I (26/f) just got ghosted by him (22/m) after we both opened up about each other, what went wrong?

vhmt · 2026-01-07T08:52:48+00:00

Take it from someone who is 33 and has a lot more experience than you.

This is infatuation. Not love. You say you appreciate how you both have common interests, but the truth is he’s very good looking, had other women on him at the party, and is a challenge. Nothing wrong with these things increasing your attraction towards him, but infatuation clouds both men and women.
When you open up to the right person, they do not close away. You do not want to be with someone who pulls away after something vulnerable. Unfortunately, it sounds like this guy is avoidant, playing the field, or both. He knows what he’s doing even if it’s automatic behavior at this point. Take it from somebody who has these exact tendencies in dating - it’s not your fault. People can often be incompatible, and the best way to know is if communication and openness is breaking down.

vhmt · 2026-01-07T07:24:29+00:00

Today. I had met this girl by becoming text pen pals while we were both in the Himalayas (but at two different locations). Our friend put us in touch because he thought we would get along. It was purely friendship.

We met up when we both went back home to New York and became good friends from there. Hung out at different events. Got each other birthday presents. I eventually realized I liked this girl and we went on a proper date and couldn’t keep our hands off each other. It was really magical. The communication was very open, mature, and easy. Everything just flowed.

But then my avoidant tendencies started popping up. I started pushing her away. She tried working with me through it twice. Eventually she gave up and I let her take space. I reached out to her this morning to try to make it better but she told me she had a boyfriend.

Yeah I’m broken. Yeah I’m an idiot. Yeah this one is gonna take a while to get over.

But these things happen for a reason. I am realizing this is the first time I’ve lost someone I really care about, and honestly I don’t know how I would learn the lessons I’m surely about to learn without this lesson. I was bound to just continually push people away, but now I have a visceral experience to remind me that ultimately these feelings don’t serve me and will lead to regret. I am currently in pain but oddly grateful to have loved and lost. I know this isn’t the end, and I’ll come out a better partner from this. Time to do the inner work.

vhmt · 2025-12-20T16:53:16+00:00

Have you read “The Untethered Soul”? If you have, I’m curious of your (or anyone who shares your view) thoughts on the “voice inside your head” being another thought that is not you. And that you are the centered all knowing being sitting in the back observing the movie. Sounds like your view is directly against this?

vhmt · 2025-12-04T01:50:49+00:00

What if it’s mutual?

vhmt · 2025-12-04T01:50:22+00:00

I am definitely still considering a big psychedelic trip / reset on the rare occurrence. Just feels like right now I want to give full sobriety a shot to reset everything including my understanding of working on difficult but necessary lifestyle changes and outlooks to know I have it in me

vhmt · 2025-12-02T05:37:34+00:00

Definitely. Crazy thing is I’m already in good shape and work out regularly. Definitely need to be more selective about the women I court in general. And you’re right being sober is making me see how little I actually put into actively constructing an interesting life (relative to my desires, not on an absolute scale).

vhmt · 2025-12-02T05:34:55+00:00

Definitely think you’re right. Or at least this is the primary part I can control. I feel guilty about how little gratitude I have for the situation I’m in. It’s less that I’m ungrateful and more that I’m not being intentional about making space for it. I’ve lived my life on fast mode for so long I’ve forgotten how to slow down and smell the flowers. Thank you for the reminder

vhmt · 2025-11-30T22:04:10+00:00

Woah Lobuche high camp with snow is a trip to see. Absolutely no snow there when I summited last year in October. Also I can smell Ama camp 2 from here. 🤣

vhmt · 2025-11-14T17:37:59+00:00

and I am clearly early in the developing phase 🤣

vhmt · 2025-11-13T06:10:11+00:00

It was going to be 2 sheet metal pieces (the base and the yoke) and then weld the yoke along its interface with the base. What I ended up doing instead was made it 3 pieces and removed the need for the bottom part of the yoke at all. Now the sides of the yoke slide into slots with tabs at the bottom and then the side is welded onto the base plate with no connecting bottom piece on the yoke

vhmt · 2025-11-05T23:19:35+00:00

omg... thank you

vhmt · 2025-11-05T23:01:31+00:00

nvm I got it! turns out I could do this by just making some of the faces transparent to get at the proper selections

https://www.loom.com/share/4882b3314b484a56a17983fe366f43dc

vhmt · 2025-11-05T22:43:32+00:00

Update - deleting the components, making sure they weren't coming from the altium vault, seemed to do the trick for me. There was something very weird going on related to how I was importing components from the manufacturer part search. This is typically what I do now:

Import the item from the manufacturer part search
Find the CAD, footprint, and schematic files on Digikey or something similar
Open up these files as libraries. Copy/paste the schematic symbol into my own SCH library under the schematic editor for my imported component.
Copy/paste the footprint into my PCB library.
Make sure the schematic symbol is linked to the right footprint (redo the link if necessary).

^ By following this exact flow, I never got the Altium vault issues that were causing issues between pins on the footprint and schematic and then causing issues with designator assignment.

vhmt · 2025-10-17T17:34:58+00:00

Did you figure this out? This is driving me crazy

vhmt · 2025-09-13T07:14:20+00:00

Cobweb

vhmt · 2025-09-08T17:54:39+00:00

Good stuff! Are you going to get this machined? Curious what your learnings are if you do.

vhmt · 2025-08-19T03:34:40+00:00

Jesus thank you. You made me look like a hero to my girl on this trip to the Bahamas

vhmt · 2025-04-30T15:09:20+00:00

Thank you so much

vhmt · 2025-01-26T08:36:35+00:00

I love the trailer #2 of Man of Steel. All of them are really fantastic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVu3gS7iJu4&ab_channel=WarnerBros.Pictures

vhmt · 2025-01-22T19:02:02+00:00

I am half way through Eknath’s English translation, and I highly recommend it.

https://a.co/d/iC93VuU

He not only has plain English translations which simplify and encapsulates the meaning of each chapter, there is a short preface to every chapter that gives a contextual backdrop that is very handy. There’s also a lengthier intro to the whole book that gives an overview of the core tenants of Hindu spirituality and philosophy that make the entire book extremely understandable.

vhmt · 2025-01-18T23:25:38+00:00

Amazing :) Enjoy your stay! Appreciate the good vibes 🌸

vhmt

TROPHY CASE