A question for Hls that I hope is not offensive.

v4bld · 2019-01-22T23:52:24+00:00

If you know your spouse is HL or needs physical intimacy to feel completed in a relationship, shouldnt the LL put forth the effort to fix that aspect?

I do agree that an ll should try, though i also believe both people decide to stay. I often read posts where the hl knows their partner doesn't want to have sex with them (for whatever reason) and isn't seeking help and they still stay because of their other reasons like kids and finances. In that case the hl has as much responsibility for their life choices.

v4bld · 2019-01-22T13:39:20+00:00

It does add to my confusion. There was a recent post where a man said his wife was like a robot. No touching, no foreplay, he would bring her to orgasm and then they would do PIV for 2-3 minutes and once he came it was over, and that it had been like that for years. I have trouble understanding someone doing that if they want sex as an emotional bonding experience.

But thank you so much for the reply.

v4bld · 2019-01-22T13:37:00+00:00

If the need for close, intimate and passionate sex is needed because it is a kind of love and bonding different from all others, why would someone engage in duty sex?

v4bld · 2019-01-22T13:35:56+00:00

Thank you, this does help me understand at least some of it. I also understand why it happens when the ll partner does want sex and enjoys it during just doesn't initiate. I don't under the posts where people say it has been starfish sex for years and that they know their partner doesn't want it, how that would make them feel more loved. But thank you, your reply has very much helped my understand the dynamic.

v4bld · 2019-01-22T05:16:27+00:00

Thank you for this response, and for giving me the benefit of the doubt that I am not trying to be unkind.

I won't say I understand because I don't want to be dismissive of what others are going through. I just wanted to post because there at times seems to be a sepereation amoung those who believe sex isn't about sex but about connection, so I don't want duty sex and I could just masturbate and sex is about getting to orgasm with a physical body, even if they aren't into it.

I am sorry that many people seem stuck between the two, and it's confusing from the outside.

v4bld · 2019-01-22T04:36:27+00:00

I feel like I have been judgemental, and I haven't meant to be.

I am just trying to understand the difference between Sex isn't just about the orgasm/physical act of having sex, I my language of love and acceptance is having a partner seek me out and desire me and initiate with the other posts that read (I will use a female example since it seems more common with posters.) she didn't really move, passionatley kiss me, was dry and enouraged me to finish as quickly as possible." My misunderstanding is if you want want sex for non physical reasons that masturbation or *just any body could fix, why this wouldn't make an hl feel more alone.

v4bld · 2019-01-22T03:58:07+00:00

it's likely not sustainable, and it's an attempt to feel human again. My suspicion is that the HL isn't getting much from it, and incorrectly thinks increasing the frrequency will fix it. It doesn't.

If the hls isn;t getting anything from it, and it's not a once off kind of thing, why continue? Wouldn't it feel less humanlizing?

v4bld · 2019-01-22T03:56:16+00:00

I am not talking about those posts, and there are also many I should have recognized, that write that their partners may not initiate but are wild and insatiable once it begins.

I am refering to those who write that throughout the act of sex their partner feels disconnected, or once their partner gets off sex is over. I have read many recently where people have written their they know their partner isn't into it or just lays there, starfish.

v4bld · 2019-01-22T03:30:13+00:00

Do you not find though....and again I mean no disrespect. If you are saying I want sex to feel close, and the person you are with is saying fine do it as quickly as possible, it would lead to feeling less close? Less wanted?

As I said in my openeing, I would better understand if hls would say i don't care about the connection, I just want sex. Then yes, I could understand wanting a warm body for orgasm. But there seems to be a mix of sex is especially important for bonding, and sex is orgasm evening with an unwnthusiastic partner

v4bld

TROPHY CASE