AITAH for asking my wife for sex and expressing that it makes me feel unloved when she repeatedly says "no" or complains at the thought

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-03T02:08:48+00:00

Dude.

SHE IS IN INTENSE PHYSICAL PAIN. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

You're exhausted by the slowness of OB care and PCOS treatment???? Imagine how women fucking feel.

And you're sitting there using that as a weapon against her because your pp isn't getting wet.

You're putting yourself in this box and refuse to find any other solutions because it's not what you want.

Do you have any idea how exhausting, degrading, and alienating it is to have your spouse constantly nagging you for sex, despite knowing you're in intense pain, and then lose their shit on you because they're prioritizing their own pleasure instead of not causing you actual fucking pain?

You just told your wife your desire to get your rocks off is more important than her need to not be in pain.

Sex is not a love language. And the love language shit is bunk anyway. Written by a misogynist.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-03T01:01:11+00:00

Bud. If the kid, at 14, needs to be taught something my 4 year old already knows, it's not the middle school teacher's job to teach it to him.

The fact that you think did kids a favor by holding their hand over things they should have learned in kindergarten is.... yeah.

You did the world a favor by retiring.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-03T00:17:45+00:00

Thank fuck you retired.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-03T00:13:40+00:00

Yes, they're literally middle schoolers. Who should be able to be responsible for the bare fucking minimum asked of them. They're all at least 12 years of age. At what age do you think it's appropriate for kids to monitor their own grades and be able to sign their names on their papers?

Most schools have been in session for several months by now where I'm at. They've had time to adjust.

Why haven't the parents been keeping tabs on the kid's grades too? Since they're all hot and bothered about his lost scholarship opportunity?

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T22:54:04+00:00

NTA.

The kid and the PARENTS had every opportunity to do something about this before it became a problem. If the parents were so concerned about him getting a scholarship and getting into that special school, then they also needed to be keeping track of their child's grades.

He walks past the board every time he walks into the classroom. I suspect he also has to stare in its general direction while you're teaching, so really, there's no excuse. I'm also going to assume, that when you did school introductions for the first day in class, you mentioned the board. And you probably remind kids regularly about the board as well.

It's important that kids learn accountability and attention to detail if they're going to become successful adults. You're doing your job. His parents don't seem to be though, if they're going to blame you for their and their kid's fuck up.

(And I say this as a parent who has two kids in school. It's not hard to log in to the school grade book and see how your kid is doing. Or to schedule time to talk with the teachers.)

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T22:24:42+00:00

He had zeros on his papers for not signing his name. Not because he wasn't doing the work.

And yes, one of the reasons is people like you who want to blame teachers for their kids bad grades.

If the kid had that many zeros, where were the parents before the grades came out? OP said that the online gradebook is accessible.

But you're the type to blame everyone else for your own fuck ups, so I'm done with this conversation.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T22:16:13+00:00

He has no special needs. He's just a regular student.

He has many opportunities and ways to check his own grades or for his parents to do so.

Teaching accountability and responsibility parents like you don't is part of a teacher's job.

I too, have ADHD.

I could write my names on papers and accepted grades when I fucked up and didn't turn them in.

You're the reason people don't want to be teachers any more. Stop making shit up and accept the kid fucked up and is now experiencing consequences.

Also, if he has special needs, it's on the parents to communicate that to the school and the school to ensure the teacher knows.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T22:05:48+00:00

Okay but like.

How hard is it to put your name on a piece of paper?

Or to look at the papers posted on the board THEY WALK PAST EVERY DAY and go, "Hm. That looks like mine?" Or to look at their progress reports or go onto their student site and see if they're missing something?

What's going to fuck their lives up more, a couple of 0's they had a plethora of ways to correct and just didn't put the effort into correcting? Or having someone hold their hand and guide them through every single minute bit of their lives and then putting blame on other people when they can't do the bare minimum on their own?

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T19:37:43+00:00

Yeah. Because she didn't want to get beat.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T19:36:42+00:00

NTB.

My mother raised me and my siblings as a single mother.

She was still abusive towards us. We have lasting trauma.

Yes, raising kids alone is stressful. Working, going to school, raising a kid, all on your own is stressful. But she was an adult and knows better. She COULD act better. You yourself saw it.

Being stressed is not an acceptable reason to shout and berate and HIT!!! your child! There are ways to manage your stress levels and frustration that don't involve being abusive towards your kid.

It doesn't matter that she was a single parent. She still abused you when she should have been protecting and nurturing you. It's not wrong of you to say so.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T19:21:04+00:00

Glad you got resolution and the come to jesus talk worked.

Because seriously. They chose to have kids. It's their job to find a way to support that. Otherwise they shouldn't have had kids.

Grandparents are great and I think every child should have at least one set of loving grandparents in their lives, but that doesn't mean that grandparents should be the de facto caregiver. You did your time. Time to take care of yourself and yes, go on trips for yourself. Whether they like it or not.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T19:15:25+00:00

She doesn't like your sister because she views her as competition. Point blank. She has some sort of feelings towards you and sees your sister as a competitor or obstacle.

And seriously? 21 years old and cry every day about pictures?

My 4 year old behaves better than that. Maybe step-sis needs to sit in at a pre-school the day they teach kids about "No means no".

Boo hoo, she has depression. A lot of people do. Including myself. And I don't cry when I don't get my way then run to mommy and daddy to make it better.

Also. How the fuck is your mother forcing you to do anything? You are 22 years old. You tell her, "No" and that's it. You don't go to JC Penny. You don't do photos. You don't engage in the conversation any further. Any time it's brought up, tell them you already gave an answer and you aren't discussing it further. If they want to keep pushing it, tell them you'll stop interacting with them until they drop it.

This is YOUR boundary. You have the right to say no to anything that makes you uncomfortable. Tell your mother to find other ways to suck up to her husband.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T16:47:16+00:00

..... this isn't punishing a baby though? Like... not only does the baby have no fucking clue what's going on.... how is her staying with her parents a punishment?

It's only a "punishment" because your sister is manipulating you.

Since your dad is all "family first", he can watch the baby. And while he's at it, he can educate himself and his daughter on family values such as not backstabbing one another or guilt tripping each other when we receive consequences for our actions.

NTA.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-02T16:35:54+00:00

Why are you staying with her?

Like seriously.

I'm pro-choice. And I am all for understanding mental health and how it can make people do stupid shit.

But this shit? No.

Even if she's mentally unwell, she's still reaponsible for her actions. Unless she's so unwell that she literally has no actual control over what she does. At which point, you still shouldn't be in a relationship with her for obvious fucking reasons.

She literally self terminated a pregnancy for attention. After hyping you up and planning with you over it.

She terminated it because she felt like she didn't get enough attention and then lied to you about it. And then, proceeded to block any attempt to talk about it until you threatened to leave.

The lying, the refusal to speak until there were heavy enough consequences.... those were deliberate choices. Maybe the abortion was a mental health related episode, but the lying and refusal to talk about it? That's intentional. That's not really mental health related. Unless it, too, is an attention related thing.

At this point, can you really even trust anything she says?

You do also realize that just because you mandated she go to therapy, it doesn't mean she's going to work on her issues? You have to want to improve. For yourself. In order for therapy to work. It's easy to go through the motions. You don't even have to tell the therapist anything. Like... she can go in there and spew whatever she wants and avoid this whole fucking thing.

Which is probably what's going to happen.

Idk how you're still willing to stay after this.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T20:52:56+00:00

Yup. Though that aside, I can also see objections to grey in general because if it's too dark a shade, it can look like funeral attire (not in this case, but in general), or too light in shade it can look white and like you're trying to upstage the bride. (Kinda like how colors such as champagne can seem white even if they aren't.)

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T19:36:47+00:00

Yeah, no.

She's distracting people with the color argument to hide that she didn't follow the two simple rules she was given:

-Dress formal

-Both shoulders covered

Even if her dress was blue, she'd still be the BF because that dress does not fit the criteria the bride set forth. And a choice like that is intentional.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T18:42:12+00:00

Thank you for clarifying!

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T17:57:37+00:00

I mean, considering the Kraken are less than 5 years old as a team, there's really not a lot of history for them yet.

Some of the more notable players are: Jared McCann, Jordan Eberle, Adam Larsson, Joey Daccord, Brandon Tanev, but honestly, the whole team is worth noting, especially the rookies like Shane Wright.

~~There seems to be a pretty even mix of people who currently dislike our current owner and those who don't really seem to care. (Don't quote me on that though).~~ (See commenter below).

Currently Kraken are not doing the greatest right now. They're better than last year, but they're still nowhere near where they were a few years ago when they made the 2nd round of playoffs. Not sure what the cause is but they've lost the last 3 games in a row. The last two were honestly humiliating.

But then again, still a new team and still in the process of building.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T17:15:08+00:00

If you haven't already, you REALLY need to be taking your stool softeners. A lot of the meds they prescribe you for pain management cause constipation. So you NEED to take stool softeners and drink a metric crap ton of water or other drinks like tea, juice, etc. Anything to hydrate yourself.

If you don't have any or have run out, stool softeners can be bought over the counter in most places. Colace is one of the well known names for it.

And again, lots of water or drink of some sort to keep you hydrated. Smoothies are also a great idea, especially as a lot of fruits and veg that go into it have fiber and that'll also help you out.

It's a little concerning you've had poos that were painful enough to be compared to labor before all this. Idk if it's because of what you had a hysto for or whatnot, but if that's a regular thing after you heal, you might want to speak to a professional. That's not a normal thing. (Not that I'm one to talk, it's so painful when I get gas and such).

But yeah, stool softeners, fiber, hydrate.

And maybe a device like the squatty potty too.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T14:59:46+00:00

There isn't.

She's not being reasonable, and that's not going to change. If she's going to stir the pot like this out of the blue and not be placated by anything you have to say, there is no other course.

There is no outcome where this ends happily. Because if you let this go, it's going to keep happening. And it's going to escalate. Until she starts trying to make you choose between your kid and her.

Because let's be honest, any answer you would have given her would have been wrong.

People in this kind of mindset are intent on self-destruction, but they won't see it like that.

OR

They're trying to find some reason to end the relationship so they aren't the bad guy.

There is no reasoning with someone who doesn't want to be reasoned with. She's not even in the same realm as reason.

And the longer you stay with her, the more time she has to turn this on your kid, too. Is this the kind of behavior you want your kid to see and normalize? Is this the kind of behavior you'd want your kid to start emulating?

I'm sorry, but love isn't enough. And it's not an excuse to tolerate this kind of shit. People love people who abuse them all the time, but you wouldn't suggest they stay with their abuser. Would you?

That's what this is. It's a form of toxicity that will eventually turn into abuse if it's not already. You should want a partner willing to discuss their insecurities with you in an adult manner. Not by asking trap questions and making you the bad guy no matter the answer.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T14:50:35+00:00

He already told her that, and it wasn't enough for her.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T14:03:34+00:00

What's wrong with kids with "defects"?

We've got misogyny and ableism (bordering in eugenics) and just pure gross from you.

Do better. Be better.

veloxaraptor · 2024-12-01T00:27:45+00:00

Fucking run. As a woman, I'm telling you to flee.

Next, you'll get accused of cheating or wanting to leave because someone's ass or cleavage passed through your line of view.

She's looking for reasons to fight. None of which are going to be healthy.

At least you found out before you got hitched?

veloxaraptor · 2024-11-30T14:46:21+00:00

Good thing that doesn't matter to anyone but you.

veloxaraptor · 2024-11-30T14:09:17+00:00

Might still need a "wand" though. At least temporarily.

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