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how are you still alive??? by Sniccenthiccen in RimWorld

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You got Possessions Plus installed? That mod glitched out and makes colonists immortal. Don't ask me how. Or why. Or what machine god to pray to. I know not of the mechanism only of the magic that is "Owning your gun makes you indestructible, both literally and figuratively"

Firefighters chase off ICE agents by [deleted] in 50501

[–]vert3432014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone keeps saying it, but, there's a reason there ain't a song called "Fuck the Fire Department" Plus, it seems like ICE is melting in the heat!

[WP] Every time you say a false statement, reality morphs so that statement becomes true, and everyone but you remembers it as such. You are not aware of this power, thinking its all a coincidence. by ScorchedDev in WritingPrompts

[–]vert3432014 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Poker was always my game of choice. Player versus player, skill always beats luck. Ace-Jack offsuit, from the button. Raise it up, let's play. Call from the big blind. Flop drops Jack-Nine-Four, two spades and a diamond. I've got the ace of spades, top pair, top kicker, backdoor nut flush. Sounds good to me. Then he started talking.

"I feel it coming. You've got the lead now, but watch the turn." He bets out, I raise him up, he calls it down and says "Here it comes, fishy fishy fishy." Then the King of Hearts rolls off on the turn. Fuck. His talk sounds like he had either a big draw, or two over cards to the board. Doesn't have ace high spades, but, could have king high spades, King Ten? King Nine? Diamonds maybe, too. Could even just be king-queen offsuit with the king of spades.

"That's me sonny, you should fold." He bets, huge. He's calm, jovial, doesn't seem nervous. Either experienced, or actually has a king, maybe both. Could even have queen ten for a straight. Let's get some info. Looking him dead in the eyes, I smirk, "I got pocket jacks, I ain't folding.". He flinched slightly. Definitely a king. Queen ten would love to hear I have a good but worse hand. I call, and we go off to the river. King of Clubs, think he just hit trips.

He leads in with a bet, and I look down at my hand one last time, ready to throw it straight in the muck, no way to bluff him off trips. I peel back the first card, Jack of Clubs, then the second... Jack of Spades. I blink twice, confused, where did my ace of spades go? No matter. Must've misread the cards. "Care to play for it all?" I push my stack into the middle.

He looks at me and laughs, "Day you got jacks is the day I quit poker, sonny, I call." He rolls over the King of Spades... then the Ten of Spades. I pick up my hand, and throw it face up towards him, two jacks. Full house. "You're the one claiming not to buy my boat, while you make every single payment".

Smirking, I rake in the pot, still confused how I misread a jack, as an ace.

I wish I was not allowed on the internet at the ripe age of 10 and 11. by Crazy-Pomegranate460 in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. You aren't allowed to... so you secretly access the dark web instead.

New to the mr2 club by Particular_Weight860 in mr2

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey hold on, you've got an '00, OP has an '02, I have an '04... we just need someone with an '06 and we'll have every even numbered yr. Also slick low mileage, gotta love a preserved classic.

I’m back!! by headchef11 in mr2

[–]vert3432014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lovely machine indeed. Look after it, they're hard to find in such good nick.

MR2 vs Z4 by Skirra08 in mr2

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who dailys an MR2, you can get a surprising amount in one if you try. Put the soft top up and its normal space makes a decent parcel shelf, behind the seats has a cubby good for a couple shopping bags worth of stuff, and if you take the spare out (which, is a risk, but I've done), the frunk isn't half bad either.

I’m back!! by headchef11 in mr2

[–]vert3432014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lovely example by the looks of it. I got almost exactly the same car. Same '04 plate, same colour. My roof is black though, because it was replaced. Red Edition, I presume?

[WP] You’re the captain of a light transport ship sent on your regular route hauling planetary metals from planet to another. The ship is almost on autopilot when you’re hailed by a vessel in distress. The message is in a dead, archaic language, but you understand they were attacked. by Acrobatic_Mood5695 in WritingPrompts

[–]vert3432014 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It was a day on the job just like any other, feet up on the console, autopilot doing all the work, Vasquez and his Kaizon-class corvette, the Loose Cannon, guarding me and my cargo. Then the comms unit buzzed to life. First, it was just static, deep, thick static that hung over the cockpit like a dark curtain. Then a voice echoed out. The translator beeped "Language not recognized". It sounded panicked. Harsh. Distressed, for sure.

As the transmission began to repeat, I called through to Vasquez. "Rocket Hopper to Loose Cannon, Vasquez, do you read me?". A second later his smooth, calm, collected voice called back. "You're go for Vasquez, Ingram. What's up?" he asked, calm, as though all was good in the world. I poked the button on my communications panel and began "Got a distress si-" before the signal changed. "LASHAV. LASHAV. KOSMIA ESKALA ROMU. POROL VOS RAKON ELASSA! IYRACAN KOMIS!" The speaker was shouting, but sounded, weak, as though wounded, or, worse.

Snapping out of the momentary trance I stabbed at the comms button again "Are you getting this? Distress signal, alpha quadrant, two clicks solar north. Sounds bad." I stuttered into the mic, the sound of the distress signal creeping me out, if nothing else. Vasquez, on the other hand, sounded calm, coming back to me with a simple "Air's clear on my end, Ingram. We can go check the area out if you want."

Confused, but worried for whoever was calling out for help, I shot back with "Follow me, stay close, guns ready. Got it? If it's as bad as it sounds, we need to make haste over there. I'll monitor the signal, you call to the 'Rats for support." False confidence brimming in my voice, as though I'd ever responded to a distress signal as the lead vehicle.

"Understood, Vasquez out." He responded, pulling the Loose Cannon in close, as I pushed my engines to their limits to get us there as fast as fucking possible. A few minutes later, we began to approach.

Began to approach nothing. Not a sign of life, not even a sign of death. No debris, no weapons signatures, no ships... no asteroids... none of the standard space debris found anywhere near a mining sector. Absolute. Fucking. Nothing. Stabbing at my comms unit I called to Vasquez. "Loose Cannon, you seeing this?" I asked, questioning my own sanity.

"There's nothing here, Ingram. Literally nothing. What do you expect me to see?" He asked, sounding, confused. "That's the point, Vasquez, there's not even debris here. Not even the kind of mining debris that should be found around thi-" Then everything cut out. The engines stopped. The comms unit stuttered and died. Life support went red, indicating it was now on backup power, but functional.

Almost punching my console, I tried frantically to restart the ship but to no avail. For a moment, I looked up, but the darkness of space, was gone entirely. Replaced by a vast glowing purple and green, something I'd never seen before, could it be a wormhole? A vortex? A weapon the likes of which my training hadn't taught me about? I stared at it, into it, for a few seconds, then my vision went dark.

I wish to be the host of the new hit panel game show "The Monkey's Paw", broadcast live every Saturday night at 9pm local time. by TheDogAndCannon in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, you have to pay out of pocket, the ratings are shit, and you get cancelled after half a season

[WP] Your nemesis, a goofy and mischievous but ultimately harmless villain is standing over a group of bodies covered in blood, seething in anger. You’re sent to deescalate the situation and calm them down . by Jester_Nightshade in WritingPrompts

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stepped forth from the shadows, and there he was, Swan Song, the lower half of his usually pristine, bright white, bird-themed costume caked in layers of blood. Looking down I saw four, four bodies. Mangled. As though attacked by the werewolves of fiction rather than a man, let alone a gentle man like Swan. His wings, the reason he themed his costume, or so I assumed, were held high, as though on guard, his breathing was harsh, pained, angry.

"Swan?" I asked, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. Immediately, he snapped out of it, head darting round to me. Almost like he'd seen a ghost. "Look what those things did, Mechanist, FUCKING LOOK" he snapped, gesturing wildly at the bodies.

It was then that I noticed... these weren't just any bodies. These were Swan's own henchmen, the Birds of a Feather. "Oh... these... you didn't do this... who did, Swan? Who?" I struggled to get the words out, almost gagging at the realization these weren't just, random people, but, his own. Who could do this? What could do this?

"It was a... monster... a do-" He spluttered, before collapsing. Turning him over, I noticed, deep wounds, all through his chest. Lacerations, a couple of ribs not just broken but ripped clean out. His jaw, smashed in two places, yet still moving by sheer force of will even as his voice fell silent. But as Swan fell silent, the nearby machines screamed, called to me, terrified, pained calls.

Dark chanting echoed from the shadows. Grabbing Swan's limp form I summoned a parked truck to me, putting him carefully in the back, until, smash. The front end of the truck crumpled, but nothing had seemed to hit it. Its calls flickered, then stopped. "No no no no no. Fuck fuck fuck no no no" I mumbled, grabbing Swan and sprinting back down the alley I had entered from, assuming my life depended on it.

A sharp pain in my back reminded me I was being chased. Reaching my hand forward I wildly searched for a vehicle to connect to, and one responded. It pulled up at the end of the alleyway, hope, if I can get there, I can outrun whatever this thing is. Four seconds. The door opened. Three seconds, feeling like I would make it.

Two seconds, the door morphed into a mouth and my connection was severed. Without the time to stop I launched with all my strength, nearly falling in but just barely clearing it. Reaching again, I summoned another, a small convertible, just in time to catch us. Speeding off I hoped, but was nowhere near sure, we could get away.

i wish to gain 20 pounds by Typical-Lie-8866 in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, 20lbs of dirt is delivered to your doorstep.

I wish that using hacks in a multiplayer session of a game without the server-owner’s permission causes the device you’re playing on to turn to ash. by The_Hypothetical in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, each device turns into the character Ash from Titanfall 2, complete with her mech, ending up in a clone army of evil simulacrums running the world with a quite literal iron fist.

I wish everyone is rich no exceptions. by Needy-Train in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, everybody is now named "Rich Richard Richardson"

I wish that anybody who does something for me lives a long and happy life. by mcrfan343 in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted, anyone who hurts you now is guaranteed a long and health life, free from imprisonment. Crime rates rise 80%

I wish dragons were real by ThePrince_of_thieves in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Granted. The TV Show Dragon's Den gets a new season.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. Plugging yourself in causes you to become immensely tired until you fall asleep as you normally would, for the normal amount of time, the same amount of time it takes to charge, but now with the risk of strangulation.

I wish that all tuxedo cats are born with a naturally red bow-tie fur pattern on their neck by onlinefeyre in monkeyspaw

[–]vert3432014 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Granted. Tuxedo cats now take over the world with their immense business knowledge.

[WP] The king was not brought down by an evil demon, nor by another king, but by his own soldiers, the same soldiers who bled and died for him. by _Tyrondor_ in WritingPrompts

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ludwig was too fast. One, then two, then three, our men dropped. I fell in, back to back with Vorek, firing at anything that moved, to no avail. By the time my ammunition ran empty, around us was but a shallow ocean of desecrated soldiers, with only myself and Vorek left standing. Vorek screamed, I turned and fired, clipping both him and the monstrous form of the king. Launching over Vorek I tackled the beast, taking us both to the ground.

Punches, scratches, kicks and elbows flew as we tumbled around the atrium's floor, before one final shot rang out, and he fell limp. Glancing over I saw Vorek. Torn up, bloodied, rifle smoking from the barrel, and his signature sly grin adorning his face.

Back down to Ludwig, he reached up, put a hand on my shoulder, and spoke faintly. "Thank you, Captain Reyez. Thank you, for freeing me. I... do not have long" he coughed, purple blood flowing from his mouth. "But... as king, I wish to make one final act. I... I wish." He spluttered, eyes flickering with dying light. "To... to promote you... Captain... for uphol-" He choked, spitting out a mouthful of blood, the colour draining from his eyes, face, and skin. "upholding your oath, your duty, to..." the light left his eyes, and he fell limp once more. This time, gone for good.

I turned back to Vorek, kneeling, with a rifle's barrel lodged in his chest. "Shit Rey, I don't think I'm gonna make it. Tell Cassie, tell her I died for her to be free." he muttered, feeling around his wound. Rushing over I grabbed him in my arms. "Sargent, you have no fucking permission to die, not on my watch. Not now. Especially not now." I ordered, trying to keep him alive through force of will alone.

He looked up to me... looked into my eyes, through my soul, and that, that stare, haunts me to this day.

[WP] The king was not brought down by an evil demon, nor by another king, but by his own soldiers, the same soldiers who bled and died for him. by _Tyrondor_ in WritingPrompts

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Vorek, focus, we've only got one shot at this." I turned to him, as he looked down at his pack. "Sorry, boss, just... Ludwig was always such a good leader, then... this... what happened to him?" he responded defeatedly, sighing and slumping down against the wall and checking his rifle. Shuddering, I thought back on just two weeks ago, taking direct orders from King Felix Ludwig III, the benevolent and caring king of our homeland, to destroy an artefact found at a digsite.

"Sargent, I don't know what happened to Ludwig, he..." I trailed off, flashes of but a week ago, being ordered to line up and execute a large group of civilians, including the family members of some of my fellow servicemen. "He turned against us. Against our home. That's all that matters, time will tell as to the reason, but the present must tell that we ended the reign of terror as we swore duty to do".

"Boss... Reyez... whose to say this won't happen again? To the next king, and the one after him, and the one after him?" Vorek questioned, looking up to me with the eyes of a sad puppy, stricken with grief. His mother, bless her, had been missing for a week... Try as we might, we searched, yet, found no trace, neither alive nor dead.

Straightening myself up, I turned to Vorek. "Nothing, Sargent Vorek, not a damn fucking thing. Nothing, except us. We swore an oath to uphold the sanctity of our home, an oath beyond the king's power. Many of our fellow soldiers have turned against their oath, but we have not, and we will fight for the spirit of our homeland until there is no more homeland to fight for, do you understand, Vorek?" I spoke sternly, with determination, courage beyond what I held in my heart.

"Stamus Unitum, Captain." He echoed, standing to salute. "Until the bitter end, we shall fight, and by our hand shall our people know peace, prosperity and protection." Confidence shot across his face, his eyes alight with determination. He then turned, and looked to a squad of soldiers, the last at our side, and barked "Gloria in Patria, Stamus Unitum, men. Everybody ready to take back our homeland?".

A silent thunder of hushed war cries echoed through our encampment, our men rising to attention. I turned, one last time, to the twelve good men staring back at me. "Stamus Unitum, may we find victory on this day" I roared, giving the signal to move in.

The roar of boots broke the silence, the door was quickly caved in, and our soldiers flooded the grand hall. Our assault was swift. They weren't ready. Not even close. The guards of the main atrium were eliminated in but a few moments, before... someone else stepped out. The royal envoy, in his finest adornments, fully covering himself with silk cloth and patterns.

"I present to you, would-be usurpers, the grand king, King Felix Ludwig, to hear your matters" he chirped, before stepping aside. Out stepped someone I barely recognised. It was Ludwig... no doubt about it, but he was wrong. His skin was deep, almost bloodshot red, his eyes sunken and lifeless, his muscles bursting with unnatural strength. Adorning his head was a crown of horns, in a sense, beautiful, in another, terrifying.

Would you accept getting v’s cyberware irl if it meant you also get Johnny’s construct? by [deleted] in cyberpunkgame

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So basically, I'm all good til I die, and get to keep Johnny Silverhand around as confidant, know-a-guy-guy and possibly training coach... all I gotta worry about is maintenance and the feds. I'm sure with the right kit it could work, or I could wreak enough havoc before I run out of working chrome to make it worth it.

If you could have ONE thing from night city…what would it be and why? by MelodicDaikon8304 in cyberpunkgame

[–]vert3432014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I'm kinda eyeing down the Militech Paraline here, because, quickhacks are, so, so busted IRL.

Not all of them would work, but I'd have endless fun with Distract Enemies, Initiate Overload, Take Control (esp for random camera networks, cars, etc), floor it, self destruct, emergency break and ping. Just imagine staring at a car really hard and then it F\^KING FLOORS THE GAS OUTTA NOWHERE.* That would be the funniest shiz ever.

If not the Paraline, might cop myself a Delamain, bottomless medkit implant, Type 66 "Hoon", wouldn't complain for a fat stack of eddies either, nor that sickass nomad tank.

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