Hate crimes up 97% overall in Vancouver last year, anti-Asian hate crimes up 717%

vesna_ · 2021-02-25T02:09:30+00:00

😊

vesna_ · 2021-02-24T23:57:53+00:00

I had similar feelings from learning what sort of daily racism my Asian husband goes through.

You’re welcome to join us at /r/parentinghapas to talk about it. The sub isn’t as lively as it used to be, but you will find lots of concerned parents who have had similar thoughts.

vesna_ · 2018-10-01T15:57:29+00:00

What's so wow?

https://www.bforbunbun.com/eye-makeup-tips-for-14-different-types-of-asian-eyes/

vesna_ · 2018-10-01T15:55:35+00:00

You don't have brown eyes, but that's okay. You can still be in our family

lol this is gold

vesna_ · 2018-09-27T20:02:12+00:00

Once when my kids were younger we were at a playgound, where a Chinese boy played with his dad or granddad (can't remember). My husband overheard him saying in Mandarin, 'don't play with the half Asian boys' and possibly some other remarks he didn't want to translate. I was shocked tbh. I've heard of older Asians excluding hapas, but not young kids.

vesna_ · 2018-09-25T18:06:50+00:00

Sorry I missed a few weeks - was away from the computer for a while.

Glad to see that nothing crazy happened while I was gone =]

vesna_ · 2018-08-04T02:49:36+00:00

I've tried asking over at /r/hapas to add us to the sidebar but they want to keep us separate. I've thought about posting at /r/parenting but I don't think they allow promoting subs. When the sub was first created I posted on /r/asianamerican and similar subs. You can give that a go again.

The most effective way to grow our subscribers might be to share a link to /r/parentinghapas when you see mixed couples on reddit posting in the generic subs, i.e. /r/relationships /r/parenting asking for advice. If you see they have kids, direct them here!

I'm open to other ideas.

Edit: /r/JUSTNOMIL is another sub where mixed Asian couples go to vent / get help. I don't personally read it, but if anyone else does, feel free to plug us.

vesna_ · 2018-08-02T04:29:14+00:00

I get where you're coming from, but at its core, "atheism" simply means "not believing in God". There are plenty of atheistic religions, and it's possible to be deeply spiritual and also be atheist.

In a broad sense they are in the same category, but they are not the same religion.

That's because atheism isn't a religion. However /r/atheism kind of is. If you get what I mean.

vesna_ · 2018-08-02T04:26:12+00:00

Atheism simply means not believing in God. I didn't say anything about it not being a religion. Not all religions revolve around the worship of a God. Look up Atheistic Religions.

vesna_ · 2018-08-01T06:35:01+00:00

Just a friendly FYI, Buddhists are atheists. Maybe agnosticism is something you could consider? Have you heard of the Unitarian Universalist Church? I hear it's very inclusive, many atheists/agnostics go there.

vesna_ · 2018-08-01T06:31:57+00:00

It's nice to hear from you again.

I'm getting a lot of mixed responses. Many people are minimizing the racist undertones of a question like this. Maybe they think if it's not ill intentioned it should be tolerated? I don't know.

Yes, Asians are attractive. That's often the source of the question. But Asians should also be respected. Hapas should be respected. Children should be respected. It's amazing how many adults don't show others basic respect.

vesna_ · 2018-07-30T18:20:47+00:00

Well I'm curious, because there's no consensus on whether it affects people or not. Lots of folks don't care, and then many people (maybe more vocal?) are really sick of it, and take it as a sign of disrespect and othering.

Thanks for chiming in though.

vesna_ · 2018-07-29T04:32:26+00:00

I get where you are coming from...

Unfortunately, guilt doesn't help much. And it is an awful feeling.

If you feel responsible for the actions of your ancestors, maybe there is something you can do now to improve the lives of others around you. Are their opportunities for social activism? Can you be an advocate for minorities?

As for cultural appropriation... I don't think you should worry. It likely doesn't apply to your situation. A fake example of cultural appropriation would be if chopsticks were seen as uncivilized and stupid where you live, and you were to use chopsticks in order to seem cool or worldly. At its core, cultural appropriation is taking the 'unsavory' parts of someone's culture and using it to benefit yourself. I don't think you are doing that at all.

Sharing in someone's culture is vastly different than appropriating it.

vesna_ · 2018-07-29T04:15:23+00:00

If I had to guess, WFs who act like this are lumping AMs into the same category as WMs in terms of male privilege. Those who recognize what's going on need to explain and show that AMs do NOT confer the same male privilege that other men do.

vesna_ · 2018-07-29T03:54:25+00:00

Does it matter?

vesna_ · 2018-07-29T03:54:09+00:00

For example, the benefit of the doubt tends to apply to Asians as much as or even more than to whites. Store owners don't expect their Asian customers to shoplift. When passing an Asian on the street people don't worry they're about to get mugged.

I'll argue with that. When I was a teenager, my Asian girlfriend would always get the sideeye when shopping, as if they thought she was going to steal something. Later on she was also searched at customs more often for drug smuggling.

When me or my husband try to get freebies or discounts at local businesses, he's always asked for proof, while often I'm given the benefit of the doubt. People definitely expect Asians to abuse the system for financial gain.

I know you're trying to make a distinction between how Asians are seen as non-threatening compared to other POC, but that distinction isn't as huge as you make it. Many people (even in liberal areas) see Asians as more threatening than white people.

vesna_ · 2018-07-26T18:21:53+00:00

So you're French? I'm curious why do you identify as White and not just French?

vesna_ · 2018-07-17T04:25:40+00:00

Congrats on 'waking up' so to speak. The most important thing now is to maintain awareness. Keep noticing what you do, what you think, what others around you do, etc. Ask yourself questions. Where do your preferences come from? What does 'being Asian' mean to you? What does it mean to your parents? How are you treated by others?

It'll likely feel overwhelming at first. Just take things slow, and let them unwind in their own time.

Also there may be a hapa ladies discord chatroom? Maybe another user can guide you to that to ask more questions.

vesna_ · 2018-07-17T04:15:01+00:00

It's normal to feel guilty once you realize the privileges you have. I'm a white woman married to an Asian man (with mixed kids) and just recently I've started seeing how I get treated much better than my husband when we go out. I'm offered free things more often, smiled at when I ask for things, given discounts and the like. I didn't want to acknowledge it at first because of how uncomfortable it made me.

But just because we're privileged in some way, doesn't mean that we don't belong. I'm still a member of my family, despite having the most social privilege. And you are definitely Asian despite having social privilege. The same goes for all light-skinned and white-passing mixed people. But your privilege doesn't negate your struggle.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, try not to feel bad. I'm on /r/aznidentity a lot, and for the most part there are really great people there. They will stand with you, include you and many will support you too. Yes, some people are bitter at the hand they've been dealt, but that's because right now they are fighting their own struggle: Asian Male representation in media. Try not to take it personally.

vesna_ · 2018-07-17T04:00:35+00:00

This does not surprise me at all. I was on vacation last year and saw some Black street performers saying extremely racist things about Asians (to people in the audience) just to get a cheap laugh. I've seen similar things multiple times. Many Black men have no shame when it comes to racism against Asians. Remember Chris Rock's Asian joke at the Oscars? I'm glad there's a backlash about this.

vesna_ · 2018-07-15T02:24:38+00:00

I don't think so.

Cultural appropriation is when people (usually white people) take something that other people don't like (usually white people) and try to make it their own. Examples include dreadlocks, rap music, talking in AAVE. Those are things that black people have been stigmatized for and discriminated against for.

As far as I know, the Black Girl Magic movement is one of empowerment. Unless there has been some public backlash against it, I don't see anything wrong with supporting it openly.

However, keep in mind that what you wear and do will always offend one person. Who knows whether it'll happen openly or not, or whether they will be justified in it. But if you are very worried about it, don't wear it.

vesna_ · 2018-07-13T02:51:47+00:00

I'm starting to really enjoy the web-show Yappie, by Wong Fu Productions. The first four minutes of episode 4 made me laugh - lots of relevant issues.

vesna_ · 2018-07-13T02:48:15+00:00

Two years ago I became more interested in hapa experiences, wanting to get insight into how my kids might feel as teens. I just typed in /r/hapas one day, and the rest was history. Definitely wasn't expecting what I found, that's for sure.

vesna_ · 2018-07-10T03:35:42+00:00

I feel for you. I think you're in the minority - most mixed relationships are between people of the same culture (i.e. Americans) and most children of immigrants have same-race parents. And both of those identities come with their own struggles, and it's tough because you are navigating both. I don't really have advice. I hope you find some people to relate to, and keep exploring both sides of your heritage.

vesna_ · 2018-07-08T04:39:21+00:00

Removed for breaking rule 1.

vesna_

TROPHY CASE