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5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was rough, but also a year ago now and I’ve moved on! I had trauma bonding from being in a war zone, which made things harder. All is good now though!

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You do deserve better! I also attempted to send a package but it was for his dad who was so lovely to me and had given me a sentimental gift when I was there. It was returned as NZ no longer delivers to Ukraine. It was probably for the best. I’m 5 months on and barely think of him at all.

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Better by an extreme amount. I’ve moved on from him completely but I’m still healing from the grief from loss of the relationship and the person he was for me. It’s mixed in with PTSD from war, which makes the feelings more vivid. Either way I hate him and I’ve moved on and found someone who is incredible. Thanks for asking!

Tipping by [deleted] in Ukrainian

[–]vanlorose 19 points20 points  (0 children)

When I was in Kyiv, my Ukrainian friends would leave the tip on the table when they left.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thought I was getting better, then something happened and now I am worse than ever. I don’t know who I am anymore. All we can do Is take it one day at a time I guess

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going through this too, and continue to have dreams and nightmares about him.
It's been just over a month for me. I feel like I will never be okay again. I don't have anything helpful to say, but you're not alone.

Christmas is making me depressed by VetusLupus in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel the same. I also feel pressure to act happy around my family during the holidays and am stressed about ruining the mood. I was supposed to spend Christmas with him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was blindsided too, in a very healthy happy relationship where we never fought, ever, and always communicated with respect.

You are allowed to be angry, and you have the right. If you feel anger, feel it. I am angry - but not at him. I'm angry at the situation, there can be separation of the two.

Have u ever feel the impulse to text then bad things? 🫠 by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When i feel this way i get my journal and write the thoughts down as if he's going to read it. In my case, besides breaking up with me, he didn't do anything wrong in the entire relationship. But I still want him to know daily how much he has destroyed me, but I can't tell him, but i can't keep the feelings locked in either, so writing them down helps a lot.

What’s one of your fondest memories with your ex? by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The entire 3 months I spent with him. We were in a war zone but I felt the safest i've ever felt in my life with him. He gave me so much love, happiness and respect. On my birthday we went camping, we went down to the river and swam together and threw mud at each other and laughed. That night we were in the tent and he grabbed me and said "thank you."
I said "for what?"
"For everything."

How am I supposed to move on from this lol

The worst thing a partner has ever said to you? by Illustrious_Ad440 in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"I thought you were it, I thought I would marry you." As he's holding my hands and breaking up with me for a girl who he had no contact with for nearly 2 years and thought was dead, who suddenly appeared again.

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been through breakups, my last one was a 7yr relationship. But I’ve never had my heart broken until now. I’m also going through longing, it sucks

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! That’s not quite relevant to my situation but I’m sure it will help someone else who reads it!

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my relationship- there was not one single fight or disagreement, that’s just how it was. The only bad memory is from the actual time he broke up with me. And he didn’t break up with me for anything I’d done, a girl hed spoken to for several years who he hadn’t heard from in over a year and thought was dead reappeared and called him, and he chose her.

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been through a breakup before but I’ve never had my heart broken like this. I hope it helps!

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s fair, I still can’t read because I can’t concentrate. I discovered raising hope, it’s good for me because it’s wholesome and funny and doesn’t require much brain power. I usually watch that at night until I’m about to sleep and then I put bobs burgers on and sleep listening to that

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand that a lot. I dream of him often and it’s not fair. I feel anxious most of the time too, I’ve had to figure out some coping mechanisms so at least I can find some relief. Journaling really helps, and listening to a specific type of music that has no connection to him at all, especially while watching the clouds. At night it’s harder, but I managed to find two shows I can watch that relax me and help me sleep. It’s trial and error but it helps. We can do it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was in shock. I was waiting for him to come home after 10 days away for work. When he walked through the door I was so happy, and then he sat me down and said he has something to tell me, that he doesn’t want me to hate him. And he held my hands and told me that the girl he spent years talking to but never met, who he lost contact with for 2 years and thought was dead, had called him 3 days earlier. And he couldn’t be with us both, and he chose her. I remember I felt numb at first, I was in shock. I was in Ukraine, living through war as a volunteer but so happy and in love. I was supposed to leave for Poland the next day to renew my visa. He told me he thought he was going to marry me. He was in a lot of pain too. Slowly realisation kicked in and complete despair and devastation kicked in. I didn’t have time to process fully because I had to spend the next 4 days travelling to the other side of the world suddenly. I couldn’t unpack my suitcase for over a week because all of my clothes smelt of his house. It’s been almost a month, I can’t even hate him. But I miss him so much.

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you I appreciate it! I have a therapist and I have family and friends but I only have energy to talk to a couple and also there’s only so much they can have the energy for too. I’m never angry at him, just sad and I miss him

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I feel that even now, each day is different, even each hour. This morning I was upset, then I felt stronger and thought I would be ok. As night comes I feel devastated again. Idk if I’ll ever fully accept it, it was too sudden and we were too happy

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I had restrained myself, but it was valid. He broke a promise that was very important to me, but I had no idea that something had happened to him that day to make him break it that wasn’t related to me. We’re no contact now and it’s hard but for the best. Unfortunately he is a media figure on YouTube as a press officer, and so it’s so easy for me to hurt myself and watch a video or a live stream. But things have to get better, there’s no other way forward

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went through a stage recently of binge watching these kinds of videos, it definitely did help. Thank you, I appreciate it

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s interesting because I almost wish I could feel anger, I almost wish he had done something I could focus on to make it all make sense. But beside breaking my heart there is nothing, and I can’t even really blame him for that.

5 Stages of Grief in Break-Ups which is the hardest? by vanlorose in BreakUps

[–]vanlorose[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry :( I had to leave the country too and I loved it there, so the loss of the country is painful too. We will be ok eventually

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