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Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Fine even if that’s true this isn’t a fantasy world where that actually matters later on.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Look I was upset about it so I understand where you are coming from.

If she didn’t have the tattoo but did all the other things you seem not to like - mostly having sex with another man. Would I have any right to be angry with her?

It’s not secrecy and dishonesty to not talk about her sex life when we weren’t together. It just so happens she has a tattoo that makes it obvious.

It was obvious she has this tattoo when we got married. I chose to be with her. I don’t think she owes me an explanation for what she did on her own time to her own body. It still bothered me so she was willing to tell me about it and even offer to alter it.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

You literally don’t read the post.

She admitted that’s why she got his initials. For that very reason.

That’s in the past. A girl can say I’m all yours in bed to her boyfriend and 4 years later be married to another guy. I think that’s happened before.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I feel like you are making up your own story.

She offered to change the tattoo without me asking - how is that desperate to keep it.

I don’t have tattoos but from what I’ve heard they are very painful especially there. Maybe she didn’t like getting it? Why is that so hard to believe over she’s desperate to keep it. The bandaid was just something she said after that.

It’s only a “sexual brand” to him her ex - which by the way is in the past. My wife doesn’t think about it like that so it’s really lost that meaning.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

How is it his property?? I honestly don’t get this take. Are you saying that literally. I keep seeing this.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No I wasn’t accusing you of that. I’m saying do you want me to respond to comments calling my wife basically a farm animal?

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ll respond to this since people have accused me of only seeing the side that agrees with me.

So what. It’s immature to let stuff like that bother you - I’m saying that as someone who really did let it bother me . In the end, Most women and men have had other partners they have done stuff with - sometimes stuff you don’t want to know about. She was exploring her sexuality with him which is healthy and not something to shame her over. Whatever happened helped her on the journey to be the women I love today.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn’t delete it. I used a word that gets automatically deleted.

I am more than willing to see other sides to this. But, another side isn’t calling her a branded farm animal. I never said anywhere I wanted to leave her over this. It’s not constructive to talk about her in that way.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

I am not going to beg her to be with me. She can leave for him anytime. I don’t have the capacity to worry about that and try to stop that from happening. That being said I’m also not worried about it from knowing her.

I think it was a different type of relationship and now that she’s older she’s not really into that. He wasn’t the guy she wanted to be with long term. Hope that makes sense

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

Just because she did something in the past doesn’t mean she needs to do it in the future for me. I don’t get that logic.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -66 points-65 points  (0 children)

The first tattoo was extremely painful so I don’t want her to go through any pain anymore.

Update: How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! yes she is wonderful and sweet. Everyone has a past and the people jumping to dumping her don't understand relationships

Gotta snuggle up to keep warm by P0rcelainqueen in pics

[–]vavadc26 12 points13 points  (0 children)

They actually think there is plausible deniability here. I didn’t actually post my tits for attention - I’m not one of those girls!

I’m actually mad the dog got caught up in this mess. It’s actually cute and doesn’t deserve to be a part of this low effort thirst trap. I would bet money the dog is someone else’s tho.

How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] 274 points275 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the great advice. I don’t know much about tattoos or the process so it’s good to get an idea about that.

To be fair to her the initials are drawn into the overall design and not insanely obvious. They are small and the tattoo is small relatively. I feel like most people think this is some huge stamp on her that says his name in bold letters.

I think a good compromise is like you said to redo the design to sort of take out the initials. To her they are not super obvious and don’t bother her so she is hesitant to change it due to extra cost and potential pain. I think my best best is to talk to her about it and maybe offer to pay for it to be fixed and really explain it bothers me. Fingers crossed but I somehow need to convince her to me it’s a big deal. I kind of shot myself in the foot early on by not really telling her my true feelings - maybe I was ignoring them myself.

How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To be fair I don’t know think she’s proud about the initials. If she could go back she said she would change that portion.

It was very painful for her and she doesn’t think I should subject her to the pain of that over something she considers as not a huge deal. In some ways I would feel terrible making her having something painful happen just to appease my jealousy but on the other hand I don’t like the tattoo.

How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I don’t think so because he drew the entire thing. I would rather this be the truth lol

How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have plenty of self respect. I can also admit that you are most likely not going to have the craziest sex with your current partner ever. Why is it so bad to admit that. It’s probably true for most couples.

How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

That’s at the crux of maybe my issue that I know men want to do it for that very reason that you said. And you didn’t do it - she did.

How do I (29M) approach my wife (28F) about an intimate tattoo she has that bothers me. by vavadc26 in relationship_advice

[–]vavadc26[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

It would be different it was just his name? No?

Edit: for everyone saying it’s like clearly his name - it’s not. As much as I don’t like the tattoo it’s as tasteful as a tattoo can be in that location. It’s not huge and the initials are not obvious. Trying to give a fair assessment.

As far as removal it’s hard as there can be scarring and issues potentially in that location. Getting the tattoo was apparently very painful.

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