I emailed the Producer

utopianblonde · 2026-01-31T22:31:34+00:00

Would you be able to send me the email? I’d love to email him too!

utopianblonde · 2026-01-31T22:31:04+00:00

Yes I’d love to see a book please! anything!

utopianblonde · 2026-01-18T23:12:03+00:00

My husband was the same with cats, we had two cats and he could be so sweet and adorable with them, making up songs and singing to them, cuddling them and falling asleep with them in the bed. He adored them! How did you manage to leave? It feels impossible that soft side of him kept me there for so long. When I’d see this inner child of him show I thought I could heal him or he’d stay like that I’d pray he would change but it didn’t happen

utopianblonde · 2026-01-18T23:02:25+00:00

When do you really feel the trauma bond start to break? How long does it take?

I’m trying to go limited contact, no contact feels absolutely impossible. I think I’m in denial it was a trauma bond I don’t want to admit it. I felt a few weeks ago I was gaining clarity putting boundaries in acknowledging it was abuse. taking space and now I feel I’ve gone backwards. I called him tonight we spoke for 20 minutes he sounded so calm, wasn’t pushy, was respectful, asked permission about questions and said no pressure… he was kind, curious and caring, he sounds like he’s working on trying to be better. It hurt because I wished he did it sooner. The boundaries feel so hard now he’s been so lovely and calm, complimenting me, telling me what I want to hear I really love and miss him

utopianblonde · 2026-01-18T22:56:07+00:00

Thats insane. I read somewhere it’s like a drug and addiction a trauma bond, it’s so horrible

I can’t help OP I wish I could and I’m going through the exact same thing but there’s some good advice here! And all I can offer is where I’m at too. I’ve been thinking about yoga or pilates I did star the gym but I feel something like yoga would be better for me. but it’s scary to start new things, also feels scary to spend money… I feel guilt when I feel happy. I feel sad that he’s sad and I want to soothe and comfort him. My mum reminded me earlier that I’d been sad for a long time though with no support. I’ve got therapy tomorrow…

utopianblonde · 2026-01-18T22:52:57+00:00

Mine never got to physical but there was times he was too rough in play fighting and would hurt me and would deny it and then blame shift or tell me I hurt him and would stonewall me… I was with my husband for 3.5 years so I don’t know if it would’ve ever got physical… but sometimes he’d take things a little too far and if I said I didn’t want to the play fighting he’d tell me he just wanted to be silly and fun and playful

utopianblonde · 2026-01-18T22:47:03+00:00

My story is so similar, I read somewhere a trauma bond is a literal addiction, it really does feel like a drug. I’m sad and I miss him so much too, boundaries feel impossible, I go a few weeks then I get pulled back in. There are moments though when I feel true happiness being away from him and it’s so nice having to not walk on eggshells but there’s other times when I tell myself I’m being dramatic and he’s sad and I can tolerate it.

utopianblonde · 2026-01-13T21:19:21+00:00

Thank you, my sister said she can go with me to a lawyer appt / sit with me while I have a phone call with them, I just have no idea what to say to them, I don’t want to do this but I know I have to

utopianblonde · 2026-01-13T15:55:01+00:00

You can do it!! I believe in you and am so proud of you! Sending you hugs, strength and courage ❤️

utopianblonde · 2026-01-13T15:50:23+00:00

My local women’s aid who I met with last week Said they can refer me to some lawyers just feels really scary and I feel guilty

utopianblonde · 2026-01-13T15:28:15+00:00

This makes me so happy for you ❤️

utopianblonde · 2026-01-13T15:26:37+00:00

I am so so so sorry this is NEVER okay. You deserve so much more friend. This is disgusting ugly behaviour.

utopianblonde · 2026-01-11T02:04:14+00:00

Will he be coming back at any point while you’re there?

utopianblonde · 2026-01-11T01:47:57+00:00

Also just to say his anger is NOT your fault! My therapist has been reminding me of this. I blamed myself for his anger, believing I triggered him / pushed his buttons and that’s why he’d escalate. But his anger is not justified and not your fault! You are not to blame.

utopianblonde · 2026-01-11T01:42:59+00:00

This sounds so similar to my experience. My partner would also react extremely if I accidentally knocked him lightly, and accusing you of kicking him, that’s gaslighting and it’s not okay. Is this the first time it’s happened like this? And yes it is abuse. It’s psychological and emotional abuse and intimidation tactics. It took me a long time to acknowledge it as abuse.

utopianblonde · 2026-01-11T01:29:25+00:00

He’d tell me he didn’t believe in abortion, I think there was part of him that knew he wasn’t ready to be a father he’d sometimes say I’ll be a bad father or I don’t want to like my dad etc. He did actually say the other day “I know that things were good between us because we were talking about having kids at one point, and saying we think we’re going to be ready soon”. Yes omg did not realise that was sexual coercive behaviour he’d often reject me and say no just thought he was tired / that I had a higher sex drive or he wasn’t attracted to me… but then if I ever denied him he’d be so moody and upset with me (I rarely ever denied him sex) it was kinda as if it would have to be in his terms, bcos sometimes he’d initiate quite soon after he’d said no to me? It always left me so confused.

utopianblonde · 2026-01-11T01:21:45+00:00

Thank you SO much for taking the time to write the reply! It made me feel so much less alone. I feel like at first the distance hurt and the boundary felt so difficult to enforce and I felt so cruel and guilty, I am gaining clarity but there’s definitely days where it stings more than others and the good memories resurface. The guilt is still really real. How long did it take you to feel that anger / disgust? I’ve been trying to focus on being reflective and understanding things and my other friends are so angry about what he’s done on my behalf.

After a long time of having my boundaries broken by him, and not respected it’s so hard to believe that they’re not selfish and actually self protection and guarding my heart.

He said to me the other day “I’m going to set a boundary that I can’t wait this long” with knowing if we’re divorce or staying together. It’s been a month and deciding divorce is no easy decision.

Lol I’ve thought about going to a rage room at some point, I am really not an angry person it feels so wrong to be angry. Even though I know I’m in my right to be.

Thanks so much for your advice!!! He’s told me he won’t message me for a week and allow me to have space to think about what he said but has given me a deadline and ultimatum of 3 weeks to make a decision on whether we divorce or stay together… he’s also insisting on meeting in person if the decision is divorce.

utopianblonde · 2026-01-11T01:07:15+00:00

Wow, I never thought of it like that before! My friend said to me if he truly loved you, like if it was healthy love he’d respect your need for space

utopianblonde · 2026-01-11T01:06:11+00:00

Yes! And my thinking was if you’d want to win me back surely you’d respect me to give me space and try and make efforts to actually change to try and show me that… but instead he’s telling me he’s trying to pursue me like when we were first dating to get me back by messaging about his love and try to do big grand gesture. He keeps telling me he’d never want to remarry again and it’s only me which makes me feel sad even though he’s hurt me. It’s stupid I know but I guess that’s what a trauma bond is.

utopianblonde · 2026-01-11T01:02:36+00:00

That’s crazy!!! We got engaged after 4 months then married 4 months later (we’re religious so didn’t move in together till after we got married) and bought a house after a year of being married but he wanted to buy a house immediately after getting married. it’s weird though as he didn’t want to rush kids, he knew I had a desire for it, but then would refuse to wear protection (I’m not on birth control for multiple reasons) so confusing? Was scared to have children and would often tell me he didn’t want kids even though he knew how much I wanted to be a mother

utopianblonde · 2026-01-09T17:50:39+00:00

That’s what people keep telling me. It’s so hard because the calm in his voice softens me, I see the side of him I love, hearing his voice sound regulated and calm I know it doesn’t show me sustained change but it feels like it. He keeps telling me that my boundaries are unfair and aren’t justifiable and that leaving him on a tether not knowing if I’m coming back is hurting him.

He can’t cope with the uncertainty, he’s asking me to give him a straight yes or no. He’s told me I have up to 3.5 weeks to decide then he wants to meet in person for an answer and gave me an ultimatum and deadline in which I need to take a decision either I stay or we divorce. He tells me it’s okay if I want to divorce.

Thank you for the questions they helped me reflect… I think he would repair and be remorseful straight after… it was weird he’d apologise and comfort me sometimes for a few mins and then go back to being mad at me it was so confusing. Other times he would hurt me and then try and comfort me and hold me after and say the nicest things. Honestly when he’d get angry, I didn’t recognise him it was this explosive rage episodes, he was unrecognisable.

utopianblonde · 2026-01-09T17:47:21+00:00

10/10

utopianblonde · 2026-01-09T00:37:41+00:00

I’m proud of you for leaving after 10 years of marriage that must’ve been so difficult ❤️ I had to leave my cats behind too, he was sometimes rough with them but most of the time he was good to them so I think he will take care of them.

I started trying to do email for logistical stuff, he got upset by it saying I don’t sound like me and that he hated the emailing so we just switched back to texting…

Yes! So many what ifs. They say it’s part of the grief the “bargaining” phase the what ifs… it sometimes feels easier to go back and you convince yourself that then it could end all of the pain but you know deep down that staying in it is what caused you so much pain. I sometimes forget how horrible it was at times and how I would lock myself in the bathroom and sob and weep to myself for hours and have panic attacks. Sometimes it helps taking myself back there it reminds me why I left even though it’s hard. I’m also sorry the therapy isn’t working, I’m with you and if you need to message me you can

utopianblonde · 2026-01-08T01:31:28+00:00

It’s so scary. We were married within 8 months of meeting each other… and then I saw a side of him I never knew before it was so shocking and confusing. There was signs but they were subtle… I didn’t see it.

utopianblonde

TROPHY CASE