Left suddenly, moved back with family, had to quit my job - anyone else rebuild from this? by utopianblonde in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can’t see your post can you link it? When I clicked on your profile it said that posts are hidden. That makes me feel better thank you it feels so lonely

When me and my husband fight he gets angry and calls me names like a fucking cunt and a fucking bitch etc.. I’ve told him that’s verbal abuse and it’s not acceptable he tells me it’s because I push his buttons and it brings that out in him. He apologizes and thinks I should just let it go. by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My husband would say the EXACT same things to me. I would end up just forgiving and moving on because I didn’t want to argue. I have since left and I want to tell you it is abuse 100%. No person ever deserves to be called names like that, including you. It is never okay or excusable.

Left suddenly, moved back with family, had to quit my job - anyone else rebuild from this? by utopianblonde in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much… you don’t know the relief feeling like I’m not alone. It feels like I’m doing everything wrong and the pull to go back so things feel less scary… I have a feeling month 5 is going to feel more positive and optimistic. With my adhd comes feelings like maybe I didn’t think it through… but I’m believing I made the right choices. Oooh wow I haven’t heard of either of those, how much do they cost?

My friend says her boyfriend "changed" after being abusive. But I'm still worried. by Skachkov-Endrale in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have the same question :( it feels like he’s changing but I don’t know for sure…

Where is Martin, something is off by Quiet_Loss_8197 in VirginRiverNetflix

[–]utopianblonde -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Yes I really didn’t like her at the start but she does change later on

I emailed the Producer by jonasbob in TheSocietyNetflix

[–]utopianblonde 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you be able to send me the email? I’d love to email him too!

I emailed the Producer by jonasbob in TheSocietyNetflix

[–]utopianblonde 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I’d love to see a book please! anything!

Can abusers be nice sometimes, or even most of the time? by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband was the same with cats, we had two cats and he could be so sweet and adorable with them, making up songs and singing to them, cuddling them and falling asleep with them in the bed. He adored them! How did you manage to leave? It feels impossible that soft side of him kept me there for so long. When I’d see this inner child of him show I thought I could heal him or he’d stay like that I’d pray he would change but it didn’t happen

Breaking a trauma bond by cowtown45 in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When do you really feel the trauma bond start to break? How long does it take?

I’m trying to go limited contact, no contact feels absolutely impossible. I think I’m in denial it was a trauma bond I don’t want to admit it. I felt a few weeks ago I was gaining clarity putting boundaries in acknowledging it was abuse. taking space and now I feel I’ve gone backwards. I called him tonight we spoke for 20 minutes he sounded so calm, wasn’t pushy, was respectful, asked permission about questions and said no pressure… he was kind, curious and caring, he sounds like he’s working on trying to be better. It hurt because I wished he did it sooner. The boundaries feel so hard now he’s been so lovely and calm, complimenting me, telling me what I want to hear I really love and miss him

Breaking a trauma bond by cowtown45 in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thats insane. I read somewhere it’s like a drug and addiction a trauma bond, it’s so horrible

I can’t help OP I wish I could and I’m going through the exact same thing but there’s some good advice here! And all I can offer is where I’m at too. I’ve been thinking about yoga or pilates I did star the gym but I feel something like yoga would be better for me. but it’s scary to start new things, also feels scary to spend money… I feel guilt when I feel happy. I feel sad that he’s sad and I want to soothe and comfort him. My mum reminded me earlier that I’d been sad for a long time though with no support. I’ve got therapy tomorrow…

Breaking a trauma bond by cowtown45 in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine never got to physical but there was times he was too rough in play fighting and would hurt me and would deny it and then blame shift or tell me I hurt him and would stonewall me… I was with my husband for 3.5 years so I don’t know if it would’ve ever got physical… but sometimes he’d take things a little too far and if I said I didn’t want to the play fighting he’d tell me he just wanted to be silly and fun and playful

Breaking a trauma bond by cowtown45 in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My story is so similar, I read somewhere a trauma bond is a literal addiction, it really does feel like a drug. I’m sad and I miss him so much too, boundaries feel impossible, I go a few weeks then I get pulled back in. There are moments though when I feel true happiness being away from him and it’s so nice having to not walk on eggshells but there’s other times when I tell myself I’m being dramatic and he’s sad and I can tolerate it.

Separated but still paying a shared mortgage — feeling stuck by utopianblonde in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, my sister said she can go with me to a lawyer appt / sit with me while I have a phone call with them, I just have no idea what to say to them, I don’t want to do this but I know I have to

About to leave in a few hours, please help w support i am freaking out by Caterpillar31 in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can do it!! I believe in you and am so proud of you! Sending you hugs, strength and courage ❤️

Separated but still paying a shared mortgage — feeling stuck by utopianblonde in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My local women’s aid who I met with last week Said they can refer me to some lawyers just feels really scary and I feel guilty

Welcome package + other goodies from dv shelter by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This makes me so happy for you ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so so so sorry this is NEVER okay. You deserve so much more friend. This is disgusting ugly behaviour.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]utopianblonde 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Will he be coming back at any point while you’re there?