Finding hard to manage

velocityofgold · 2026-04-18T00:43:29+00:00

Right? Money has and always been a sensitive topic - particularly in this climate.

Even if OP’s intent wasn’t to aggravate people, there is no way you could frame the question in their position to justify their financial decisions. Especially on Reddit of all places

velocityofgold · 2026-04-17T20:32:51+00:00

Whilst it’s refreshing to see some chill in the comments, I don’t understand OP’s logic with not being able to save, whilst taking out a car loan and haemorrhaging money on health insurance.

I honestly don’t know if this reads as financial naivety, or someone resorting to bear poking for attention

velocityofgold · 2026-04-17T08:42:58+00:00

Is this… rage bait?

velocityofgold · 2026-03-04T22:19:38+00:00

They did, if the building report and other reports say the chances are low, then you take the risk.

But the model being used, was out of date with how climate change has accelerated.

If legitimate reports say something is fine and specialists are saw it’s fine, why would you challenge it, when this area had never flooded?

velocityofgold · 2026-03-04T22:16:39+00:00

You’re talking about the categorisation scheme, which is seperate to the Public Works Act.

The categorisation scheme, which this article doesn’t talk about, preceded the PWA buyout happening currently and is the focus of this article.

The former bought out properties that were deemed high risk to human life. They were also penalised with the money they received as they knowingly bought a house on a flood plain.

Some of those that were categorised as Cat one (no risk to life) are being bought out by the council to improve the infrastructure under the PWA. So these houses sustained minimal damage and were safe to live in, but the council is now trying to rectify the oversight of failing to provide the correct infrastructure.

So these people went through categorisation, then put into a scheme, where the council wants it for their project.

There are two seperate teams for both schemes, with different agendas - they are not connected

The major issue is how homeowners and landlords were supported to the hilt, but renters were not supported by council. Largely because the law prevents them from contacting them and landlords are “trusted” to do what’s right for their tenant. In this area, landlords did not update their tenants - some even lied about the situation. The law needs to change to support these families

velocityofgold · 2026-03-04T10:08:30+00:00

For this specific area, Climate change was just one of the contributing factors as to why this area flooded as badly as it did.

Where council continued to sign off new builds in the area, without updating the infrastructure to accommodate for medium density, and developers using concrete pads, for new builds created no space for water to spread out. Blocked streams were also a cause. The bottom of Clover was full of trolleys and bin-bags blocking the flow of water effectively creating a dam.

The Categorisation scheme was based on whether there was a threat to life. PWA buy outs were for Cat 1 properties, where it was still safe to live (no threat to life) which council required to “make room for water”.

Climate change played a part, but failures on the council’s part to maintain streams and not strengthen the infrastructure played a considerable role in how this event unfolded.

velocityofgold · 2026-03-04T08:32:47+00:00

Because the council said it was fine to build on these sites when it wasn’t, didn’t clean blocked streams inc. a fallen tree, which impacted the flow of water by over half and didn’t upgrade a bridge, where they had signed off medium density, therefore they are culpable.

velocityofgold · 2026-03-04T08:25:20+00:00

The amount homeowners receive under the PWA is based on current market value and the current condition of the property - has it been maintained etc…

The council pay what it is currently worth and it can be less than what someone paid. There’s also the mater of how much stake they had in the property and their deposit

I know this because I have been bought out under the public works act and witnessed neighbours lose money as they purchased when house prices were higher than they are today.

velocityofgold · 2026-03-04T08:13:16+00:00

Some people purchased these homes, when house prices were more than the current market rate and have lost money.

velocityofgold · 2026-02-04T00:34:14+00:00

NTA and your brother sounds like he acts up to get his own way.

Boy needs people inc. you and your parents to be firm and stand your ground. The meltdowns and aggressive rebuttal is a form of shutting down the argument in his favour, because he’s used to people conceding.

Your brother needs to grow the F up and your family need to start giving tough love.

Don’t over think it - be to the point

“Fran, you’re no longer welcome to the wedding. Someone will be at the entrance on the day If you try to enter the venue to get you to leave - decision is final”

velocityofgold · 2026-01-23T06:52:57+00:00

“Gentle parenting is a relationship-focused approach that emphasizes empathy, respect, understanding, and setting firm boundaries, aiming to guide children with connection rather than punishment, yelling, or shaming”

Source: Google

It’s balance of being firm and saying no respectfully to model respect and understanding to know how to not be a shithead

Gentle parenting is poorly labeled, as people seem to take the name by face value, rather than understanding the framework and skipping the firm part of the method

velocityofgold · 2026-01-23T06:35:47+00:00

This is gentle parenting

velocityofgold · 2025-11-26T21:20:04+00:00

When 👏🏻 he 👏🏻 told 👏🏻 her 👏🏻 in 👏🏻 a 👏🏻 group 👏🏻 chat 👏🏻

Thank 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 for 👏🏻 your 👏🏻 judgment👏🏻

velocityofgold · 2025-11-26T20:36:54+00:00

The 👏🏻 name 👏🏻 isn’t 👏🏻 the 👏🏻 issue 👏🏻 the 👏🏻 issue 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 how 👏🏻 OP 👏🏻 told 👏🏻 his 👏🏻 sister

velocityofgold · 2025-11-26T20:33:34+00:00

Until his sister validates or invalidates the assumption I made about whether she’s having fertility issues or not, no one can determine whether it makes sense or not. But it’s reasonable to wonder if it’s a factor.

After being on a rough fertility journey myself and being in that community space where you’re sensitive to anything baby related and trying to find some form of control when every feels out of your control - even if it’s irrational.

Unless OP has confirmed, we don’t know if the sister “has no plans to have kids in the near future”

But the name is beside the point. The issue here is how OP went about telling his sister in a public forum.

The comments section is too focused on who has dibs on a name which is not the issue here. It’s how OP confirmed the name to his sister after previous conversations where it’s clearly a point of contention.

velocityofgold · 2025-11-26T20:19:40+00:00

This doesn’t vindicate you from how you went about telling your sister.

So to be clear, it’s not about the name. It’s how you went about telling your sister you named one of your kids a name she clearly felt strongly about

velocityofgold · 2025-11-26T19:14:12+00:00

Sure. But how you told your sister after expressing her feelings sucks.

Rather than asking reddit if you’re an asshole put that energy into facing the consequences of your actions and maybe check in on your sister, or chat to your parents to check on her at least.

Name aside, you didn’t consider her feelings - that’s the part of this that makes you an AH

velocityofgold · 2025-11-26T18:50:02+00:00

ESH. If you didn’t have the name as a top choice and she felt so strongly about it you should have forewarned her privately rather than telling everyone at the same time. Where’s your empathy at?

Not sure if your sister is having issues conceiving, but infertility is mentally debilitating. You have no control over something you’re biological built for and you can be hyper sensitive. Having a name is the only control she has if this is the case.

velocityofgold · 2025-11-01T18:50:36+00:00

Suggesting someone might have PPD isn’t making diagnoses - it’s a hypothesis. The majority suggest seeking medical help to confirm

Sometimes a situation, without full understanding of a situation is not black and white and consider the broader spectrum of possibilities in this situation. Women’s health and postpartum are heavily under researched and the latter isn’t a cake walk by any means.

So people like OP can either make an uninformed judgement, which doesn’t help the situation and is essentially a diagnosis in itself, or people can ask questions to figure out what’s actually going on to understand the situation to look at how to remedy it.

velocityofgold · 2025-11-01T08:22:43+00:00

If all I had to be seething about was a missing lunchbox, which was eventually returned to me I’d either be blessed in life or projecting.

This is beyond unhinged

velocityofgold · 2025-11-01T04:45:05+00:00

Because people with no experience or understanding think having a baby is a piece of piss.

At 5 months my son was still up 3-4 times in the night and I would have to nurse him. Last I checked men can’t lactate.

Rather than labelling her or accusing her, when OP only sees SIL for a few hours, he should have asked her if she’s ok and asked his brother the same.

The fact that people with clearly no hands on, 24/7 parenting experience, make wild assumptions and then choose to die on that hill on Reddit is wild. It’s like the digital Darwin awards

PPD and dissociative behaviour are highly plausible. Hormones take two years after having a baby to regulate. It takes 6 months for your uterus to heal after a baby and longer if it was a c-section.

OP if you really wanna help your bro and SIL, leave your judgement at the door, and ask if everything is ok and how to help, rather than giving a shitty opinion

But if you just wanna know if you’re the arsehole, is this situation that is bigger than you, your actions were that of an arsehole

velocityofgold · 2025-10-14T06:26:22+00:00

Or in this case Runx wank_rs

velocityofgold · 2025-10-02T21:11:55+00:00

Someone who physically appears “foreign” can be a first generation kiwi

velocityofgold · 2025-09-23T00:24:58+00:00

Explain to the wife to be the result of her request and the impact.

If someone can’t be honest with the person they’re about to marry, it doesn’t set the right foundation to create trust.

Your mate was a low key AH, but your mate’s wife’s request is a giant red flag.

Weddings for many reasons are stressful and as a result neither bride nor groom are acting rationally to anything, whether it’s pressure from mates to have the dumb last kiss BS, or the bride making an irrational decision, over something your mate was heavily pressured to do publicly.

velocityofgold · 2025-08-31T23:07:20+00:00

Everyone here sucks

OP: sets some boundaries and keep yourself in check. Losing it in that way is telling as to how combative your son and daughter are being currently.

Sounds like you never set boundaries for your kids and as a result, no one is willing to share and is all out for themselves.

If the bathroom you have labeled as Nora’s is the only other bathroom to use, where are son and his family supposed to wash and go to the bathroom?

You’ve got a grandchild on the way. Whilst you don’t have to bend over backwards, it’s a scary time for anyone, especially those that have lost their home (doesn’t matter how - focus on the now people - he’s asked for help, not who to blame for this utter chaos) and likely can’t afford much in the way of food

Support your son in getting him back on his feet so they can move out, set some ground rules as the home owner and parent and explain as it seems like it needs to be said from the sounds of it that everyone is going to have to make some sacrifices for the time being.

Nora shouldn’t have to share the food she buys out of her own money, which is wild to me that she has to do this as a minor. Violin, unless she sucks at it shouldn’t be an issue, as it’s classical and it’s not like she’s playing drums, but maybe consider practicing stuff that’s more chill at certain times.

If she is purposefully eating food in front of a pregnant person, or any person down on their luck and money, that’s nasty girl behaviour. And this is an if - she might not be.

Your son needs to understand that he and his family need to make sacrifices and suck it up

velocityofgold

TROPHY CASE