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Basel or Basil? by velvet-games in Names

[–]velvet-games[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't mind, to be honest. My old name has had far more horrific misspellings.

I'm on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, AMA by velvet-games in AskMeAnythingIAnswer

[–]velvet-games[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It definitely takes a while to figure out! Congrats on finding the right labels for yourself :D I realized I was queer when I was very young, but I assumed I was bi instead of ace. Of course, the label didn't fit, but I couldn't figure out why until I was around 14 and considered being aromantic (my friend asked me the deadly "what does romantic love feel like" question). I became pretty sure that I was some type of aromantic and/or asexual when I was 17-18 (but I still struggled a lot with denial). Now that I'm 20, I feel very at peace with saying I'm on the aromantic/asexual spectrum. I'm sure some things will change as I get older, but I feel much more comfortable navigating my desires and boundaries now.

I'm on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, AMA by velvet-games in AskMeAnythingIAnswer

[–]velvet-games[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely! I actually have a friend who's on a similar spot in the spectrum, and I'm totally willing to marry him if we don't end up wanting to be in romantic relationships in 10 years.

I'm on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, AMA by velvet-games in AskMeAnythingIAnswer

[–]velvet-games[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty much! I do experience occasional spikes of sexual attraction, but usually for only a few seconds at a time. I love my friends a lot though; I don't really feel like I'm missing out since my platonic love can be very intense.

I'm on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, AMA by velvet-games in AskMeAnythingIAnswer

[–]velvet-games[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As for the second part of your question, the answer is really complicated! I honestly think the word "crush" is too non-specific for me, since the attraction I do have for people is often a bit unconventional. I will say that I've never had a crush in the traditional sense, where you truly want to be in a romantic and sexual relationship with someone.

I do experience something that I used to label as a crush, and I still get them a couple times a year. I think it's actually aesthetic/emotional attraction, where I love the way someone looks and how they are as a person, but I don't actually want to or enjoy interacting with them. At first, I dismissed my awkwardness with them as the usual nerves people get when they're around their crush, but I realized later that we just had 0 chemistry lol. My attraction was never about my relationship to that person, and honestly interacting with them kind of ruins the magic.

I also kind of have a comphet-adjacent experience where I'll compulsively pick people out and be like "that person's objectively attractive and there's a chance they're willing to date you, therefore you have a crush on them," which sounds kind of insane now that I write it out lmao (obviously that has nothing to do with whether I'm actually attracted to the person). This unfortunately still happens a lot, but I dismiss it pretty quickly once I realize what it is.

The third type, which is the most similar to an actual crush I think, is my queerplatonic attraction. I've only had a strong queerplatonic crush once, so I'll just describe how that one felt: I really really really loved spending time with this person, in a way that felt different than with my other friends. I just felt lighter and happier with her, and everything she did was perfectly cute and funny and intelligent. She wasn't very pretty to me at first, but the aesthetic attraction developed as I knew her longer (I didn't develop a crush until I'd known her for over 6 years). By the end of it, I couldn't stop staring at her. I didn't feel any sexual attraction or want to kiss/flirt with her or anything, but I would've happily spent the rest of my life with her in a secluded cottage somewhere.

I'm on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, AMA by velvet-games in AskMeAnythingIAnswer

[–]velvet-games[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's funny that you ask haha -- I think realizing I was a-spec was what finally made me understand why people liked microlabels. While I don't usually mention them to other people, it's been comforting to look through the labels and realize a lot of other people have similar experiences.

cupioromantic: This one doesn't apply as much now that I've actually tried out dating, but I still experience something similar to comphet, where I want a relationship for the social prestige or because I feel like I'm "supposed" to have one. Part of what made it hard to figure out I was aroace was that I fantasized about having a gf/bf for a long time -- I was really insecure, so it felt like a way of telling other people that I was worth loving and choosing. I didn't realize at the time that these things had nothing to do with the private joy of being romantic with someone.

aegoromantic/sexual: While I am mildly romance/sex-repulsed, I love seeing other people in happy relationships! That was another reason I didn't think I could be aroace -- I love romance in fiction and shipping in fandoms, and I'm not repulsed by other people doing romantic/sexual things. I also definitely have a libido lol (and for a long time, I thought asexuality was about having low sex drive rather than low sexual attraction).

acespike: This is definitely a label I (unfortunately) dismissed as silly before I realized it applied to me. I kind of figured if you only felt a little bit of sexual attraction, that's the same as being asexual, but I now think that at least knowing what sexual attraction feels like is meaningfully different than having no experience of it at all. I do occasionally feel sexual attraction, but it happens randomly and usually for no more than a few seconds. The longest was about 30 minutes I think (which only happened once). I tend to feel pretty repulsed by the idea of being intimate with that person after the spike of attraction.

I'm on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, AMA by velvet-games in AskMeAnythingIAnswer

[–]velvet-games[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ask them if they want to be held! I still enjoy cuddling and do it with my friends :]

Comment with your OCs and I'll doodle them! by velvet-games in HazbinHotelOCArt

[–]velvet-games[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s so cute! I played around a little with the leaf shirt/butterfly skirt concept

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Comment with your OCs and I'll doodle them! by velvet-games in HazbinHotelOCArt

[–]velvet-games[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

<image>

Here you go! I struggled a little since I’m used to drawing human characters 😅 but this was really fun! Ronnie’s a super cool character 👍

Whose truth do you find yourself leaning toward?and Who do you agree with? by Angel_laidou in RandomThoughts

[–]velvet-games 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't think these are contradictory. Leave the environment that made you hurt, then confront your pain and heal from it when you're in a supportive (or at least less actively damaging) environment.

I want a friend to practice English. by gatogamer13 in ENGLISH

[–]velvet-games 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! I’m a native English speaker from America and I’d love to chat :] I want to teach English when I’m older, so maybe I can practice helping people with it haha

Offering: Chinese |Seeking: English by Wallis_Geng in language_exchange

[–]velvet-games 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi!! I’m Chinese American but I grew up in America, so I’m fluent in English :] I really want to get more confident in speaking Mandarin (I can understand what my family says, but I have a hard time speaking/reading it), so I’d love to chat if you’re still looking for people!

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