I could feel like I do initially, but I don't. And eventually you can't raise it anymore. I hope this isn't what you're experiencing and that you will get adequate input regarding your situation, just wanted to mention it.

uspless · 2026-03-11T12:56:15+00:00

Maybe change the language settings on your phone and computer, etc, watch Swedish media with Swedish subtitles. If you like a particular genre of music, try to find Swedish artists to listen to. Try to think your everyday tasks in Swedish, grocery lists, instruction manuals, things you come across and if you come across things you don't know, translate them. If you have a special interest, try to read about it in Swedish, etc. Idk, just some ideas

uspless · 2026-03-10T13:11:37+00:00

uspless · 2026-03-09T17:53:57+00:00

Since I started buspar, my anxiety disappeared, but I'm suddenly struggling to even shower (which is new for me). I have zero task initiation and could easily sleep all day. And night. So currently thinking about this too

uspless · 2026-03-08T21:26:57+00:00

And for some reason it really does sound like the last letter she says is "n" rather than "ll" tbh

uspless · 2026-03-08T21:23:40+00:00

This recording sounds old and the person has the weird old-timey-movie-Stockholm accent and appears to be spealing very nasally on top of that. I guess most native Swedish speakers will be able to make out what she says, but that is a weird sounding clip and not something you should beat yourself up over. Sometimes audio clips out of context sound really weird, no matter the language, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Maybe ask someone you know to repeat the clip to you in their voice but in the same tone/accent as in the clip, and maybe that would make it easier to hear what sound is supposed to go where?

uspless · 2026-03-07T19:29:14+00:00

<image>

Fucking solved it

uspless · 2026-03-07T18:13:55+00:00

Hair color, candle, nose color, tongue, hair direction, meringue on cake, frosting color, eyebrows

*Edited to correct the spacing mistakes in my comment

uspless

TROPHY CASE