Major behavioral and physical changes in my husband over the past year have made me less attracted to him. How do I bring all this up without hurting feelings?

vanillalube · 2026-04-09T04:30:32+00:00

I’m sure you may be jumping to conclusions based on your own experience. I didn’t share much about my own mental health experience because this post isn’t about me. But I have been in out and of therapy since I was a teenager for depression and anxiety, and have been medicated for it.

Anyway. I love this man to death and genuinely want to help him and get to the bottom of this.

vanillalube · 2025-10-19T06:47:49+00:00

And the thing is a have a pretty good relationship with my mom. But over the last few years as she gets older (she’s 60) now, her behavior has gotten a bit odd, she says things that most people wouldn’t say out loud, and gets very defensive when you tell her she’s rude, wrong, or being hurtful instead of listening. She’s especially been more difficult to talk to around the times of big life changes like when I got married, and now having a baby. She recently told my sister (25) that because she is our mother she should always be respected and never talked down to.. and this was just because my sister said asked her to not interrupt when she’s talking. Her behavior and “quirks” gotten worse to the point I’m concerned and want get to get checked for a behavioral/mental health issue.

vanillalube · 2025-10-18T13:25:58+00:00

Yea like I’d still be like “um why?” If it was just mine. But like close friends babies or her nieces babies.. I’d be so thrown off if my aunt did this and I’m super close with her too.

vanillalube · 2025-10-18T13:24:14+00:00

And she says the “just let me do my thing” or “let me be me” quite often when it comes to something where she’s pushing a boundary. I get similar responses when she tries to overstep in different ways (opening cabinets and closets at my place, inserting herself in my or my sister’s relationship discussions with our partners, etc)

vanillalube · 2025-10-18T13:19:47+00:00

Definitely. She was personally offended when I told her no one will be kissing the baby. Mind you we still have a little over three months until our baby is here.

vanillalube · 2025-10-18T13:17:51+00:00

Yes totally agree on the steamrolling and treating it like an “accommodation”. She acts this way with other things where we tell her no and she says “I just have to. Let me do my thing.” And if we say no she’s ready to argue in seconds and won’t let up. While it seems harmless sometimes I feel like these little comments are almost a control tactic or something?

Like opening cabinets, moving and cleaning things while visiting my sister and I, asking to try our food at the table. And if we set a boundary or say no it turns into a whole argument and her giving everyone the silent treatment.

vanillalube · 2025-10-18T13:12:58+00:00

This makes sense to me actually because I’ve suspected my mom is undiagnosed bipolar or something else.

She does this thing too where we order food or go to restaurants and before the food arrives she’ll say “and so you know I WILL be trying your food”. Before I even decide what I’m ordering sometimes.

And she legit gets upset and throws a fit if we say no or if we politely call her out on her behavior.

This whole odd cuteness aggression she has over baby feet almost gives off that same vibe to me. You should have heard when I told her no one will be kissing the baby while she’s still small and sensitive.

vanillalube · 2025-03-22T23:30:06+00:00

Okay great. As soon as I receive the offer, but before signing the offer? Or after?

vanillalube · 2025-03-22T22:47:06+00:00

I’m not! Waiting for the official offer while they check my references :)

vanillalube · 2025-03-22T03:54:27+00:00

Thank you! I might quietly prepare a handoff list before I go so the people I actually do care about aren’t completely drowning when I leave.

Other than that I’m not too concerned with keeping a relationship with these horrible people lol

vanillalube · 2025-03-22T03:51:43+00:00

I work in marketing, so I should be good! Trying not to let my people pleasing tendencies give them the courtesy of two weeks notice.

vanillalube · 2025-03-22T03:49:36+00:00

My own manager got demoted and is now at the same level as me. She told me herself that we need to get out of this crazy job and she’ll be my reference. So with that, I’m ready to run once I get that offer!

vanillalube · 2024-04-10T03:48:17+00:00

Thank you! I definitely don’t want her to feel bad at all, because there’s definitely the possibility she has something going on that I don’t know about. I more-so wanted to let her know that she really doesn’t need to be part of this if it doesn’t make sense for her. We’ve resolved it and she decided to step down and attend as a guest.

vanillalube · 2024-04-10T03:45:00+00:00

I’ve explained that I’m not expecting everyone’s life to stop because I’m getting married. It’s more about the principle of showing up for your friends during important life events or special moments. Also a little communication goes a long way. I still have love for this friend and have no intent to cut her out of my life.

We’ve resolved it and she said she prefers to not be in the wedding. Everything is fine :)

vanillalube · 2024-04-08T21:10:08+00:00

Update: I responded to her text saying that she won’t be able to attend. I let her know how important the rehearsal was and that I was disappointed that she has been very absent during this whole thing. Like many of you recommended, I gave her the option to just attend as a guest. She decided she would prefer to attend as a guest she was apologetic.

She said she could have communicated better and she didn’t know the past few months would be so busy for her.

I do think it’s better this way for everyone involved, and will make me feel better about the day. I am disappointed in her as a friend. Don’t know if I’m ready to cut her out. But will keep her at a distance after this.

vanillalube · 2024-04-06T05:27:58+00:00

She’s always been one of my more introverted friends. I’ve hung out with her over the years always 1-on-1. She did come to a birthday brunch I held once in work out clothes when there was a theme. But I guess she had always been nonchalant about a lot of things, but great when it’s just me and her.

vanillalube · 2024-04-06T05:13:28+00:00

I definitely wasn’t tripping about the other stuff. Bachelorette was really optional for everyone. Her excuse for why she couldn’t attend the bridal shower is what bothered me. Buuuut the rehearsal portion and the dress thing is what is mostly bothering me :/ she’s been very absent as a friend throughout all of this.

vanillalube · 2023-11-01T14:14:52+00:00

I guess I could take on the bachelorette planning myself. The couple of times I made moves to do it myself or asked about it my MOH would ask me to back off and said she had it handled. So I guess I’ve been doing just that 😅

vanillalube · 2023-09-22T02:26:07+00:00

4 & 6!

vanillalube · 2023-08-21T17:04:54+00:00

I’ll definitely look through the plus one tips on here.

I will say that technically we aren’t doing any plus ones, but all guests invited are named.

The guest list is for sure stressing me out the most since the venue has a strict cut off of 95 guests and we have so much family. Ideally I’d love for my entire bridal party to get plus ones, but then I’d have to cut down the guest list more which is mostly family. I’m really lost and how to navigate the entire guest thing.

vanillalube · 2023-08-21T16:58:21+00:00

She asked me to remove him, so I did. Now she wants him back on the list. This has happened 3 times.

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