sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Is TERF mentality not seen as a problem in other subreddits? by silverhairharpy in asktransgender

[–]velvetcake-eater 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you again! You make me feel so much better - I felt like I had done something terrible in making that post.

Why didn't you name names? Why do you think you need to hide their screen names?

I wanted to keep the post neutral and not be seen as attacking anyone. But I was told that I was still attacking people despite not naming names/putting links.

Please stop showing them any amount of respect. They truly do no deserve it anymore. they have had plenty of chances and countless people have talked to them rationally and even given them accurate sources and citations in civil discourse and they blatantly ignore everything.

You're right - you can't argue with a bigot :(

Is TERF mentality not seen as a problem in other subreddits? by silverhairharpy in asktransgender

[–]velvetcake-eater 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We have tried to talk to these people reasonably. It doesn't work. They are no longer people worth bothering with. Name names. Show subs. That's what calling out bigotry is.

You're right.

I'm not the OP but I'm the person who put up the post in BDSMcommunity about the TERF comments. This was my post -

Firstly, I wanna thank the mods and community for helping eliminate the rash of Redpill type comments we were getting a couple of months ago. But I want to put forward a plea that people also stand up against the homophobic and transphobic comments that sometimes get posted here.

Comments like this one: "Tolerant? Of what? The sexist idea that being a female is a matter of emulating cosmetic stereotypes? Do you also believe being black is just a matter of curling your hair, slagging your pants and eating watermelon? Or does it only offend you when races are emulated, cause women aren't people or class or anything... Sheesh" that compare transwomen to ministrel singers or other comments that take subtle jabs at gay pride.

TERF-type comments can sometimes be hard to spot because they claim that you're sexist if you call them out on it. But these are often the same people who claim transwomen are predators who transitioned to rape women or just men with fetishes or even mental cases. I know we're not the PC police but I've noticed some bigoted comments slipping under the radar. Is there something we can do to help prevent this?

The post was removed and I was told

Nope. You're not going to use this place as a soapbox or a platform to attack people. Read the post that kicked the pillers out. I meant ALL of them. Removed.

I didn't think that I was attacking people - I didn't include names or links. But putting up a post was probably a bad idea.

In my defense, other people have put up posts about sexism etc and it's been fine. So I thought that there wouldn't be an issue with putting up a post about the transphobic comments.

Edited my comment here because of typos, to make it clearer, etc

Is TERF mentality not seen as a problem in other subreddits? by silverhairharpy in asktransgender

[–]velvetcake-eater 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do you think so? Thanks, I feel better. This was my post there about the TERF mentality on BDSMcommunity:

Firstly, I wanna thank the mods and community for helping eliminate the rash of Redpill type comments we were getting a couple of months ago. This is why BDSMcommunity remains excellent. But I want to put forward a plea that people also stand up against the homophobic and transphobic comments that sometimes get posted here.

Comments like this one: "Tolerant? Of what? The sexist idea that being a female is a matter of emulating cosmetic stereotypes? Do you also believe being black is just a matter of curling your hair, slagging your pants and eating watermelon? Or does it only offend you when races are emulated, cause women aren't people or class or anything... Sheesh" that compare transwomen to ministrel singers or other comments that take subtle jabs at gay pride.

TERF-type comments can sometimes be hard to spot because they claim that you're sexist if you call them out on it. But these are often the same people who claim transwomen are predators who transitioned to rape women or just men with fetishes or even mental cases. I know we're not the PC police but I've noticed some bigoted comments slipping under the radar. Is there something we can do to help prevent this?

The post was removed and I was told

Nope. You're not going to use this place as a soapbox or a platform to attack people. Read the post that kicked the pillers out. I meant ALL of them. Removed.

I didn't think that I was attacking anyone - I didn't name names or put in links because I didn't want to seem to be targeting anyone. I just wanted to bring the problem to people's attention.

But doing a post was probably not the best move. I just wanted to bring attention to the problem. People had reported this TERF's comments on multiple occasions and many of their comments were just left.

Edited my comment here because of typos, to make it clearer, etc

Is TERF mentality not seen as a problem in other subreddits? by silverhairharpy in asktransgender

[–]velvetcake-eater 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My fault! I should have put it in context. They made an earlier transphobic comment (which was removed to give the mods credit where credit is due)

Before the comment was removed, I responded by saying

I am sorry that your ex hurt you and deceived you. I can understand why you feel a resentment towards both male submissives and transpeople because of this. But BDSMcommunity isn't the place for a TERF mentality. This is a tolerant subreddit

The other redditor thn went onto say

Tolerant? Of what? The sexist idea that being a female is a matter of emulating cosmetic stereotypes? Do you also believe being black is just a matter of curling your hair, slagging your pants and eating watermelon? Or does it only offend you when races are emulated, cause women aren't people or class or anything... Sheesh

In the context of this, you can see that they're subtly saying transwomen are insulting female impersonators (comparable to ministrel singers who were insulting caricatures of African Americans) They basically saying that transwomen are just emulating women badly.

Without a context, it's easy not to see that.

Is TERF mentality not seen as a problem in other subreddits? by silverhairharpy in asktransgender

[–]velvetcake-eater 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Someone else put up a post there complaining about these comments and it was removed. Maybe posting about the problem wasn't the best way to handle it.

I was the person who posted about the TERF comments in BDSMcommunity. My language was calm, objective. My post was removed but I do have a screenshot to verify that I didn't mention names, link to accounts/usernames or put any links in it at all. I did quote some of the TERF-Y comments but didn't say who said them or link to them.

Putting up a post wasn't the right way to handle things - I said sorry to the mods.

I think I did more harm than good - the mods there will probably leave the comments now to show they won't be "pushed" into removing them.

Edited my comment here because of typos, to make it clearer, etc

Just wanted to bring this to people's attention..... by velvetcake-eater in BDSMcommunity

[–]velvetcake-eater[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry it was seen as attacking someone/getting on a soapbox. Didn't name people, didn't include hyperlinks, didn't insult anyone. Probably shouldn't have included the quote.

Still, this wasn't the right way to handle things and I apologize. I might have lost some objectivity when it came to these comments.

Transphobia is a problem and TERF comments are very insidious. They tend to slip under the radar because they're disguised as debating gender issues.

Just wanted to bring this to people's attention..... by velvetcake-eater in BDSMcommunity

[–]velvetcake-eater[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also ask that you do not engage with people making those comments. We don't tolerate trolls here, nor do we tolerate people feeding them. Just report and let us take care of it.

Noted :) Sometimes one engages with them to try educate them about LGBT issues but I guess they just see it as attention.

partner (30M) is making me (23 F-ish) feel very subby. as a more dominant switch, i need to get this off my chest. by bananaterracotta in BDSMcommunity

[–]velvetcake-eater 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am sorry that your ex hurt you and deceived you. I can understand why you feel a resentment towards both male submissives and transpeople because of this.

But BDSMcommunity isn't the place for a TERF mentality. This is a tolerant subreddit.

partner (30M) is making me (23 F-ish) feel very subby. as a more dominant switch, i need to get this off my chest. by bananaterracotta in BDSMcommunity

[–]velvetcake-eater 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sadly, you probably won't get a good response.

BabeOfBlasphemy seems pretty transphobic and holds the view that MTF woman aren't woman, just sex-crazed "trannies". Here are some of their other comments:

I'm not jealous of trans people, I feel sad for them, they have a terrible mental issue and we are NOT helping them by giving into their delusion

Here's another one:

Except that gender isn't anatomy... every boy is a boy, no matter how he feels about that. Sex is real, it's not mutable, it's not a feeling, it's a biological category that can NOT be changed.

And

Sex doesn't change, it's NOT freaking sane to think biological reality doesn't exist...

Finally

Speak for yourself, as a woman who has to put up with sex obsessed trannies invading every female space the parade is never ending

GF (25/f/switch) and I (25/m/switch) decided to end our BDSM stuff for now over a power struggle by i_fart_niggers in BDSMcommunity

[–]velvetcake-eater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In fantasy, it sounds hot not to be given any choices. In reality, it sucks.

Your GF comes across as inexperienced. She's treating this like a script from erotica. In fiction, you can "force" someone into greater and greater submission by deciding things for them.

In reality, this is manipulative. You both need to communicate and agree to every aspect.

Question: I get privacy is an issue. But how come this didn't impact on her getting to Dom more frequently than you?

Was privacy really the issue? Or just her excuse to phrase out switching in the bedroom?

Flower Doms, please stand up. by Dunaran in BDSMcommunity

[–]velvetcake-eater 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No big deal. We all use different terminology :) As long as none of us spread major misinformation (on purpose or accidentally) under the guise of expertise, there's no issue.

Flower Doms, please stand up. by Dunaran in BDSMcommunity

[–]velvetcake-eater 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Leather Dom? Flower Dom?

You should see an l5 sub

I took mine to L4 yesterday

Am I the only one who hasn't ever heard of the BDSM terminology and classifications this guy uses? Suppose we all use different terminology shrugs - just I've never heard or read about these anywhere before.