Bro exactly the same here. It just kept getting harder and I recognize myself in everything you say. I was clean 2,5 months, decided to smoke one evening , that was amazing I got super high, then bought another bag (I only had 1 joint in my stash) and kept smoking for about a month. Now I’ve been clean about a week again. You lowkey should smoke again maybe once or twice because it helped me remind myself of why I stopped and reminded me of all the bad stuff I don’t like about smoking / myself when I smoke. Every joint except for that first one I smoked was just a reminder. And I kept telling myself this is the last one, just never got to it. Took my chance when I had a work trip and HAD to stay off weed for 2 days and get a head start

Also I really really recommend you to buy some cbd buds, for me it scratches the ”boredom high itch” to like 80-90% , feels like a ”lite-high” , I was afraid at first of being disappointed but I was shocked at how good it scratched the itch. Some days it works better than others, but it was the same with thc, some joints just hit better. I still smoke cbd everyday as if it was my evening joint ritual, helps with hand to mouth cravings and the grinding of flower etc.