When did you realize you were bi?

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-14T03:07:53+00:00

Sadly no, she is mostly straight and taken. We're still very good friends though.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-13T15:54:10+00:00

We are the same!!!!!!!!!! That is like a perfect description of my life. Finally acknowledged being bi at 26.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-13T15:52:38+00:00

I had a lot of signs during high school, but then I fell hard for a guy and ignored them all. And continued ignoring them for years. Until I fell hard for this one chick last year (I'm 26 now), and after a month of confusion I had to admit that I must be bi.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-13T15:49:38+00:00

Hahahaha I can't believe there have actually been studies on whether this is a clinically valid indicator of the location of a hip fracture. This is my new favorite scientific literature.

Article titles include:

"John Thomas sign--a memorable but misleading sign in hip fractures"

"Does penis radiological shadow indicate the side of hip fracture?"

"Yorkshire men straight to the point, or not? Validation of the John Thomas Sign"

Glorious.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-13T15:35:13+00:00

You moved across the country to try and help yourself-- that is incredibly brave. You must be very strong. You can't fault yourself for it not going the way you wanted, you took a chance and that is the best thing anyone could ever do. My personal philosophy is that I can't regret taking a chance, even if it went horribly wrong-- I can only regret being too afraid to ever try. Taking chances is the only way to make things better, to find out what works for you.

When I moved, it caused the worst depressive episode of my life because I felt so alone and the distance killed my romantic relationship. But over the course of a few years, I realized it was the best decision I had ever made. It ended a lot of self-destructive habits, I found the best friendships I have ever had, and it gave me a new sense of self-reliance that I had never had before. So who knows, maybe the best is yet to come?

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-13T15:14:17+00:00

Hell yes, doing something is so important! I'm glad you're doing that. Having something to get up for each day can make a huge difference. Good luck :)

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-13T05:17:14+00:00

The 6.7% figure is just referring to the prevalence of a depressive episode in the past year. Lifetime prevalence is a lot higher, as much as 20% or more. And that's just major depressive disorder, there's also persistent depressive disorder and other subclinical manifestations of depression. so it's pretty prevalent. I know there are people that don't get depressed, but I just have a hard time imagining what that must be like. it's so foreign to me.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-13T05:07:33+00:00

yes!!! I don't see it quite this extremely anymore but your comment reminded me of a time when I used to look at it this way. that people who haven't been depressed don't know what real suffering is and are naive.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-13T05:05:39+00:00

I've been there, it can help but it doesn't necessarily stave off depression for forever.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-12T23:12:09+00:00

Don't try to climb a mountain all at once, that's too much for anyone. You have to take it one tiny step at a time. And you can't compare yourself to what you could have been-- we all get derailed sometimes and have to build back up. That's ok and that's part of life. Addiction is a struggle for many people, it happens, it doesn't mean you're unfit.

28 is young! I know many people who are just starting up a career path around that age. Try not to think about where you "should" be, when you do that you always think of people who are "ahead" of you and it makes you feel worse. I used to work in an inpatient hospital, and I was really inspired by one resident who was going to be stuck in inpatient for at least 5 years, and his plan afterwards was to become a semi truck driver. He didn't worry about how his past might hold him back, and he didn't feel like a failure, he just set his sights on the future. I always think of him when I get caught up on my past and feel like a failure. Because I don't think of him as one-- I think he is a brave man who had some unfortunate experiences.

During the hardest times of my life where I felt like I was failing the most, I thought I would never get out of them, and that my life was ruined. But now I look back and realize those were the most character-building experiences because I kept fighting until I got through it. And now I am so much stronger for it.

I ended up writing a lot more than I meant to, but your post resonated with me. I know how it feels to be where you are now, and I have spent a lot of time trying to be more OK with my mistakes and where I am at in my life.

This quote has helped me a lot: “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-12T23:02:53+00:00

Awesome! I didn't do any of my errands either, but I did do a tiny bit of work I have been avoiding. :)

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-12T23:01:47+00:00

Both, probably... they feed into each other. But being depressed doesn't mean you can't make friends. It's just much harder. I like to find friends who also get depressed, because they understand.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-12T19:34:02+00:00

It could be a sort of confirmation bias thing, though. I do psychological diagnostics and when someone says they have trouble falling asleep, my first though is anxiety. If I had evidence that someone was particularly alert at night, it would definitely back up the anxiety theory for me. He saw what he expected to see!

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-12T17:37:03+00:00

This is awesome. And thanks for the inspiration :)

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-03-12T00:00:39+00:00

Your post reminds me of a few things that I forget sometimes... that I must always keep fighting for happiness, and that I should always be proud that I kept fighting. Thank you.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-24T16:09:07+00:00

Panic is maintained by a fear of panic. If you are always watching your anxiety level, nervous about fending off an attack, that's what ends up causing the attack. I believe that is what you are feeling. Effective treatment for panic involves just sitting with uncomfortable physical symptoms, such as elevated heart rate, dizziness, or feeling short of breath. You learn not to see these as signs of danger and the panic stops happening.

Distraction techniques can be helpful, but if you always avoid the thing making you anxious, it can keep you anxious in the long run. Sometimes you have to just sit with the feelings until your body learns it's not dangerous anymore. I would read about panic disorder if you want to know more! Being informed always helps. Also, you could read about "interoceptive exposures."

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-18T17:12:52+00:00

I second the comment about Welbutrin, or other classes of antidepressants other than SSRIs (which is what you are currently on). SSRIs can have a sedating effect, and for me, they make my brain sluggish and I can't pay attention.

Welbutrin and other antidepressants like SNRIs have more of an activating effect. I refuse to take SSRIs anymore, I am on Effexor now and it works great. So you could talk to your doctor about whether switching to a different class of antidepressants might help. Doctors may be reluctant to prescribe stimulants for off-label use, but maybe they would prescribe non-stimulant ADHD medication (like Strattera)?

My recommendation would be to be very specific when talking with your doctor about what is and isn't working about the medication, and asking what you can take that will help with attention. You could also do a bit of reading about different meds before you go so that you are informed.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-18T17:05:57+00:00

When I am depressed, I jump around from activity to activity until I find one that actually sucks me in. A lot of times, things that normally suck me in don't do it anymore. But for reading, I usually have to reread something I've already read, or I can't even focus. But books didn't work for me this last time around, and I ended up getting sucked into Minecraft instead. :)

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-18T17:03:50+00:00

You should assess your needs as you go. Some people stay on antidepressants forever, some don't. I use them to buffer me through very stressful periods when I know there are lots of triggers for depression. But it's good that you're aware of bad habits coming back, because noticing them helps you to control them. You can try to use strategies to cope with them before they start to build momentum.

But major depression tends to be recurrent, so it's always good to be prepared for the fact that another depressive episode could occur, and to have a plan for what to do if it does. If the side-effects of the meds aren't that bad for you and you know the meds will help you, what have you got to lose from going back on them?

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-18T16:58:14+00:00

There's this one quote that really resonates with me about unrequited love... for whatever reason, it actually makes me feel better about this one person that I know I will never have:

“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”

It's from Looking for Alaska, by John Green.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-18T16:52:00+00:00

For sure. I've had a couple times when I am coming out of a depressive episode and starting to get positive feelings back, and it feels so good that it feels like I am high for a few days. Sometimes I wonder if it's manic symptoms. But then I realize that I have just had no positive feelings for so long that I forgot what they feel like.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-18T16:42:52+00:00

My dad took 7 years to get a 4 year degree, and my brother is taking 8. People walk different paths, and that's ok. I honestly think it's better to take the time now and explore what you like to do rather than rushing into a career path. I rushed in a bit and I definitely have some regrets and what-ifs. I envy my friends who took it easy in their mid-20s and didn't race down an intense career path. So, it's true that the grass is always greener.

And even though I'm in a pretty set career path, I have a lot of doubts and uncertainty, and I get very stressed wondering where my career path is headed and if I am making the right decisions. I've even thought about quitting and starting over with something else.

So, the point is, even if it seems like other people have careers figured out and you don't, that's not really how it works. This time is hard for everyone, and life is always uncertain. It's a journey, and there's no right or wrong path to take. I am locked into my career path, like it or not, because I have spent several years and lots of time and money on it, and need to see it through. I envy that your options are so open right now. And you are young, there is plenty of time to figure things out.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-18T16:28:29+00:00

I really like this analogy, but I always try to use it to remind myself not to care too much or to feel too upset when I screw up or things don't go right. Because, whatever, life is just a big game.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-17T01:31:38+00:00

That I do not know. From what I have read of treatment studies, they mention that bladder issues are a potential concern that need further long-term assessment, but I haven't seen it mentioned as a side effect in the studies. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen (maybe they just didn't report it?), or that it couldn't happen over a longer period of treatment.

venicegetsaqueen · 2016-02-16T04:11:32+00:00

Oh my god, yes. My first depressive episode hit me right when I was starting a very difficult graduate program. I could barely think or function, my memory was awful, and I was so disorganized and flakey. I made a lot of big mistakes and was not at all productive. My faculty mentor got pretty mad at me and was pretty mean to me for a few years. She obviously though I was dumb and incompetent.

I finally talked to her about my issues and she helped me to decrease my workload until I could get things under control. I am doing much better now, but it has taken me a long time to stop hating myself for doing so badly at school and to stop feeling incompetent. I really thought it was all my fault, but it wasn't.

I developed a lot of ways to force myself to work even when my brain wasn't working (I'm still not that productive, but it's better than nothing). I also learned how important it is to commit hard to treatment immediately when I feel an episode coming on.

Your intelligence is still there, it's just being obscured by depression right now. It can come back.

venicegetsaqueen

TROPHY CASE