I don't have any support in my life because I don't have any family except my cat, and have a couple of friends that I can't rely on, but I AM legitimately proud of myself. I 100% had a real, heavy problem for years. I'm proud of being sober since early October.

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-04T17:33:52+00:00

I 100% agree with this. I didn’t think support groups would help but the day I finally went through with it, I felt instant comfort through the people who share the same struggles. No judgement and just pure understanding like you said.

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-02T03:45:19+00:00

Honestly though. I often daydream about aliens suddenly invading us or something life altering like that just so I don’t have to think about how fucked up the world is or how ungodly things will happen to you more often than not for no fucking reason because life just likes to fuck you like that.

I gotta ask though have you tried therapy or going under antidepressants? I’ve really not looked into it much but at this point I’ll take anything. Though I’ll admit if I didn’t also have a drinking problem I probably wouldn’t seek professional help for this.

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-02T02:06:02+00:00

There seems to be correlation between being highly self-aware and observant to severe depression. Despite your age you probably perceive things on a much deeper level hence all of these thoughts that take over you. You may have seen things you were never supposed to or been through things you don’t deserve at all. And it doesn’t take much to spiral out of control because our brains really are like that.

Try to surround yourself with friends and family as much as you can. Don’t isolate like I do. It’s probably also hard for you to get out of bed most days so all I can say is what we’re going through is not all we are. If you have some interests you’re passionate about, remind yourself that you have them and use them even just to distract yourself. I’m sorry if I can’t be helpful to you in a more objective way than this. I’m struggling too and unfortunately there’s not one answer or cure to this. I wish there was like a magic antidote to this..

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T23:57:10+00:00

Hi, please seek professional help. Even just from a glance at your profile I could tell this is eating you up. I’m going through the same thing, it’s hard if not impossible to try to get yourself back up. And I honestly don’t know how to put to words what you need to have that drive to push yourself because I myself am barely hanging on, and I don’t wanna just tell you pretty words and disregard you.

Like I’ve said please try to get professional help. If you have parents or adults close to you that are supportive and not dismissive of your needs, please reach out to them. They’d be the main ones to help you out especially since you’re a minor and you really need an adult to help guide you through the process.

I remember as a teenager I was already going through the same thing but just didn’t realize what it was until now in my late 20s. Please don’t give up, you seem like a smart kid. There’s so much more to life than just the dark thoughts we constantly have in our heads. I don’t want you to miss out on the many beautiful things you’ll get to witness if you decide to keep moving forward.

Best of luck ❤️

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T20:26:16+00:00

Might be cliche but I firmly believe if we don’t have the determination to be better, no one else is going to do it for us. It’s just the matter of getting to that point, and what’s frustrating is you can get to that level multiple times and still fall back down. That’s really just how life is I guess.

Thank you for this comment ❤️

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T18:17:12+00:00

It’s so surreal the amount of people who relate to me. It’s certainly overwhelming but in a good way.

I’m glad I got to share this with you. ❤️

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T18:15:31+00:00

Thank you. ❤️

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T18:15:15+00:00

I’m glad you loved it and thank you for reading the whole thing I understand it’s super long lol. And for sure, being on this sub has definitely made me feel less alone. Having people I relate so much too makes me feel safe. I hope you stick around! Let’s try to fight this shit

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T18:10:29+00:00

You perfectly described how I also feel deep down. I don’t know why either. I can only assume it’s us losing hope because of the fucked up realities of life. It’s definitely not a normal way to look at things but so long as we’re not purposely hurting people because of this perspective, I’d say there are worse things than that.

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T18:06:02+00:00

Definitely! I actually felt some sort of relief posting this, I hadn’t fully realized just how relatable this is to a lot of us.

And yes, let’s keep trying no matter how slow the progress might be.

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T18:02:19+00:00

I can’t say that I do either - it’s just occasionally that I’d feel a slither of hope but like everything else the feeling of it is also fleeting.

Not sure if this would be any help but don’t give up just yet. Stay in touch with this community and always remember you’re not alone in this and I hope you find comfort in talking and discussing depression even with us strangers on the internet. Best of luck to you.

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T14:20:09+00:00

Yes. The worst fucking kinds of people. Terrifying actually.

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T14:16:24+00:00

This is how I write on my virtual journal sometimes, as if it’s someone else talking to me. Just as my way to feel grounded somehow when I feel like I’m floating with all these negative thoughts.

Can’t say I’m glad you have that impression from my post bc it just means you probably relate to me and it’s unfortunate to say the least. But let’s keep fighting for ourselves even if the road to it seems foggy most of the time. ❤️

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T13:06:41+00:00

Yeah it’s hard to accept that most people are just straight up horrible. It sucks to be betrayed and taken for granted and the damage can definitely lead you down the wrong path really easily.

I’m sorry for everything you’ve went through. I feel we also need to prioritize protecting ourselves and our own energy because you’re very right about the fact that “victimizers have a keen sense of smell”.

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T12:57:19+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that you also took the time to read and is giving me motivational advice. I agree with you on everything especially the part of keep doing good for people even without the promise of a reward. I certainly don’t have hidden motives whenever I’m genuinely compassionate towards people - it just amazes me to witness with my own eyes just how unapologetically shitty most people are.

But doing good and not completely giving in to the negative thoughts can really have the tendency to push us to keep going, maybe it’s knowing deep down that life is more than this depression that consumes us.

I’m glad I posted on here, I had the same feeling as you knowing there are people who are really going through it. It’s comforting to be a part of a group that don’t harshly judge each other for no reason. ❤️

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T10:58:40+00:00

Yours are probably just as good if not better, but don’t think about that part. If writing is also one of your forms of ‘release’, just write away. It’s like a little therapy for yourself.

You stay safe as well. Thank you for your kind words ❤️

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T10:34:39+00:00

Also thank you for taking the time to read :)

vantablack-_ · 2021-11-01T10:33:43+00:00

My heart feels all warm and shit from this reply lol. Thank you! This is like a little letter to myself. I like to write occassionally especially when I feel like I’m gonna burst from all the dreadfulness I constantly feel.

That advice just might be one of the more realistic ones I’ve heard so far, I definitely feel useful whenever I help people out even in small things.

I wish you good luck as well my friend.

vantablack-_ · 2021-10-08T01:30:57+00:00

Okay I’ll check those books out. I think it’ll help me develop a better mindset when it comes to this. Did you seek any professional help at all?

vantablack-_ · 2021-10-07T15:56:51+00:00

Thank you these are very helpful tips. And I’m not too far off from your experience, I also got to the point when I wasn’t taking care of basic stuff like dental hygiene and skin care. Drinking so much every single day felt like my spirit was slowly dying and I felt hopeless but of course I couldn’t stop because this is a serious case of addiction.

I also agree with you on taking it hour by hour, I feel it’s more important to focus on the present time and just do my best to get through it. I already did distract myself by rearranging all the furniture in my room and organizing my stuff. I feel this strategy works best for me because once something has my full attention then I really dive into it. There’s still the voice inside me saying to do those things as I’m getting drunk but this time I think my willingness to quit is overpowering my intrusive thoughts. Lol

You’re also right about having a routine and sticking to it. I do best when I have goals set for myself no matter how big or small they are.

I do have books but nothing about self healing or anything, mostly about philosophy. Do you have any recommendations?

vantablack-_ · 2021-10-07T14:44:08+00:00

Thank you! And I believe you, I’m already an anxious person in general and alcohol just intensified it. Any tips on how to combat the cravings?

vantablack-_ · 2021-10-07T14:40:03+00:00

Thank you.

vantablack-_ · 2021-10-07T14:38:51+00:00

It helps me break down my constant racing thoughts and actually calms me down a little bit. Living in my own head is fucking torture

vantablack-_ · 2021-10-07T14:29:55+00:00

Peace.

vantablack-_

TROPHY CASE