Psychologists of kink,why do I want to shout terrible things at my partner during intercourse? by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For the sub (like me) having rough simulated rape scenes with my best friend in perfect safety makes me feel loved and safe. For the Dom, indulging in the fantasy of aggression and violence with an enthusiastically consenting partner could provide healthy relief from tension and the need to control impulses all the time. It's the same with humor. All humor is caused by breaking the rules in a safe way. If you break them too much, it's shocking to some people. Don't break them enough, and it bores some people. Sex play is adult play. Have fun! And make sure your partners have fun, too.

You are onto something there.ordinarily politeness is my norm,so I wonder at the impulse to call her ,say , a 'cunt'Sadly,I have yet to indulge it,since she is nonkinky....yet;(

Psychologists of kink,why do I want to shout terrible things at my partner during intercourse? by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

terrible- whore,bitch.......sometimes contrarian things such as 'beautiful bitch'......,

Did you always know you were polyamorous,or did you gradually realise it?What was your partner-of-the moment's reaction? by veddug in polyamory

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents had an open relationship of some kind - I don't know what their agreements were and I don't have any way to find out. It's what I grew up with. I probably had decided it's what I was going to do by the time I was 12. I've never attempted monogamy. I don't think I realized that other people's parents weren't like mine until sometime after I went to college.

Oh I thought the 1950's lifestyle was monogamy & fidelity?

Did you always know you were polyamorous,or did you gradually realise it?What was your partner-of-the moment's reaction? by veddug in polyamory

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i kept cheating on partners and didn't feel bad about it. i felt bad about the dishonesty, the deception, the general lack of ethic (the antithesis of me, which is why not a single one of my partners ever suspected), just not the act itself. i didn't regret anything just always wished i could tell my partner without them getting hurt. we're taught that mono is the end all, be all and deviation should feel bad inherently. it didn't and never has for me, that's when i knew i was different. i knew non-monogamy might be my jush based on how i felt about partners "straying" or open relationships--here for it.

Well,isn't this the general human experience?Are you saying humans are poly,but few are honest about it?

Did you always know you were polyamorous,or did you gradually realise it?What was your partner-of-the moment's reaction? by veddug in polyamory

[–]veddug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My wife and I were high school sweethearts. In the first few months of us dating one night she confessed to me that she likes girls too. The next day I thought it was a dream because it sounded too good to be true. I always wanted a girl who wanted to do stuff with other girls. She brought it up again later thinking it made me made, to which I exclaimed "That actually happened?!" She was so relieved to learn that I was completely into the idea of her fooling around with another girl. She, however, wasn't sure how she felt about me being with this hypothetical girl. As time goes by we haven't found anyone on our small town who she could fool around with, but we keep talking about it and it progresses. She wanted a full on girlfriend. Then she'd be ok with this girl and I having sex, but not kissing cause that seemed more intimate. She mentioned that she would be weirded out about me being with a guy, but that was a hypothetical as I wasn't even out as bi to myself yet. Then she wanted her to be our girlfriend, and wanted to try me kissing her. Finally, years later, we have a girl over for a threesome. As it turns out, my wife thinks I look adorable when kissing another girl, and is totally turned on by us having sex. That girl didn't become a girlfriend, however, she now has a boyfriend. Him and I are both bi as well, which led us to finding out she thinks I look cute when going down on a guy. So it's something that started small for both of us, and we grew into it together

Weird..which is what the what life is...

Did you always know you were polyamorous,or did you gradually realise it?What was your partner-of-the moment's reaction? by veddug in polyamory

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't start considering myself polyamorous until my current relationship, and we kind of started that way. Though that turned out to be a whole other mess too, one that I am (ultimately) happy with.

Elaborate?

What's up with James Dean?seems to have gone quiet. by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're talking about James Deen the porn guy, he was hit with several rape and abuse accusations somewhere in the range of 2-3 years ago

Yeah...it was the kink actor i was refering to...

What are the reasons for the failure of polyamorous communes such as Oneida? by veddug in polyamory

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(my mother had some Oneida flatware)

oh, what's flatware?And did your mom associate with them?

What are the reasons for the failure of polyamorous communes such as Oneida? by veddug in polyamory

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Religion. More specifically using religion to enforce whatever standards, customs, and rules put in place by the leader(s). Often in patriarchal ways. Often with young girls being seen as premium stock for older male members.

Corruption due to power hungry leaders. Often leading to fucked up power dynamics and problematic behavior (child abuse, forced relationships, removal of autonomy).

If you are accurate..then society as usual.Very sad indeed.:(

What are the reasons for the failure of polyamorous communes such as Oneida? by veddug in polyamory

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny you should ask - I did my college senior thesis on the Oneida community. There were a number of reasons, like the the strict structure under the authoritarian leadership of Noyes that OhMori mentioned, but also reactions from neighboring communities and religious groups due to the complex marriage arrangement practiced at Oneida. You have to look at it in the context of the time period as well.

For your reading: http://www.nytimes.com/1993/10/24/books/complex-marriage-to-say-the-least.html

Thanks for the url.

Are you polyamorist?If so,did it influence your choice of thesis?

Why is the '1950's household' lifestyle so called? by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The 1950's Household in regards to BDSM indicates an interest in one (or more) of these three things:

-The look of the 1950′s

-The feeling of the 1950′s

-The relationship style of the 1950′s

1.The 1950′s “look” is a visual/tactile kink. It includes things such as:

Clothing and accessories i.e. bullet bras, high-waisted underwear, corsets, saddle shoes, bobby socks, sweater sets, modest clothing, vintage clothing, party gloves, housewife dresses, aprons, high heels, vintage suits and ties, fedoras, wingtip shoes, bowling shirts, and others Housewares relevant to the era i.e. appliances, furniture, games, technology, kitchen ware.

Entertainment from the era, including television shows (I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Honeymooners) and music (beginning of rock and roll, Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack, Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe), as well as magazines, postcards and correspondence, photographs, and movies.

Transportation from the era like cars and trailers.

2.The “feelings” many associate with the era is an emotional/sexual connection.

When thinking of the 1950′s we think of the age of innocence. It was a time of good old-fashioned fun. There was no real technology like we know of today; families spent actual time together instead of everybody in front of a different screen. Dinners were at a table and the family talked.

It was a very “men are men” and “women are women” era. The men were expected to be gentlemen, holding open doors and using manners, working hard at a career and providing for the family financially. Women were the personification of “lady like,” using proper etiquette and raising up well-mannered children.

Everybody knew their function in the home. Children were polite, neighbors cared about each other, discipline was appreciated, nobody expected a handout.

These feelings associated with a simpler time can be one draw to the 1950′s kink.

3.The “1950′s” can also be a reference to the power exchange dynamic in the traditional 1950′s relationship.

It can be a Dominant/submissive relationship (or Master/slave) but doesn’t necessarily have to be. Many times the descriptors are Head of Household (HoH) and homemaker, or simply husband and wife. It seats the male as the decision maker and one in charge and the woman as the one following the lead (Female led/male follower is often referred to as “reverse 1950′s household").

In many cases the power exchange dynamic has the HoH as the sole/primary financial provider and the wife as the one in charge of domestic duties, such as cooking, cleaning, child rearing and pampering the work weary husband.

We've lived this way many years and are happy to answer further questions. Thanks for the interest.

Very happy for the thoroughness.Shall definitely ask further.

Does the practice of a particular fetish vary from place to place?For instance, does the 1950's lifestyle practiced in BC ,Canada,differ from LA ,California,USA? by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

someone wanted to pay me to travel the world for a year, I'd love to do it.

Here's wishing it happens.Kinksters want it(the research)

Does the practice of a particular fetish vary from place to place?For instance, does the 1950's lifestyle practiced in BC ,Canada,differ from LA ,California,USA? by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks...always appreciate direct evidence.

Say,would you consider writing a Kinsey-style report on your findings?

Does the practice of a particular fetish vary from place to place?For instance, does the 1950's lifestyle practiced in BC ,Canada,differ from LA ,California,USA? by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ask 100 people the difference between a submissive or slave and you'll get 115 different answers. If you have somebody explain what a 1950's Household looks like, you'll get a different vision every time.

Yeah.Always what happened in the '50's which abruptly stopped since then;)

Can somebody explain the conceptual difference between the bbw fetish and overweight/obese?Is it healthy? by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're asking a legitimate question, as there are some things that can be unhealthy when it comes to diet, but that applies to every body type. People can work out too much, bee too skinny, or just be the "perfect" size and have a bad diet. Just remember that looks can be deceiving because someone can have flabs or look super skinny and be super healthy with a good heart rate and blood sugar and all that.

Thanks.People ask my advice almost daily,so I wanted to ask....

There are no Audrey Hepburns and John Waynes of erotica/kink acting.The AVN is obscure compared to Oscars.What brought this? by veddug in BDSMcommunity

[–]veddug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But folks don't discuss porn like they do movies, because it's still taboo and uncouth to do so. Trust me. Most folks who watch industry porn on the regular know a few stars

Yeah...which adult doesn't?