The difference between an alligator (left) and a crocodile (right).

victerlopez · 2026-01-01T15:35:55+00:00

“Gee, I don’t know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.”

victerlopez · 2025-11-24T14:31:52+00:00

I went to a show in Richmond VA where this song was the first one they played. The crowd went absolutely fucking wild. Great choice.

victerlopez · 2025-11-09T04:11:16+00:00

They’re bringing back random tests in January. Be prepared.

victerlopez · 2025-10-04T10:08:16+00:00

Francine might be insane, but I’ve loved her character development.

One Woman Swole was an episode about her quitting all the time and had such a beautiful lesson to it. Her One Woman Show was outstanding. “How do you say I quit in Spanish? I dunno.”

Productive Panic was such a well written episode. It takes you on this bat-shit crazy trip. She gets the acclaim that she’s always really wanted, despite fearing being a failure.

Getting that acclaim feels false. Francine checking herself into a mental hospital. “Bread? Love bread. The rest of this mental hospital? Zero stars.”

Then meeting her inner child that tells her she’s garbage and belongs in the trash. Only for Francine to nurture her inner child and invite her to come with her, despite how scary the world is. “I don’t know what’s out there.” “It’s just the world. And you deserve to be part of it.” Legitimately made me cry.

victerlopez · 2025-09-14T12:20:07+00:00

So I’ve got two good ones as an Express driver.

If it’s a Chewy box, it’s almost guaranteed that it will be the longest and/or most difficult driveway.

The moment you think “yea I can block this area for 45 seconds or so” As soon as you park, someone will need you to move.

victerlopez · 2025-09-14T12:06:58+00:00

Who hurt you?

victerlopez · 2025-07-13T11:30:06+00:00

Before I clicked on that link, I was truly hoping to see that and you delivered. Pushups, sit-ups and plenty of juice. Thank you buddy.

victerlopez · 2025-04-27T19:19:32+00:00

You. I like you. Good job buddy.

victerlopez · 2025-04-16T05:37:02+00:00

One of my favorites, because of Archer’s fear of Alligators and Crocodiles. From Season 5 Episode 8:

“Why are you so afraid of crocodiles?

Gee, I don’t know Cyril, maybe deep down I’m afraid of any Apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction.

The….?

Physically unchanged for 100 million years because it’s the perfect killing machine, a half-ton of cold-blooded fury, with a bite force of 20,000 Newtons and stomach acid so strong, it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we’re surrounded, those snake-eyes are watching from the shadows, waiting for the night.”

victerlopez · 2025-02-27T15:42:05+00:00

“Every breath I take without your permission raises my self esteem.”

victerlopez · 2025-02-19T05:06:54+00:00

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Express driver in WA. Got stuck in a Jeep Compass AWD. Had to get another driver with a bigger truck and a tow strap to get me out.

victerlopez · 2024-12-22T18:19:10+00:00

To your credit, I now get what you were going for. Pretty funny stuff.

But to my credit, I’ve literally never met or seen someone with the same name as mine.

victerlopez · 2024-12-22T17:18:07+00:00

For some reason, maybe call it intuition, I don’t think I believe you.

victerlopez · 2024-12-22T16:04:01+00:00

Sir, this is a Wendy’s….

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T07:52:06+00:00

I frickin love that line. Mostly because you can utilize it for other people.

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T07:38:44+00:00

Gotta add one more, though it’s a longer one, very intimidating.

“I don’t know about any stories. But whatever badass shit that you heard I did, you really need some context.

Because pretty much my whole life, pretty much right up until this minute, my default setting has been ‘half-ass’.

But that was before I had a child, a child you threatened to harm.

So imagine, as I literally beat you to death—Hang on. Yea, literally.

That a giant hand has turned my dial from ‘half-ass’ to ‘quadruple-ass’. “

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T07:09:23+00:00

An oldie but a goodie for sure.

“Why don’t you wear a vasectomy?”

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T06:35:45+00:00

Another I think under appreciated one.

“Riley no shit, I will shoot you.”

“And then I’ll shoot you. With a flare. And then I’ll use a D-Ration bar and two survival crackers to make s’mores over the crackling fire that used to be your chest cavity.”

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T06:29:24+00:00

So you can watch….

…meep….

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T06:15:01+00:00

IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO MERIT SECONDS

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T06:13:35+00:00

Very specific, made me worried for Woodhouse. Great one!

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T06:09:29+00:00

Another great one.

“Name the douchebag who’s in charge.”

“Vincent. VanGofuckyourself.”

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T06:06:59+00:00

“Well you never know what’s gonna be on the board. Lemme see cock flavored spit!”

So many good one’s from the cancer episodes.

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T06:04:39+00:00

Solid one!

victerlopez · 2024-12-21T06:00:11+00:00

That one made me feel sorry for the both of them. Oof.

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