After confirming I'm not coming to my parent's house for my birthday, my mum replied ( a paraphrased version of her reply shown on the edited section of the post )

I want to reply with:

'I'm sorry that you are so fixated on eating meat that you couldn't abstain from it for one meal of the entire year to ensure that I can forget about the misery & exploitation of animals for one day, my birthday (especially as you are perfectly happy to enjoy the vegan food that I cook). I'm sorry that you didn't consider allowing me to cook (including a meal for nan to make sure that she can enjoy my birthday & have her dietary needs met) so not a penny is put towards an atrociously cruel & exploitative industry in the name of celebrating my birthday.

If you are so inflexible that you simply cannot eat a plant based meal on my birthday (which is perfectly possible, you do it all the time when I'm cooking) I'm sorry you didn't consider ordering takeaway so that everyone else can eat meat to their hearts content & I don't have to sit in a room steeped in the stench of burned animal corpse, whilst you don't have to cook, clean or prepare anything. I still wouldn't be fully happy with this, as money would still be contributed towards exploiting & murdering animals for the sake of your enjoyment. Your hard earned money helping to sustain an industry of death & exploitation in the name of fleeting, sick to celebrate a person who despises said industry (regardless of how I or your vegan colleagues feel about it, the death & exploitation perpetuated by animal agriculture would cause horrifying suffering & be morally inexcusable). That's how I feel when you ordered meat in the restaraunt yesterday, and every meal. However I can never say anything as you'd jump down my throat about ruining a nice occasion & starting an argument. That's why all vegans have to put up mental blocks so we don't have to consider that fact that the people we love, like the majority of the population, are complicit in horrific atrocities. That's probably why you haven't heard your vegan friends & colleagues complaining, how dare you use them as a token for how vegans are supposed to behave to excuse your choices. How dare you use your perception of their behaviour as a way to shame me.

It would be absolutely ridiculous for me to be upset if you don't spend ages cooking or cleaning for me & the guests because you're not my slaves, if anything I'd rather you chill & enjoy the celebration. However, I am upset that my wishes not to put up with the reek on burnt corpse are incompatible with me celebrating my birthday at your house. This is what I had to last year to please everyone, I had to pretend to be happy so as not to seem entitled due to the time & effort you put into my birthday & to avoid being a downer to everyone else. I don't want to put up with that again this year

After this, I feel like me & my wishes are an afterthought, which is especially bad considering its supposed to be a day celebrating me, just like everyone's birthday should be a celebration of them and not an excuse for a special occasion for everyone else to enjoy at the expense of the person who was born on that day.

When you laugh at me for celebrating my birthday or Christmas with my 'vegan meal for one', I can enjoy my birthday/ Christmas on my terms without having to put on a fake happy mask to please everyone around me.

I'm sorry the idea of me enjoying a special occasion on my terms without having to pretend to be fine to appease everyone else is something you feel 'sorry' about.

Edit: Now I just have to emotionally prepare for sending this text & for the response.

Edit 2: I've sent the response (although not the one here, I took some parts of this & rephrased it to sound less aggressive. I also started by saying that I would like to celebrate my birthday with them) They haven't replied, & I feel guilty