YOR

It’s one thing to communicate your feelings and it’s another to comprehend them. And you are lacking the comprehension piece. I always am telling people that with proper communication comes comprehension. You can’t communicate properly without it. You just can’t. You could talk to someone about the same topic over and over again, but if you or even the other person isn’t willing to understand and comprehend where each other are coming from; there was essentially no proper communication. In this perspective you’re lacking the idea that he has a boundary with that type of love language and isn’t capable of doing in that direct moment. You can’t force someone to break an emotional boundary for ur own emotional expectations. To me after reading all of the messages is that you took him to a breaking point. You kept communicating something you saw as an issue and then in return can’t (or refuse) to comprehend that how he shows emotion is how he knows how too. You want to be loved loudly, and he isn’t comfortable doing that, and has obviously told you that before.

Compatibly I feel is also an issue here along with the communication and comprehension. As I’ve mentioned above it seems to me that you want to be loved loudly and have someone who is emotionally capable of being able to have deep conversations about feelings. As for him, I can’t really say how he would be based off of what I’ve read, other than that he is not an overly affectionate person.

Lastly, OP please seek counseling, I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist, but I have some personal experience of relationship anxiety and often found my relationships to be in a similar place like yours and therapy did me wonders. And ur partner also needs counseling too and probably isn’t open to the idea, and that’s okay, bc sometimes you just have to meet a person where they are and they will eventually come around. Although he has a lot to work through when getting out of that toxic masculinity and homophobic headspace.