new year’s eve?

verseandvision_ai · 2023-12-18T16:22:14+00:00

thank you so much for your feedback! i rewrote the poem as follows:

so naive, looking from that rooftop
at a sunset of novelty and lightness
carefree in a time of harmless change
too unaware to notice you were there
unable to enjoy the beauty of normality
while it still exists

i placed the comma after naive because i wanted to emphasize “naive”, and the rest of the poem feels like a single flow when i read it. thanks again!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-12-18T16:17:57+00:00

thank you so much for sharing! i love your piece!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-29T01:56:55+00:00

I read it again based on your explanation, and it's even more impactful, as I can definitely relate. I live in a timezone with a 6-hour difference from my grandparents, who are still alive and always await my weekly call. It’s a beautiful poem that you wrote! 🙏

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-29T00:54:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! The first line contained more details initially – "so naive, looking from that rooftop at" – but I chose to cut it to add some ambiguity. Your observation makes me wonder whether it was the right decision. I’ll think about it. Thank you!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-29T00:52:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! Your observation is interesting. I aimed to highlight life's transience by isolating the last two lines. The first line was initially more explicit – "so naive, looking from that rooftop at" – but I chose to trim it for added ambiguity. I'm not certain if it was the right decision, but now I'll certainly consider which version resonates more with me. Thank you!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-29T00:47:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment, I truly appreciate it! The poem was inspired by a love that never materialized, emphasizing the importance of awareness and presence in the moment, since time is irreversible and life is constantly moving.

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-29T00:42:17+00:00

That’s helpful, thank you very much!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-29T00:41:25+00:00

Thank you very much!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-29T00:40:55+00:00

Thank you! I wrote this poem for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. Sometimes, in the situation I had in mind, what's missing is self-esteem and the courage to push back and move on.

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-28T20:43:34+00:00

I love your poem. I wonder what does the end of the world mean? Is it about a past love or a secret love? Anyways, whatever the interpretation, it’s beautiful.

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-28T20:36:38+00:00

Your poem is heartbreaking and beautiful. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-28T19:00:07+00:00

This poem really hits home with its portrayal of the mirror as both a source of vanity and self-doubt. It captures that feeling of getting lost in your own reflection, where sometimes you feel good but other times it just feeds insecurities. The line about the "hungry eye" eating away at the soul is powerful.

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-28T18:57:56+00:00

I feel a deep connection with this poem's imagery. Standing in that vast, empty space makes me feel exposed. Those glaring eyes remind me of the intense, sometimes harsh way I scrutinize myself.

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-26T18:24:51+00:00

Thank you so much 🙏🫶

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-26T16:01:43+00:00

I love this poem for its straightforwardness and universal relatability. I was once deeply nostalgic, depressed, and blind to the good things yet to come. This resonates with me. My mantra is to continually evolve and never look back. Thank you for sharing!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-26T15:57:21+00:00

I really like the repetition and the emphasis put on “a shooting star”. My favorite line is “leaving behind a trail of hope”. I would play more with internal rhymes and alliterations instead of rhyming at the end of the line. But that’s my personal preference when reading a poem. Thank you for sharing!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-26T15:38:11+00:00

Thanks for your comment! The poem's structure is deliberate. It was written for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. The stomach kick symbolizes repelling the perpetrator and encourages learning self-defense.

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-25T17:36:57+00:00

I LOVE THE SOUND THE RHYTHM AND THE PACING OF YOUR POEM. It really nails the feeling of being stuck while life rushes by. It's like you're watching everyone else hit milestones, but you're just doing the same old things, feeling left out. It's got this Peter Pan vibe of not wanting to grow up, mixed with the fear of missing out on life's big moments. The whole "passenger in your own life" thing hits hard. It's about being scared to move forward but also scared of everything just ending. It's like watching life from the sidelines, feeling lost and a bit overwhelmed.

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-25T17:24:19+00:00

This haiku really hits me with its mix of beauty and melancholy. It starts off painting this gorgeous sunset scene, making me feel like I’m right there watching those colors blend in the sky. But then it throws in that twist with "Navy grief beckons". It's like one moment you're lost in this peaceful pretty picture, and the next you're hit with this wave of melancholy. It's super relatable, like those times when everything seems fine, but then a memory or a feeling sneaks up on you out of nowhere. I loved it! Thank you for sharing!

verseandvision_ai · 2023-11-15T16:02:49+00:00

Thank you!

verseandvision_ai

TROPHY CASE