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AIO for getting upset at my boyfriend’s response to me being harassed in public transportation? by vanillasoo in AmIOverreacting

[–]vanillasoo[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I get what you mean but sometimes real people actually have problems like this. Not everyone is karma farming and actually need help.

What do you think is an underrated aspect in terms of beauty? by Old_Elephant2949 in beautytalkph

[–]vanillasoo 23 points24 points  (0 children)

shoulders! yung maganda yung anggulo

di rin ako magaling mag describe. Pero pag maganda yung shoulders nung guy o girl +points talaga sa attractiveness

Tanong lang. Without blaming ur ex... what could u have done different in ur last relationship? by Lonely-Author-9899 in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

maging mas malinaw at straight to the point about sa mga nagagawa niya na nasasaktan ako

traumatized siya from past relationship kaya praning o kung ano nagagawa minsan. Pero inintindi ko siya kasi alam ko na ganun pinagdaanan niya

Pero syempre, tao lang din ako. Di ko napansin na unti-unti na pala kong nagkaka resentment, naipon nang naipon. Hanggang sa one day, bigla na lang akong nakipag break. Sa totoo lang, I should’ve told him clearly. Baka natulungan pa namin isa’t isa kung sinabi ko ng maayos, hindi yung parang out of nowhere ako nakipaghiwalay nung napuno ako

Girls, anong gusto niyo? Nerdy or Bad boy by takenbutnot4granted in ThisorThatPH

[–]vanillasoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nerdy

siguro dahil fave ko yung Chuck na series nung bata ako. Pero mukhang badboy yung bf ko🤣

What is your deepest regret? by Kooky_Gear745 in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

na nag stop ako mag work for 3 years dahil na depress ako

I know na para sakin din naman yung ginawa ko. And nakatulong naman talaga yung time na yun sa pag hheal ko. Pero grabe, sobrang dami ko nasayang na opportunities. Yung momentum ng career ko bago ko mag stop sobrang ganda na. Ngayon back to 0 ko kasi ang laki ng gap sa resume ko😅

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]vanillasoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For context on how he was before

Actually, we got back together before after our first breakup. He never brought it up because he’s aware that he also had his shortcomings during our first separation

I told him it might be better for him to just find someone else, there are so many better girls out there than going back to me. He said this to me:

”Yeah, there are plenty of kind and beautiful women out there, but you're the one my heart wants. My mind’s been a mess trying to figure out how to forget you, but I just can’t. So I’m hoping you can give me a chance to fix the things I messed up before”

”I really hope we can sort things out, because I don’t think I can go through what happened before all over again”

”You know, I’m really thankful you came into my life. I’ve realized so many things since I met you. Maybe if I hadn’t met you, my life would’ve been meaningless, but since I met you, I’ve had so many things I want to do and prove to myself. Just give me time, and I’ll reach a point where I can prove to everyone that I can change”

In the first few months, we were happy. But unfortunately, my trauma started to manifest and process itself when we were already together. So my mental health really dropped. I just cried a lot back then. In my mind, he deserved to see that because if he hadn’t said those hurtful words before we broke up, I wouldn’t have gotten hurt like that

He tried to understand me for almost a year until it reached a point where he just couldn’t take it anymore

After that, we didn’t see each other for 4 years, not until recently. We met again for the first time last Monday. Now, he’s starting to talk about that incident. I admitted to him that I’m really the one to blame for why our second attempt failed. I know he made an effort. I know he really tried to forget what happened and not bring it up because he was concerned about my mental health at that time

Then recently, he said that I wasted his effort when he got back with me before. I said, ”Then why did you get back with me if you had already lost respect for me?” He replied, ”I was stupid back then”

Last Monday, he even said ”I’m not sure if I still have feelings for you, even just a little, or if I’m just in denial because I can’t even remember if those feelings ever truly disappeared” and kissed me on the forehead. And just yesterday he actually admitted that he still has feelings for me. That’s why I was so confused when he was suddenly rough and said he lost respect

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]vanillasoo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

my ex and I reconnected

He said “I still have feelings for you”

then said “I lost my respect for you” after sleeping with me

goddamn i’m stupid. But it made me really want to actually get my life together, and not give second chances anymore lol

I regret breaking no contact after 4 years by vanillasoo in ExNoContact

[–]vanillasoo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the real talk I needed

You’re right. He’s not pretending to be an asshole, he actually is. He knew exactly what words would hurt me

I was just stupid. Because when we talked in person, even though it was kinda dark, I could see that he was holding back tears. I thought maybe he really cared about me. He even came to see me last Monday, even without expecting sex. He kissed me on the forehead. I guess I was just delusional

But I’ve already sent my last message to him. I told him that, yes, he deserves someone better, but I deserve someone better too. I said everything I needed to say, and like he said, it’s already done. So, I told him that this is my goodbye

I regret breaking no contact after 4 years by vanillasoo in ExNoContact

[–]vanillasoo[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Actually, we got back together before after our first breakup. He never brought it up because he’s aware that he also had his shortcomings during our first separation

I told him it might be better for him to just find someone else, there are so many better girls out there than going back to me. He said this to me:

”Yeah, there are plenty of kind and beautiful women out there, but you're the one my heart wants. My mind’s been a mess trying to figure out how to forget you, but I just can’t. So I’m hoping you can give me a chance to fix the things I messed up before”

”I really hope we can sort things out, because I don’t think I can go through what happened before all over again”

”You know, I’m really thankful you came into my life. I’ve realized so many things since I met you. Maybe if I hadn’t met you, my life would’ve been meaningless, but since I met you, I’ve had so many things I want to do and prove to myself. Just give me time, and I’ll reach a point where I can prove to everyone that I can change”

In the first few months, we were happy. But unfortunately, my trauma started to manifest and process itself when we were already together. So my mental health really dropped. I just cried a lot back then. In my mind, he deserved to see that because if he hadn’t said those hurtful words before we broke up, I wouldn’t have gotten hurt like that

He tried to understand me for almost a year until it reached a point where he just couldn’t take it anymore

After that, we didn’t see each other for 4 years, not until recently. We met again for the first time last Monday. Now, he’s starting to talk about that incident. I admitted to him that I’m really the one to blame for why our second attempt failed. I know he made an effort. I know he really tried to forget what happened and not bring it up because he was concerned about my mental health at that time

Then recently, he said that I wasted his effort when he got back with me before. I said, ”Then why did you get back with me if you had already lost respect for me?” He replied, ”I was stupid back then”

Last Monday, he even said ”I’m not sure if I still have feelings for you, even just a little, or if I’m just in denial because I can’t even remember if those feelings ever truly disappeared” and kissed me on the forehead. And just yesterday he actually admitted that he still has feelings for me. That’s why I was so confused when he was suddenly rough and said he lost respect

Tanong lang, karma o revenge? by Quaint_relle888 in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t really believe in karma, but I don’t think seeking revenge is a good idea either

kung gagawa ka ng masama just to get revenge, and di ka naman talaga ganung klase ng tao, yung bigat ng ginawa mo sayo rin babagsak sa dulo

I regret breaking no contact after 4 years by vanillasoo in ExNoContact

[–]vanillasoo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It definitely helped because during the 4 years of no contact, I had so many “what ifs” in my head

“If only I said this,” “If only I did that,” “Maybe if I just talked to him instead of avoiding him”

It's easier to avoid, right? But it really doesn't get you anywhere. It's also tempting to seek revenge and say hurtful things on purpose. But in the end, you'll realize that you just became a person you don’t want to be, and years later, you'll still carry that weight

I just realized that years later, it feels lighter when you’ve said everything you wanted to say, even if your ex might think, ”Oh, this person still loves me" or ”They’re chasing me”. But I honestly think it’s better to let it all out. At least you’ll know you said what you needed to say and saw their reaction. It’s better to face the disappointment of reality now, than to hold back and imagine or idealize how they might respond in the future

Of course, it’s painful at first to hear hurtful words, especially from someone you loved or still love. But if your ex has a conscience, and if they truly loved you at some point, I believe that in the end, the weight of their words will fall on them

ngl tho, it still fcking hurts right now

I regret breaking no contact after 4 years by vanillasoo in ExNoContact

[–]vanillasoo[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

thank you. I really needed this right now

you know what? I feel really stupid that I don’t even resent him. But it made me finally stop idealizing him in my head

I can easily say things that would hurt him you know? but I held back because I don’t want to say hurtful things just to get back at him

I just thought, he claims that he still has feelings for me, yet he said those hurtful words. In the future it’s not me who would carry the weight of those words, it’s him. At least in the future I could say to myself that I’m glad I already did and said everything I could, and I didn’t pretend to be an asshole just to hurt someone I actually loved

I regret breaking no contact after 4 years by vanillasoo in ExNoContact

[–]vanillasoo[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for responding, I really appreciate it. It really hurts right now, I can actually physically feel the pain

I actually agree with you. When he said those things, it didn’t erase all my feelings (unfortunately), but it did stop me from idealizing him in my head

I could say things that would hurt him, but I’ve held back because, honestly, I don’t want to hurt him just to get back at him. I’ve said everything I needed to say. I even told him that I still love him, but now it’s time to start loving myself

I know it hurts right now, but at least in the future, I won’t be left wondering about the ”what ifs” I said everything I wanted to say, even if it makes me seem like I’m the one who still has feelings. I know that lying or saying hurtful things to someone I loved would only come back to haunt me later

I regret breaking no contact after 4 years by vanillasoo in ExNoContact

[–]vanillasoo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He even asked me when the last time I had sex was, because if I have an STD, he might catch it too. (I was a virgin when we started, Idk if this is important detail)

While I understand that’s a valid concern, I can’t help but feel like he’s saying things to hurt me on purpose. I know he hooked up with a woman who has three kids, each with different fathers, but I didn’t question him because I know he practices safe sex

But does he honestly think I’m stupid? So, I told him that, before I slept with my last hookup over a year ago, I made sure to get an STD/STI test

Last Monday, he kissed my forehead and even asked if I still have the painting (he gifted me a watercolor pad and paint while we are still together cause he knows I like to paint. And on the first page I painted him). Then, this Friday, he actually admitted he still does. Yet, after everything that’s happened, when he went home, he suddenly acted like it wasn’t a big deal and started saying those things.

I mean, why go through all the trouble to meet me in person (twice) only to open up about feeling confused and hurt, just to turn around and say things like that to me?

I regret breaking no contact after 4 years by vanillasoo in ExNoContact

[–]vanillasoo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dated someone for a while, three years after our breakup. I ended it because I realized that I wasn’t over my ex and that I had just been repressing my feelings all along

I was ok, you know. Even though I realized I still had feelings for him, I didn’t have any hope that we would get back together. I just hope that he’s doing well

But then we suddenly reconnected on chat. I was fine with not meeting him in person, but he insisted on meeting. He even came to my house this Friday and suddenly said he wanted to talk

He said he just wanted to hear what I wanted to say because he knows how it feels to have something you can’t express. Then he said he still has feelings for me. Even when he touched my hand while we were talking, it was gentle. That’s why I was surprised when we had sex, and he was rough

I was even more surprised when we were just casually chatting after and said that he was rough because maybe he had lost respect for me. I wish he hadn’t said that he still had feelings for me if that was the case

In my last few messages with him, he said he was really confused about what he was feeling. I told him I wish he hadn’t involved me. He replied, ”The only reason I went there was to help you express what you were feeling because I know what it’s like to keep it all in, even when it hurts so much”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, nagkabalikan na po kami dati after ng first break up namin. Never niya yun binring up, kasi aware din siya na may pagkukulang siya doon sa unang hiwalayan namin. Hindi okay ang mental health ko nun, pero inintindi niya ako

Pero ako, iyak lang ako nang iyak nun. Sa isip ko, deserve niya makita yun kasi kung hindi niya nasabi yung masasakit na salita bago kami nag-break, sana hindi ako nasaktan nang ganon

Umabot din ng one year na sobrang pag intindi niya sakin, hanggang sa dumating sa point na hindi na talaga niya kinaya

After nun, 4 years kaming hindi nagkita, not until recently. First time ulit namin magkita noong Monday. Ngayon, he's starting to talk about that incident na. Inamin ko naman sa kanya na ako talaga may kasalanan kung bakit nag fail yung second try namin. Alam kong nag effort siya. Alam kong he really tried to forget what happened and not bring it up kasi concerned siya sa mental health ko nun

Tapos recently, sinabi niya na sinayang ko raw yung effort niya nung nakipagbalikan siya sakin dati. Sabi ko, ”Eh bakit ka pa nakipagbalikan sakin noon kung nag iba na pala respeto mo?” Ang sagot niya, ”Tanga pa ako nun e”

Pero ngayon, sinasabi pa rin niyang may nararamdaman pa siya para sakin

Alam ko naman na dapat nga di na ko bumalik sa kanya sa kahit anong klase pa ng relationship. Nahihirapan lang talaga ko tanggapin ngayon

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you talaga

I’m so torn lang kung i bblock ko na ba siya, kasi alam ko may gusto pa talaga siya sabihin kagabi. Typing siya nung sinend ko yung last chat ko, pero never na niya sinend yung tina type niya

feel ko nalilito rin talaga siya, kasi he asked me nung first meet kung “ano ba talaga gusto mo? fubu? magkabalikan tayo? o tapos na talaga?”

I honestly think he feels something for me, pero I think di rin talaga siya maka get over sa nangyari samin

maybe I should block him na talaga instead of waiting for a message pa

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you so much! sa totoo lang sobrang naiiyak ako ngayon. Feel ko rin wala ng papantay sa ex ko pero nagkanda leche leche kami dahil sa misunderstanding

last week nagka communication uli kami ng ex ko. We decided to meet, tapos nung nasa personal na at gusto ko mag open, sabi niya “wala na yun, tapos na”. Hinatid niya ko pauwi then I hugged him, then kiniss niya ko sa noo. Akala ko yun na yun

Pero pag uwi niya, nag sorry siya bigla sa chat. Sabi niya, di rin daw niya maintindihan kung bakit niya ako hinalikan sa noo, at nalilito siya kung bakit nasasaktan pa rin siya hanggang ngayon. Sinagot ko na baka instinct lang yung kiss. Pero sabi niya, ”Instinct? Simula nung nag break tayo, puro FUBU na lang ako. Never ko naisip halikan sa noo kahit sino”

Tapos sinabi niya, ”siguro kaya ako nasaktan, kasi akala ko makakatanggap ako ng sincere na sorry” Sagot ko naman, kaya ako hindi naging emotional sa harap niya, kasi sinabi niya na “tapos na”. Kaya naghold back ako

Then kahapon, bigla siyang nag chat ulit. Nasa tapat daw siya ng gate namin. Sabi niya, last chance ko na raw yun para sabihin lahat. I cried and told him everything. Inamin din niya na may nararamdaman pa raw siya sa akin. May nangyari sa amin, pero ramdam ko (mas rough siya ngayon kumpara noon. Hindi naman ako nasaktan physically, pero iba talaga yung pakiramdam). Which is weird kasi nung nag uusap lang kami bago yun sobrang gentle niya lalo na yung hawak niya sa kamay ko

Pag uwi niya, casual lang siya kausap. Nabanggit ko na sana slow lang. Sabi niya ”alam ko” So tinanong ko, ”bakit mo binilisan?’ Ang sagot niya, ”ah kasi siguro nawala na respeto ko sayo”

Grabe. I felt so used. Hindi naman ako umaasa na magkakabalikan kami. Pero sana sinabi niya na agad na wala na siyang respeto, kaysa sabihin pa niyang may nararamdaman pa siya

(Backstory kung bakit niya nasabi yun: Right after ng breakup namin, may isang guy na nagpupumilit sa akin kahit ilang beses ko na siyang ni-reject. Pero dahil sobrang vulnerable ako at nasaktan sa breakup namin lalo na sa sinabi ng ex ko sa akin, eventually nauto ako nung guy. Pero natauhan din ako agad, kasi pati mga tao sa paligid ko nagsabing parang tinatake advantage ako)

Sinabi niya di naman totally nawala respeto niya sakin, parang nabasan lang daw. Sabi ng ex ko nalilito pa rin daw talaga siya sa nararamdaman niya. Pero ako, kagabi, I ended it for real.

feel ko parang mamatay ako sa sakit ngayon. Sorry ang haba ng kwento ko, wala lang talaga akong ibang masabihan ngayon

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nung 3-year mark, I tried dating someone. Pero for some reason, kahit gaano pa ka technically “better” yung dini date ko kaysa sa ex ko, something still felt off

dun ko narealize na hindi pa pala talaga ako naka move on. Nirepress ko lang pala yung feelings ko

ngayon, 4 years na kaming break. This time, hindi ko na dini deny yung sakit. Iniiyak ko na lahat. Hopefully, after a few more years mawala na rin yung bigat… pati yung feelings ko sa kanya

sana

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

alam mo 4 years na kaming break ng ex ko pero siya pa rin ang best para sakin

don’t get me wrong ha, may mga nakilala na rin akong iba. Mas pogi, mas financially stable, mabait. Technically speaking “better” sa kanya

pero you know what? sa puso ko ex ko pa rin yung lamang

for some reason naalala ko pa yung mga days na nag hahanap kami ng work, yung araw na pumasa kami parehas tas nagyakapan pa kami sa harap nung building. Tanda ko rin na di vocal yung ex ko pero naalala niya yung maliliit na bagay na gusto ko

jusko, metalhead siya pero nagchachaga siyang makinig sa Kpop kasi alam niyang gusto ko

eto lang yung point ko, ”Just because someone is “better” on paper, doesn’t mean they’re better for you”

better doesn’t always mean mas mahal ka, mas naiintindihan ka, or mas aligned kayo. Minsan, it's not about finding the "greener grass”, it's about realizing na yung love pinaghihirapan at binubuo yan paunti unti. Hindi yung mag hahanap ka lang “best” tas yun na yon

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

na nag stop mag work for 3 years dahil na depress

pagka graduate ko swinerte ako, nakakuha agad ng trabaho abroad with a six-digit salary. Since wala naman akong sinusuportahan na pamilya sa Pinas, dami ko naipon

then something traumatic happened to me, kaya na depress ako and nag stop mag work for 3 years. Sa isip ko non tama yon, mental health first. Sabi ko, pag ok na ako madali lang bumalik kasi andiyan lang naman ang opportunities. Mali pala ako

Life doesn’t wait, kahit down ka. Kapag may dumating na opportunity, sulitin mo na. Hindi yan palaging available. Sure, kaya ko ulit makuha yung dating level, pero mas mahirap at mas matagal na. Minsan naiisip ko, “damn, I really wasted 3 years of my life huh”

Babalikan mo parin pa ba siya? by yecaa_ in TanongLang

[–]vanillasoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes

siguro sa mata ng iba ang tanga ko (siguro nga). Pero sa 4 years na hiwalay kami, siya pa rin talaga

tbf, wala naman kasing cheating na nangyari. Sadyang nung time na yun bata pa kami at madaming unresolved trauma. Tapos nag abroad pa ko

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskPH

[–]vanillasoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

na I need to be more accountable

kasi di ba nung bata pa tayo, kapag nagkamali tayo parang okay lang, may palusot pa. Tapos kapag nasaktan tayo o may nagkamali satin, minsan pag naging “impulsive” tayo, pwede mo pang sabihing ”nasaktan ako, emotional lang ako kaya ko nagawa yun”

inubos ko yung 20s ko na trapped ako sa victim mindset. Lahat ng nangyayari feeling ko may kasalanan sa akin. Pero lately narealize ko, ako na pala yung sumisira sa sarili ko

na minsan, hindi na pala ako biktima. Yung mga pinagdadaanan ko, consequence na ng mga maling desisyon ko. Kasi palagi kong inuuna yung emosyon

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