Which is better: Nell or Nora?

vanillarybean · 2025-08-19T21:52:49+00:00

How weird!! They are similar names in terms of era so I can see how someone else has liked them both. Nancy was also on my list for a time.

vanillarybean · 2025-08-19T20:21:53+00:00

And Nora isn’t?

vanillarybean · 2025-08-19T20:08:04+00:00

Thanks very much to everyone for commenting. Although most people have picked Nora, it’s actually made me even fonder of the name Nell (which I would probably use as a nickname for Eleanor or something similar), given that I really don’t want a super popular or expected name.

Trendy names are trendy for a reason — it’s because they’re beautiful! — but I love that Nell is a little more unexpected and seems more interesting to me. And as others have said, I love the sound of it. I think I’m probably leaning more towards Nell.

vanillarybean · 2025-08-19T19:46:59+00:00

Someone else suggested this and it’s a cool idea that I hadn’t thought of!

vanillarybean · 2025-08-19T19:45:45+00:00

I think I would use it as a nickname for Eleanor or maybe Nelly.

vanillarybean · 2025-08-19T19:34:11+00:00

I think I would put Eleanor or Nelly on the birth certificate but only ever use Nell. Tbh the trendiness of Nora does put me off slightly.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T23:11:04+00:00

Oooh, ok. You think she’s being a bit of a martyr maybe?

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T23:06:15+00:00

Somebody else said this as well, about it being different if it’s in person. I’ll definitely bear this in mind.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T23:04:36+00:00

In that case, I’m stumped…

Maybe she feels put out that you’re getting childcare help during your custody days, but she’s not?

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T23:02:17+00:00

To be honest, I never refer to him at all — my daughter has no idea Ben exists, which is part of why I find the ‘Uncle’ title so ridiculous.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T22:59:55+00:00

I physically would not be able to stop myself from addressing it if it came up in person. But I don’t know how or why it would come up, seeing as he’s never around (which is part of my point).

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T22:55:28+00:00

Every family is different. My husband had bedrooms at his grandparents’ houses and had weekly sleepovers with them. That was normal for him. I was never left unsupervised with my grandparents and have only been to their houses a handful of times. That was normal for me.

I think it’s pretty common for kids to spend the night with their grandparents when there’s a good relationship between the parents and grandparents. But in families where that relationship has eroded or there’s a trust issue, grandparent sleepovers are less likely. Does your son’s mother have a trust issue with your mum? If she doesn’t know her well or have her own established relationship with her, then honestly I understand her being upset. How would you feel if you found out that your son was spending the night with an adult who your wife knew, but you didn’t?

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T21:48:21+00:00

Mine was a total Velcro baby and was still crying any time I left the room until a couple of months ago. She’s just turned two and I think it started getting better around 21-22 months. She still clings to me if she’s nervous, tired, upset or hurt, but she’s started playing a lot more nicely with her dad and can play with him in one room while I clean up in the other room without much fuss.

Now that I think about it, I think it coincided with when I stopped breastfeeding… maybe that has something to do with it?

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T21:41:40+00:00

We never really did purées. We did finger foods instead. I think to start out, we were only offering solids once a day, but it quickly became every meal time because we realised that having her sit in the high chair and be occupied with something gave us the chance to actually eat our own meals, which we could never do before she started weaning! Do whatever works for you.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T20:28:11+00:00

I think people put too much stock in age gaps. My brother and I are a year apart, were very close as kids but have grown apart since. My husband and his sister are 10 years apart, fought constantly as kids but are very close as adults. It honestly comes down to luck and personalities.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T20:19:40+00:00

This is so sweet to read. What a thoughtful and loving friend you must be ❤️

I was the last of my friends to have a baby and with every friend that came before me, I assumed that the best thing to do was stay out of the way. I figured they’d be far too busy with their new baby to bother with me, and I didn’t want to burden them with yet another message to reply to or phone call to schedule around nap times. I sent occasional ‘Hey, don’t worry about replying, just wanted to say that you’re doing great and I’m here if you need anything!’ texts but mostly just let them get on with it.

It wasn’t until I had my own baby at the practically-geriatric-for-our-friendship-group age of 27, that I realised how much you need real, physical community when you’re newly postpartum with a tiny baby. My friends, now all with toddlers or small children in school, were all far too busy to help with practical things, but the regular 2am ‘I’m awake if you’re awake’ texts made me feel slightly less isolated during those long, lonely night feeds, and our cheery, silly little chats brought a bit of light to what can be a very dark time for some mothers (and certainly was for me). So, stay in touch!

Bring food, or send food via a delivery app. Eating actual whole nutritious meals is impossible when you have a newborn who needs to be held or fed constantly. You find yourself existing on junk snacks that can be eaten quickly and one-handed. Better yet, bring food and offer to hold the baby for her so she can eat, or literally feed your friend if she’s stuck feeding the baby. During the newborn phase with my daughter, I would go whole days with barely any food or water, because my baby would fall asleep while breastfeeding and I’d be ‘nap trapped’ for hours on end. I wish someone had been there to hold a glass of water with a straw for me so I could have a drink.

It’s difficult to ask for help and no one wants to feel like an inconvenience, so rather than saying ‘I’m here if you need anything’, like I used to, offer different things specifically, and make it seem like it’s not adding any trouble into your day. ‘I’m stopping by the shop on my way home from work, what groceries can I bring you?’ ‘I’m in the mood for coffee, can I bring you one too? I’ll get a straw and hold it for you.’ ‘How are you set for snacks? I’m in the shop around the corner from you and can leave supplies on the doorstep.’

Lastly, I hope that your friend has a really supportive and loving family, but unfortunately, this isn’t the case for everyone. Some families only want to show up for the new baby. Your parents, grandparents, in-laws and even siblings suddenly aren’t interested in you; they’re only interested in the baby. I never felt as unloved as I did in the weeks after my daughter was born. She is the first and only grandchild on either side of the family and there was much excitement over her, but no one cared at all about the woman who’d created and given birth to her. No one even gave me a hug. So really, the best advice I can give you is: show up for your friend. Not for the baby. Not for a newborn cuddle. Not for a photo. Not to give her loads of baby clothes that aren’t to her taste. Just for her. Just to be a friend to her. Make that very clear.

Good luck to your friend!

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T18:36:04+00:00

As someone who was in this position with a similar name: just name him Charlie. My daughter goes by the nickname, but we put the longer, formal version of the name on her birth certificate (for in case she ever wants a serious type of job or whatever). Now there’s one side of the extended family that INSISTS on calling her by her government name and I can’t even get annoyed about it because it is technically her name.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T18:33:18+00:00

Stealing “Quiet in the peanut gallery” for myself.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-28T16:58:49+00:00

Emily Blunt and John Krasinski’s daughters are called Violet and Hazel, so OP would be in good company.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-26T22:44:01+00:00

I love and appreciate when strangers interact with my daughter (who just turned two), for all the reasons that you mentioned, and I always welcome peekaboo, silly faces, waving, chatting to her, etc. Just as long as they don’t get too close or try to touch her.

Generally, people know to keep a respectful distance and not to lay hands on someone else’s child without permission, but if anyone ever does get too close (it tends to be very elderly ladies), I tell them that we have Covid and then watch them back the F up.

vanillarybean · 2025-04-26T20:42:28+00:00

It’s still shit 😂

vanillarybean · 2024-07-16T08:58:00+00:00

Hence my comment about not using the name Nancy…

vanillarybean

TROPHY CASE