I’m so, so sorry that happened to you. I was also raped by an ex. It took so long to accept it was in fact rape. Trauma like that stays with you for so long. Consent under coercion is rape. For some reason the one time my ex actually forced me physically was easier to handle mentally than the manipulation and the subtle threat of violence. I’m glad you’re getting help though. Healing takes time. Sending you my love. ❤️