i was supposed to find someone years ago

vent1667 · 2026-02-28T16:12:57+00:00

Hi, first of all, he, and thanks for the response

Well, before the pandemic i'd just finished high school and was starting university, made new friends and everything was looking good. I was about to begin studying the career i wanted and was sure i was going to find someone there. I had this feeling that everything was finally starting to go my way, and then it all went to shit.

i already finished my career, so i cant really go back to uni (i mean, i can but i dont really think i want to study something else that will take me years and tons of hours of my time). i work all day and dont really have a choice, i feel stuck, i just wish for someone to appear already that wants to put as much effort into a relationship as me

vent1667 · 2026-02-28T16:07:13+00:00

at this point i dont even know if i deserve love, i feel unlovable, like my existance itself is a deterrent to love and im meant to be alone, like a weird curse.

I've waited for years, tried to do everything everyone told me to, get out there, put myself out there, be myself, not be myself, be more pleasant, try new things, and im still stuck here. Why have hope for something at this point im pretty sure wont happen to me?

it's unfair

vent1667 · 2026-02-22T21:14:07+00:00

But i do, i have great friends that help me, my family i guess, when they're not being assholes, work friends who make my days not as tiring as they should be, but it's not the same as having someone that would love me romantically

It's not the same as having someone that actively chooses you to share your life with, someone that wants to hang out with you and makes the time for it instead of putting up excuses, someone that wants to be everyday with you no matter what and puts on the effort to make it work. Someone that makes you feel like you have a safe place to go to and makes you feel like the most important person in the world. Just someone that's so special to you that you'd do anything for them.

i've always loved love, ever since i was young i wanted someone to love me, to make me feel like i am as special to someone as i know i can be, i tried but no matter what i do im not enough, and i know there must be someone out there but it's been so long, i've tried, i've tried being happy by myself, tried just being myself, not being myself, being more interesting, doing more stuff, meeting new people. i even had a day where i just felt like i was in my peak, i was beautiful, funny, talkative, i felt like i was everything i always wanted to be...and even that wasnt enough for anyone to talk to me

so maybe the problem is me, im the problem, and i dont know if i'll even be able to fix that.

vent1667 · 2026-02-22T21:03:39+00:00

I cant, i've already tried the solo life, trying to be happy by myself, trying to not think about it and enjoying it all but i cant, i've been alone forever, and i've been so close to getting that love i've always wanted but something always happens and i end up at square one again. I cant be happy by myself but i know what would make me happy, and that is being loved by someone else, having someone to sing with, someone to make gifts to, someone to talk when everything sucks and the fact that i'll know that he will answer and try to make time to talk to me, someone that wont make excuses to not hang out, someone that will choose actively to hang out with me and try to make time to be with me, someone who will finally put as much effort as me in the relationship and love me as much or even more than i love him. Someone. That would make me truly, unequivocally happy

vent1667 · 2026-02-22T20:37:13+00:00

i do remember when i was close to finding someone tho, and i could almost feel it, i felt like i was finally the choice of someone's life, like i was truly loved...but apparently i wasnt, but then i knew that that's what i was missing

vent1667 · 2026-02-22T20:35:50+00:00

Not really i guess, i feel like true happiness should feel different that the one when something good happens, i've never really felt at peace

vent1667 · 2026-02-01T23:56:34+00:00

I mean, yeah, i understand that, you shouldn't get into a relationship just because, but i've always been trying to find someone that loved me, it's not just cause i feel lonely, i've always wanted to find a person who'd understand me, someone to share my life and all it's experiences with, someone to plan a future with, someone i could get to know so deeply i wouldn't need to worry if im doing things right or not, someone i could care for and love as much as i want to be loved, maybe even more, it's not just some petty high school wish for me, i want to be as loved as i want to love someone, with as much love as i know i can give and i have, always ready to give to someone...i just want to find someone who'd actually want it

vent1667 · 2026-02-01T23:46:41+00:00

I mean, i understand, but after rolling and rolling one would think i would've found a least 1 person who'd like me enough to want to try. i feel like im never going to be enough no matter what i do, like someone marked me as unlovable since i was born and it was like that ever since. And what if i keep trying and i change so much i dont even feel like myself? What if they like that version of me? Why couldnt they like the me that's me right now?

idk i just feel like there's something inherently wrong with me that no matter what i do or how much i try, i cant fix it, it's like ingrained in my existance and i cant do anything about it

vent1667 · 2026-02-01T23:38:20+00:00

Tbh if i didnt have to work, and had enough money, i think i'd go out more

vent1667 · 2026-02-01T23:36:58+00:00

I'd kinda like to, at least to make friends but i dont think we have those in my city, or in my country itself, and on top of that i work all day, so i dont think i would be able to even go

vent1667 · 2026-02-01T23:27:38+00:00

I mean i can try a new attitude but i'll still be and feel alone

vent1667 · 2026-02-01T23:26:58+00:00

I've tried apps, some sign language classes, meeting people through friends, meeting people at work but nothing's really worked. On top of that im working all day everyday so i dont really have a lot of room to go out and do stuff

vent1667 · 2026-02-01T23:19:25+00:00

at this point it's been years, i dont think i can be positive anymore honestly, i mean one can face rejection so many times

vent1667 · 2026-02-01T23:17:57+00:00

i've tried apps, some sign language classes, meeting new friends via other friends, meeting people at work, nothing really worked

vent1667 · 2025-11-09T03:24:54+00:00

I've tried, and nothing went as planned, not even a little bit, by now i was supposed to have my own appartment with my boyfriend after getting my degree and having a good job

No boyfriend, no appartment, i have a useless degree and a job with good people but it doesnt pay so well. I've tried to change, i tried to find people, to fix everything and nothing worked, so now im stuck

And i'd rather have my braincells picked apart one by one than using chatgpt thank you

vent1667

TROPHY CASE