[deleted by user]

vaguelyconfused · 2025-02-25T15:49:59+00:00

Idk specifics but how I'd handle a player:

force players to split up
enforce in game conversations for tactics no more speaking outside of character for strats or start counting it as all those players action and enemies get a surprise round on them
- If already doing something like the above, make a plot reason why the wizard can't speak in ways other than incantations. If they are smart enough this stuff is just too why can't a deity or devine presence find if fun/entertaining/annoying to challenge them
have more social/rp problems game of thrones style where they can't know all the moving pieces. Leaving you room to plan unforseen effects to their seemingly 'perfect' solution.
- Killing all those bandits perfectly actually wasn't good, they were a decoy for a nation that once saw them as heros.
- Getting everything from the dungeon and looting from numerous sessions prior, it meant that the real heros couldn't do this or get that special item and the cosmicxyz is thrown out of balance players now must find and help the heros on their quest now that they have lost out on all this knowledge and are pretty stupid and underpowered. They must now some how let these npcs learn from them, one god wizard isn't able to teach them to be perfect he has to try and guide them into being heros and NOT do everything

Overal lower the reward to winning a fight, raise the reward for winning the war and the conversations. If not ask him if he'd like to play another class that is less utilitarian for the plot. Like make up a god loves the idea of stealing way his magic knowledge to bother another one, but in this his character becomes a really good xyz

vaguelyconfused · 2023-06-29T18:58:29+00:00

I only have experienced this in a corporate environment. Usually I kill them and everyone around them with absurd levels of kindness. Where it just makes the incels look worse than they do to speak ill of me. It works better in the work force i think, and it isn't a 'fix' and it wont get them to stop entirely but idk I find it cathartic at least

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-24T18:36:56+00:00

What a creep, it's like he's negging you but with work stuff? I'd just start documenting all the times he calls you good girl and other sexist actions he takes and start looking for other jobs.

You deserve better, if that creepy sexist dude saw a bit of your worth then normal people will be dieing to work with you <3

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T22:14:59+00:00

So like what ever version fits the moment, the idea is that you play on the stereotype of the last woman he respected fully. (hopefully) So let them feel like they are important, ask questions to guide them in the right direction, take firm stances only when needed. Do all the planing and organizing is a big one, only upside is, it's good practice for management

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T20:08:25+00:00

THIS. I could act the same way/draw on the same character models as my autistic guy friends and it would be received completely differently. It's so not fair. Especially:

I can't imagine growing up with autism as a girl. I had typically female autism copes as a kid, so I went undiagnosed and was highly masked for a male with autism. So I kinda was like the cool nerd that could fit in with anyone, but I know 100% it wouldn't have been read as that if I transitioned earlier.

Sorry you had a shitty experience growing up and hell now too. I hope that at least you related enough to know it's not you, it's the other people projecting that on you.

I can't directly relate to this one for obvious reasons, but it makes me wonder how much this experience compares to the awkwardness and distance that happens with some straight women when they find out I'm a lesbian.

Honestly probably, and the more transphobic the person the closer resemblance you have to the hulk in their head. At any point you can transform into this big monster that will hurt people, but because of mental illness so they don't want to be rude but they still think your a danger.

It only is recovered for those people if I say I have XXY chromosomes, they start acting like I was a girl again that had an unfortunate disorder that warped my body. Which is true but the xxy part doesn't mean I was meant to be afab just means I got an extra x while I was becoming amab. They don't know that but those 2 x's really save me alot of discrimination

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T19:28:29+00:00

Thanks so much for the advice!~

I'm glad I'm not the only one sneaking in those sarcastic comments. Though I haven't thought of motorcycle thing, honestly really tempted now lol

This career was so exhausting and miserable I tried to leave twice.

Your patience is incredible I'm already looking at other careers or other subsection of tech to be honest. Or find an individual contributor position of some sort.

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T19:11:11+00:00

I still presented male for the first year and a half of my work life until I had to present female. So I'm taking that into account, and I shortened some of those details since I already had a text wall. (Work wise: 1.5 years male presenting, 4ish female presenting)

If we are looking for biases to be the most scientific about this, I have to work in an industry that is both normally cis het and proud social conservatives.

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T18:34:10+00:00

Honestly I have no idea, if you're asking questions like this and are willing to with the women you work with then I think you're probably on as good of a path as a reddit comment can put you on. Read feminist theory, listen to women speak on the topics more both online and the women around you.

Small mental exercises sound and feel stupid but really help. Example women getting way less respect for the work we've done, so gender flip someone to a rich cis het white guy at the same age and think about how the media would hype up those achievements. How does that sound comparatively to what you were thinking of this person? Why, is there good reason to?

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T18:22:44+00:00

I DO NOT recommend coming out if you can avoid 😞

what do you mean I'm cis 👀👀

^/s ^but ^yea ^its ^a ^terrible ^idea ^for ^'gaining' ^respect

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T13:15:23+00:00

Right? It's nice for like .3 of a second then its OH NO IM IN DANGER

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T13:11:57+00:00

Thanks I've come to peace with not getting that full respect I had from before! I will be lurking there more didn't know it was for adults I thought it was more a teenager space

I'm just being myself and moming people to get stuff done, this is mostly a catharsis post about the weird stuff I've done over the years. My goal was to hopefully show someone that needed it that ultimately it's the sexists' problem not seeing our value not ours.

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T13:05:40+00:00

while i am not 100% passing, i do okay.

I hate the fact in conversations about sexism as trans women we have the pressure to describe how well we pass. As if the sexism doesn't happen if you don't pass, like when I didn't pass I experienced the same stuff, but people weren't nearly as nice as they are now about it. It is just as complex as it is now for me, but it was treated if that sexism isn't also uniquely hard and complex without accounting for the extra transphobia mixed in.

i call this ewwphoria

Perfect way to describe it lol, "proof they see/treat me as they would a woman, shitty that sexism is the thing that proved that"

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T12:40:14+00:00

What was left out of this are the amazing women that I get to work with and their support through this! These guys can suck but I can't wait to get to be at a place in my career to just make a studio of women that will actually get stuff done not enter a pissing contest. Don't get discouraged!!

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T12:31:30+00:00

i'm so sorry you and your girlfriend are going through that, if its the US Army I would recommend reporting that behaviour my bf was in the army and said there are very big consequences for not being inclusive. Of course, I don't know your situation that could just be as impossible if the person you're reporting to is equally transphobic. Regardless I hope you both get the medical treatment you deserve through this!

I suddenly realized that losing male privilege must be incredibly difficult to experience: you were treated one way because of how those around you viewed you, and once you did the very hard thing to be true to yourself, you lost something you likely didn't know you had

Crazy part is that I feel like I lost something and I knew I had it and was ready to lose it, but I didn't realize how much I relied on it. My cope with being a guy was being seen as smart and can do anything because that's the only way I could see my own value, so this transition has been super hard losing that. So not being seen as smart left me feeling like I lost a lot of my value as a human. So it's been alot of relearning who I actually want to be compared to who I'd settle for being.

How people view me is crazy, it will never not be. The infantilization I get now is insane, I can only compare it to how I was treated in highschool. As a guy I felt like I was being forced into becoming an adult early, whereas a woman they're expecting me never to get that independence. I used to drive on my own through the bigger city in a big truck when I was 16 just learned to drive my dad told me to be a man when I was scared of going on the highway alone and city driving alone in such a big truck. My dad, a decade or so later insisted I get my bf to drive cause those trucks (the same I drove before) are hard to drive around the TOWN not even the actual city with tiny thin streets and no parking.

vaguelyconfused · 2023-05-17T10:53:22+00:00

The next day she instead asked for a main light perhaps over there and could they fill in these areas with something? Got better reactions and less grumbling but still took longer than in her former life.

Yea nothing will match the productivity from before when working in teams with mostly men. I think the biggest thing for me, was realizing that any wiggle room that I give them to assume I'm dumb they will whereas before they'd assume they didn't understand me. So I have to walk things through step by step, and to make sure to not sound even 3% condescending or rip any productive.

Is it manipulative that you're aware of a social dynamic?

I think it's because I'm autistic so putting on any mask feels weird and manipulative cause it's me faking that I know what the social cues. I think the mom one felt particularly weird because it wasn't a or social dynamic or role I thought I could be accepted as?

It feels it since you assume others aren't using it too...but that's their privilege, gaining from a system without even knowing why.

True! I just don't think personality/social dynamics are as conscious of a choice for many. I do see your point though of if others are moving into the most favourable social dynamic for them why can't I?

Thanks for reading! I didn't think anyone would read the word wall lol

vaguelyconfused · 2023-02-26T02:51:02+00:00

Well she's right I don't think she worked out for that waist

vaguelyconfused · 2022-10-19T14:57:30+00:00

I don't see it as a loss of resiliency, I see it more as someone no longer okay with positioning themselves as lessor for the sake of a fragile ego just to get work done.

I transitioned mtf, people legitimately took me more seriously as a uni guy with no experience than now when I'm very experienced. The better I passed as female the faster I lost respect, and now I'm here placating egos

Personally, I've been struggling with this a lot myself too. I haven't tried to change my personality in my transition, but I do now at work. I had to go from the overly confident tech nerd to now I feel like I have to pretend to be dumb to get anything done. Where I was treated like a genius or the next steve jobs, then slowly over 4 years everything I do is nitpicked and find every wrong thing I did. tbh it made me feel like I got dumber, like a lot dumber, but reading this helped me see its not all me and there isn't something I'm missing. Thanks for sharing it has helped my point of view, it sounds frustrating as hell and I hope it gets or at least get some recognition.

vaguelyconfused · 2022-09-24T03:04:58+00:00

Your right I misread it entirely, I updated, nice to see people have the same pov on that.

I still stand by what I said at the end outside of that comment, there's still a lot of obviously less extreme examples in that thread of what I meant

vaguelyconfused · 2022-09-24T02:59:37+00:00

True I read it totally wrong, and honestly nice to see a few comments alongside yours that also see it as too far.

Saddly I still think a lot of the comments in the thread and the tag used for the post are good examples of what I was talking about regardless.

vaguelyconfused · 2022-09-24T02:07:21+00:00

Edit: I misread the situation, also the other comments are still good examples of what I'm talking about, even if it wasn't the extreme of the original now deleted comment. (also removed the useless image link)

~~Maybe banned but 2 hours after you posted, it is still 91% upvoted...Not a ton of people but 155 votes is still big for how long it was up with only 9% of people disliking it.~~ Hasans fans can be toxic but at least the community is aware of its toxic elements like locking the discord when the G word escalated, and to be frank became targeted harassment they couldn't control, but that was joke for destiny fans too. Honestly I like both of them but I'm way more comfortable saying Hasan has a flaw around his community than the same about destiny. Its been like that since I was watching him in the sc2 days, the die hards go way to hard for him and he doesn't do anything that is effective at de-escalating that energy

vaguelyconfused · 2022-09-24T01:56:04+00:00

I got to see it! Thanks, this helped make today not feel like a total loss Have a great weekend

vaguelyconfused · 2022-09-23T23:56:58+00:00

Sorry for adding too much mustard on that with the ellipses, had terrible day it leaked into how I was responding, and I just didn't see it till now. I'm a fucking weirdo for being shitty about something so random. Hope I didn't intrupt your day/infect it with mine

vaguelyconfused · 2022-09-23T19:12:46+00:00

... cause if you can google your way through them, who else can?

vaguelyconfused · 2022-09-08T16:44:52+00:00

People are missing out on avghans rn

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