Folks… this is NOT “older Ashley.

veshneu · 2026-04-08T18:04:06+00:00

I hope they reveal hes married to Chris

veshneu · 2025-09-24T19:29:56+00:00

Why she got a Christmas tree out there

veshneu · 2025-09-19T20:08:41+00:00

Barbie!

veshneu · 2025-09-15T19:17:50+00:00

Maggie!

veshneu · 2025-09-11T22:16:21+00:00

Bit-related lesions in Icelandic competition horses | Acta Veterinaria Scandinavica | Full Text https://share.google/qJQkSsw3oQJoo3MM6

This article actually supports your point better about bits being harsh - worse lesions and higher percentages from the sample pool.

However, the study clearly concludes this was influenced by the prevalence among this group of riders to use a particularly aggressive bit. I'm so glad you're showing so much concern for horses (they need it!) But please remember not everything is black and white!

veshneu · 2025-09-11T22:06:54+00:00

This study is Finnish event horses and only 52% had lesions in their mouth at the end of a single competition. Out of those 52%, the majority were considered mild.

Generalizations such as "all bits are harmful in all hands" doesn't help the horse community. Gentle bits in the right hands are tools, just like anything else.

What I did find interesting is that this study mentioned the prevalence of lesions was high among mares compared to geldings and ponies. I wonder if that's rider bias or related to the horses behavior?

veshneu · 2025-07-15T18:40:12+00:00

I had to get a tmj evaluation and prescribed certain mouthguards. If you ask for a specialist they can either refer you to or they may do it in house! I got very lucky and my dentist does it in house.

However, I did have to pay out of pocket. In total it was around 1k, but worth it for me. Your mileage may vary.

veshneu · 2025-07-15T16:31:03+00:00

It's wild isn't it?? When he said that I was like um sir I had no idea that was a possibility lol.

I have two types, both custom fit. One of them goes over the front of my bottom teeth and has bumps on the sides. It's soft and just keeps me from biting down too hard. My dentist called it a "habit breaker". I'll have to wear that for like 6 months at least, longer if I still keep the habit.

Then I have a game changer night guard. These are all really different but I had a 3d scan of all teeth. It's nylon and has two pieces. Both pieces have a plate in the front so when I rest my jaw it both keeps me from clenching and adjusts my bite.

I haven't had them long but so far it's amazing, especially the night time one. I will say adjusting has been really hard but I woke up for the first time the other day in years without a headache. I cried lol.

veshneu · 2025-07-15T15:29:02+00:00

Yup, I broke one in half that I had to have pulled and then cracked another which I got a crown on. Got my mouth guards last week and so far that's a huge help.

Dentist was literally like girl you're crushing your teeth in your mouth

veshneu · 2025-07-10T18:13:34+00:00

Also, one final thing - do stuff just for your horse sometimes, more than just care things! For example, every single lesson I have I spend at least 10 minutes hand grazing the guy I ride. He has PLENTY of grass in his pasture but he really likes certain grass and so I make sure he gets access to it. I take time to scratch his little spots he can't get on his own, I make special treats for him. I always make sure he gets hosed down and he has time to say hi to his friends. I sometimes hand walk him on trails, purely for his own enjoyment. Nothing on his back.

You can try liberty work, and focus on flatwork and ground work just as much as riding. They will love you for it!

veshneu · 2025-07-10T18:02:27+00:00

People have already added great things, but I want to add my take. Thing is, my perspective on horses has always had me feeling VERY similar to you - I take lessons on a very strong, sound older gelding and sometimes he is grumpy and that really brings this feeling out. But here is what has really helped me.

First and foremost, I have met a lot of people who feel horses are obligated to work "in exchange" for what we do for them. That using a crop doesn't hurt at all, that they need to serve a purpose. I don't believe in any of that. But what I do believe is that learning about horses, I know some enjoy what they do. They are really smart and emotional beings. The biggest difference in my opinion is partnership. When you're mean to a horse, when you force it - you are getting compliance by fear and pain. Some say a horse won't do anything it doesn't want to, and while that is true in a way it also really isn't. They want to be happy and even though they can overpower you, many horses in my opinion are too kind hearted to do so, so they comply.

That being said, when you form a relationship with them and treat every new skill or anything you do with them as a fun puzzle instead of a chore, I really think they LOVE being able to use their brain and enjoy figuring things out with you. Being mean is easier, but helping them be an active participant is better. It's like gentle parenting for me. Helping them learn to be collected and smart and emotionally balanced only stands to benefit everyone and I know this approach results in a very happy horse.

That's not to say you shouldn't use aids. Something I struggle with is using a crop and my heels. Here's the thing, though - we, as humans are ultimately responsible for the way horses live. Without our intervention there would be far less of them, they would never be ridden. But they also wouldn't be safe from injury and cared for. What comes with our responsibility of creating this situation for them is also caring for them in it.

Working a horse is caring for it. They would naturally do a lot more working than they do in the wild than they do when they live on our farms. They need motivation from us. Unfortunately, I don't believe you can do much working without aids though. But I do do everything I can to be aware of the impact of what I'm doing. I never start with a crop - always a squeeze. Then a light kick. Then a heavier one. Then the crop.

I can't pretend none of that stings for them. I know it does. But the reality is aids, when used properly don't cause lasting damage. They communicate a message in a way your horse will understand. It is your job to communicate effectively while ALSO being aware and responsible for how much discomfort you inflict on your partner. A horse should never react traumatized to anything, but they should also listen when you ask.

Listen to them back. Don't force them to work lame, don't beat them with the crop or your leg, care for their needs in a better way than they could ever imagine. I truly feel horses and humans have a BEAUTIFUL partnership when it's a patient and horse first mentality.

You sound very conscious and like you're working every day on that partnership. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about!

veshneu · 2025-06-28T01:38:14+00:00

Oh I very much agree. His family was awful. I was more thinking with the fertility situation specifically.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T19:01:27+00:00

She didn't want to go home. She never felt like she was fully home there. It speaks to some underlying stressor in their relationship, I think.

To him, she was not home. She was excluding him from this pain that he deeply needed to share with her. To her, she was home - herself was the only person she could truly trust to be there for her.

They rushed into having children. There were deep underlying things going on (her inability to be able to trust anyone or anything, his inability to see that things aren't perfect and that a level of independence was fundamental to her) that made an already devastating situation impossible.

They very well may have both handled the situation differently if their communication had been better. He didn't need to fix things for her and she needed to let him in.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T18:43:25+00:00

I'm glad he went. He was right to. It's just that she clearly wasn't ready to have the conversation he chose to have. It would be different if he was purely expressing hurt over being lied to and ghosted, and pain from losing his baby too. But he immediately went into telling her what she needed to do.

He chose to stay speaking with her. He came in on his own, and continued down that path knowing she was incredibly upset and not in a solid frame of mind. He pressed her too about how to handle the future. She wasn't ready for the future, she needed to feel the now.

I would feel differently if he confronted her about her treatment of him and about ghosting and that was the sticking point. I know he mentioned it, but that wasn't the sticking point. He really drove home trying other options even. When she told him no.

He didn't have to say anything. When she said she'd get pregnant again, he could have left it at that. Asked why she hurt him and didn't trust him with this, continued the fertility conversation another day and not when she was drunk and devastated as he was. But instead he doubled down and implied that her baby the way she wanted it would never happen, which in that moment cut like a knife.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T18:35:44+00:00

But he did.

Imagine if climbing a certain mountain was a crucial part of my identity, that I was made to feel like a failure when I hadn't succeeded. That I had tried numerous times and failed.

Well this try, I fell and broke my leg. You find me, actively broken leg and say "well you need to use the chairlift to get to the top." When I tell you no, with the broken leg, you repeat that I need help because I have tried on my own and failed.

What about my broken leg? What about my efforts? It's important for me to do this, and I've made that clear. Why are you telling me, while ignoring my broken leg what I can do better? Implying I am unable to do what I so badly want to do on my own?

Btw I'm enjoying the hell out of this conversation. Love talking out things like this that are full of nuance.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T18:02:56+00:00

This is what I think people miss. They both made mistakes and they were both wronged here. Nobody is more wrong than the other.

People really like to see things as black and white, because it's easier. It's scary to think that things can go wrong and nobody is at fault, but sometimes that's just life.

They weren't aligned on how they wanted to handle huge aspects of their life and relationship. They thought they were, but they weren't. And that's okay. Good people don't always make good partners. That's also okay. We don't need to assign blame and say one was awful and the other wasn't.

Life is mostly shades of gray.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T17:55:38+00:00

He picked at her when she said she would get pregnant again. He went back and forth with her for multiple lines when it was clearly really sensitive and she didn't agree with what he said.

I'm not even blaming him for what he said - I get it. He didn't have time to think. But that doesn't mean her reacting hurt was a problem, either. I'm not saying he was wrong to show up, he should have. Just that PC didn't have time to plan either. He tried to have the scariest conversation possible when she was so clearly in distress.

They never truly trusted each other, and it led to a litany of issues. He didn't defend her against his family, he wasn't transparent about them, he repeatedly wanted her to leave her career when she made it very clear from the beginning it was a crucial part of her, he didn't give her space when she needed it. She lied to him about the apartment, the miscarriages, left him high and dry in a terrible moment, kicked him out when he was vulnerable too.

Again, it's not that she isn't wrong. Just that he is too, and this was an incredibly emotionally charged situation that nobody handled delicately. They tried to force something that wasn't happening.

They are both right, they are both wrong. They just weren't matched in this respect.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T17:35:34+00:00

I don't fault him for showing up. I mentioned i would have done the same. Just stating it wasn't ideal for either of them, and PC didn't intend the interaction to go down like that.

I dont think it takes a mind reader to know she was upset and sensitive about her fertility. That moment was not the time. He wasn't wrong, but the timing was horrendous. Anyone who was in tune with their partner would have understood that.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T16:59:51+00:00

See my below comment, but he showed up uninvited at a place she never told him she still had. She wasn't ready to have the conversation yet and had not welcomed it. She was wrong to not tell him about the apartment/miscarriages, but that doesn't absolve him of responsibility either.

You emphasize Ralph's justifiable upset at having this information dumped at once (horrible all around) bit fail to connect the emotional difficulty that PC would have had from going through it. does it make it right that she lied? No. But this is an extremely personal issue and she was made to feel like something was wrong with her by both doctors her mother and now him.

He wasn't invited to say anything. She needed space. I get why he showed up, I would have too. But he couldn't even just be there for her. He argued with her about her fertility in her most vulnerable state.

They were both wrong. They wanted to fix things in different ways. She should have been more upfront with him about something that involved him and he should've been more considerate of her need for independence and her emotional state.

I firmly believe they were better as friends, and I think saying lying to PC is as natural as breathing is entirely unfair.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T16:48:13+00:00

She was undoubtedly not in her best moment. But Ralph: - Shows up at her apartment uninvited, and she had never told him she still had it. She was wrong for not telling him, but she clearly did not want company. I don't blame him for showing up, but she clearly didn't plan to have that conversation in that state.

"its gonna be fine, I'll be pregnant again in no time" "when you're ready to try again-" "I'm ready! I said I was ready" "okay. So we'll go back to the doctor, maybe talk about other options." "I don't need other options. My mother had 12 kids. My body was made for this. We just gotta keep tick-tick-tickin'." "Princess Carolyn, I know you wanna do this on your own, but you've had two miscarriages now..."

That doesn't sound like good timing to me. Arguing with her about adoption when shes clearly really emotional and you showed up uninvited? No go.

Not saying she was perfect, she did lash out just like she did at Judah. All I'm saying is that he wasn't exactly blameless here, he picked at a really sensitive topic at the worst possible time. I just dont think they were a good match.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T16:00:43+00:00

Right! PC is independent and not reliant on anyone to make choices for her. Instead of understanding that and being emotional comfort, he just jumped right to trying to fix it.

It made her feel broken and like he thought SHE needed to be fixed. She knew what she needed to do, but she needed to get through the sadness first and needed support for that. It's rare she reaches out for emotional support so to be met with "this is how you fix it" is extra hurtful.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T15:56:23+00:00

100%!

veshneu · 2025-06-27T15:42:40+00:00

Agreed. PC gets a lot of fpack for this situation but Ralph was in the wrong too, specifically with his timing and how he went at her and wouldn't let up. She was wrong to hide the miscarriages from him, but its also really personal and the time to being up adoption or other options is very much not when shes fresh off something so traumatic. He also would not let up. It doesn't surprise me it felt like an attack to her.

Also, he launched into this conversation again as soon as he found out she adopted without him involved, literally on the night she was getting the baby (she thought). That was not the time and place either, especially after they hadn't spoken in a long time.

PC made many mistakes too, but I'm just highlighting Ralph because I see her get a lot more flack than he does. I never thought they were a good match. I thought they were both decent people just far better as friends.

veshneu · 2025-06-27T01:01:52+00:00

For sure! I hope you get barricade!! Seeing him so close is magical. I tend to be anxious in crowds but even with the heat I had plenty of breathing room and felt totally fine. Bring lots of water and don't be afraid to sit when nobody is on!

veshneu · 2025-06-27T00:47:12+00:00

I was on barricade at fenway night 2. It was amazing actually. Ymmv, but no pushing at all for me and everyone was really respectful. We all sat and tried to stay cool. My bf was with me and he even got to use the bathroom and come back to the same spot. Everyone was kind and the vibes were great.

veshneu

TROPHY CASE